


NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy

by Reginald_Konga



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy, Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Halloween
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 11:35:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 46,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21243434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reginald_Konga/pseuds/Reginald_Konga
Summary: What if Grim never met Billy & Mandy? What if instead he met Ed, Edd n Eddy? This story explores just that. The Grim Reaper loses a bet and becomes enslaved to the Ed boys leading to various hijinks.





	1. Dream a Little Ed

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Chapter One "Dream a Little Ed" [Redux]

Written by Reginald Konga

**Author's Notes: Greetings, everyone. After some consideration, I’ve decided to post this story to Archive of Our Own since most of the story followers on the original seem to have disappeared.**

**One thing I’d really like to highlight is that the original four chapters were rather low-quality compared to later ones. At some point, I decided to re-write the first chapter, so you’ll see noticeable dip in quality for chapters two, three, and especially four. I might get around to rewriting chapter four someday, but I’ll hold off on that for now.**

**Starting with Episode Six, I decided to divide longer stories into two or more chapters. It’s easier on readers because they may want to take a break and come back to the story without having to find their place again.**

**I’ve also decided to remove the original author’s notes since much of that stuff is outdated or unimportant now. Please let me know if you enjoy this story. It would really motivate me to make more content.**

Warning: You are about to enter a strange realm. A place between canon and non-canon. A place where it's okay to mix up stories. This place is called The Twirling Zone.

Our story begins in the suburbs that were home to three boys who shared the name Ed. One day Edd, often simply referred to as Double D, was in his house, mopping the kitchen floor. With a few more movements of his mop, Double D was finally done with his task. "Nice, fresh, and spotless," he comforted himself.

His friend Eddy then barged into the room with large quantities of mud on his shoes. "Hey, Double D, your doorbell's broken," Eddy blabbed. "I'd get it fixed if I were you."

"Eddy!" Double D spoke, heavily emphasizing the second syllable with distraught. "You're tracking mud. It wasn't even raining! Where on Earth did the mud come from?"

"Oh," Eddy said casually, "Dad must've spilled that stuff on the garage floor again."

"What do you mean by––Never mind. I don't want to know," Double D said.

"Listen, Double D, you like jawbreakers, right?" Eddy asked.

Double D answered, "Yes, Eddy, I most certainly do, but that doesn't excu––"

Eddy interrupted, "Well, we need a great new scam to attract the local pigeons, then we can take their hard earned money to the candy store."

"I'm already well aware of what we typically do with our spare time. Who do you think you're explaining this to?"

"Let's just go get Ed," said Eddy, somewhat defeated and annoyed.

Double D and Eddy made their way to Ed's house. Like before, Eddy barged into his friend's home with no regard for privacy. They walked into Ed's living room and found him staring at a wall in their house. "Hey, Ed, why ya starin' at that wall," Eddy said.

Ed turned his head and responded, "That's what I've been trying to remember for the past half hour, Eddy."

"Whatever," Eddy said. "Wait a minute. Doesn't Sarah usually watch her favorite show this time of day."

"Oh, yeah," Ed said, "Sarah said she went with Jimmy to get haircuts, then she went with Mom, so she could buy that new doll. Uh, what was its name again?"

"Who cares?" Eddy said. "We don't need those two ankle-biters weighing us down."

As he walked back outside with his friends, Eddy said, "Now what scam are we going to pull today?" Eddy then noticed Nazz walking down the lane with some grocery bags filled with snacks. "Hey, Nazz," Eddy said, "You know, if you had a hunk like me as your boyfriend, he probably wouldn't mind carrying one or two of those bags for you. I'm available, you know."

Nazz giggled and said, "Um, sorry, Eddy. There's a once-in-a-lifetime marathon of _Attack of Seth Hans Jebediah_ episodes."

"Oh, I saw that," Ed exclaimed. "Can you believe they went to––"

Nazz interrupted, "Shh, don't spoil it for me. I'm half a season behind, and I'm going to catch up with the marathon."

"You're into that stuff, Nazz?" Eddy asked, perplexed.

"Yeah, it's a cult classic, and it really proves Satire's not dead," Nazz said.

"Who names their kid Satire?" Ed asked.

"Say, where's Shovel-chin?" Eddy asked after he noticed Kevin's absense.

"Oh, Kevin? He left with Rolf and Jonny to go play paintball. He won't be back until suppertime," Nazz explained. "I'd love to chat, but I'm gonna miss the opening theme. See ya later." With that, Nazz was gone.

Eddy then made a shocking realization. "Wait a minute. Jimmy, Sarah, Jonny, Kevin, Rolf, Nazz… that means there's no one else to scam."

"Why do we scam, Eddy?" Double D questioned. "Can't we make an honest living instead of blindly chasing after quarters we can never obtain."

Eddy defended his actions by saying, "It's not my fault my plans don't work. Something always comes up and ruins everything. If only they knew the pain I go through every day, then they'd––That's it!" He pulled Double D by the shirt and continued. "I'll summon a monster, brain wash it, let it scare the kids, and save them from it, then I'll have their respect. It's fool proof!"

Amazed, Double D said to Eddy, "You got _all that_ from 'if they knew the pain I go through…'?"

"It's a great plan," Eddy said, letting go of Double D.

"Where are you going to get a monster anyway?" Double D asked.

"My brother has a spell book in his room. I'll just use it to summon a Cthulhu or something, and he'll never even know, since he's gone," Eddy explained.

"I don't know about this, Eddy," Double D said.

"Come on. Let's go," Eddy commanded.

Ed followed and added, "Can we name the Cthulhu Carl?"

Meanwhile, Kevin tried to explain the rules of paintball to Rolf and Jonny. "All right. Rolf, your paint is blue, so that means you're on my team, and––"

Rolf then said, "Rolf is already quite aware of how to play the game. A country just north of Rolf's homeland had a competition like this once, only they used the mucous from a two-toed, three-legged frog for paint."

"Uh, what?" Kevin asked, very confused.

Jonny then spoke, "Plank wants to know why you waited until now to explain the rules to us?"

"Oh," Kevin said, "Well, uh, anyway, you've got orange paint, so you're on the other team, and––"

Back to the main plot, the Eds were soon back outside with Eddy's Brother's book, which was blue with shiny silver writing.

"Maybe you should reconsider, Eddy. I've got a bad feeling about this," Double D said. "Besides, the kids are away from the cul-de-sac, Eddy."

"It's gonna work fine." Eddy said angrily. "What could go wrong?" He then looked through the book and found the perfect spell. Little did he know the spell's effect was listed _after_ the required incantation. Eddy held up the book and recited, "Dexter Bravo J… Golden Taxi Carbo Xuad J…" THe book started to glow. "Rocks Bo J… Derooxax Buh J…. Niptar Yo J!" As he finished the incantation, a portal of green energy bursted into the sky, creating many storm clouds, which blocked out the sun.

Inside her house, Nazz noticed the weather was no longer sunny, but she just shrugged it off.

Eddy then panicked, "Ed, what's going on? You're the expert on supernatural stuff. What's going on?!" There was a certain tone of fear in his voice.

Ed then said, "It looks like you cast the wrong spell, thus summoning.––" Ed stopped, never finishing. The three Eds watched as a shadowy figured appear before them. He was a skeleton in a black robe, which had red fabric on the inside. He was holding a tall scythe in his hands.

Ed then exclaimed, "Oh, my gosh! It's Santa!"

"That's not Santa Claus, you idiot," Eddy fired back.

"No, Santa Muerte––the skeletal representation of Death in Spanish culture."

"Well," the dark figure said in a Jamaican accent, "At least he got the death thing right.." He then cleared his throat and said in a dramatic voice, "I am the Grim Reaper, the ultimate force of life and death, the immortal––"

"I'm gonna call you Grim for short," Eddy said.

"That is very rude," Grim said before once again being interrupted.

"Listen," said Eddy, "We need you to scare the kids, so we can earn their respect and therefore their money."

"What makes you think I'll agree to that?"

"How about this? We'll take turns in a Yo Mama joke telling contest. The first person to cry, pass out, or yell in anger after the other person's joke loses, and if you can't come up with a joke within a minute, you also lose."

The Grim Reaper then got an awful smile and said, "I accept. If you win, I'll be your best friend forever, but if I win, I'm taking you and the dumb one under."

"All right, let's do this," Eddy agreed.

"Eddy, come now, we can't do this," Double D argued.

"Don't be such a sockhead, sockhead. I got everything under control."

"Very well, I'll let you go first, but be forewarned that I'll do everything in my power to see you lose."

Little did Grim know that Eddy's brother was a whiz at telling Yo Mama jokes, and Eddy had learned from the master.

"You going or what? I can't wait to see you lose." Grim then let out an evil laugh.

Eddy then looked angry, like he was struggling. He then let out a Yo Mama joke so cool, so extreme, so epic, it must be censored.

[Censored]

Grim fell over and passed out from the sheer might of Eddy's joke. He woke up twelve minutes later, and said, "Oh, what happened?"

"You lost a bet with us," Eddy explained.

"Yeah!" Ed yelled, "and now you're our BEST FRIEND FOEVER!"

"Forever? Really?" Grim asked.

"Yep, forever," Eddy said.

"That's impossible. I am the Grim Reaper! The master of life and death!"

"I hate to add insult to injury, but you really must have a gambling problem," said Double D.

"No. No! NOOOOOOO!" Grim exclaimed in anguish. "This can't be! This can't be real!"

"Oh, just shut up already!" Eddy exclaimed, and so… the Grim Reaper was forever enslaved to the three boys named Ed, but this is only the beginning of our story. There are many, many more supernatural adventures to be had for them, and it all started here.

**Original release date: 8 July 2013 [rewritten 13 July 2015]**


	2. Skeletons in the Water Ed

_The New Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Chapter 2 "Skeletons in the Water Ed"

Written by Reginald Konga

The morning after was a Tuesday, and not just any Tuesday. It was the first Tuesday of the rest of Eddy's life. I'll stop trying to sound fancy now.

Eddy pounded his hands on the kitchen table, (somehow not getting his hands bruised), and said, "We need to make the most out of this opportunity. Now, we can't have Grim reap people; can't afford the lawsuit, and the author can't afford to lose the "K+" rating, so here's what we're going to do. We let the kids meet Grim for twenty-five minutes for **seventy**-five cents. That way there's always one jawbreaker for each of us. Last scam we had only let us have two, and-"

"What about me?" Grim interrupted, "Don't I get any of this cash?"

Eddy then said, "Shut up, slave."

"Yes, sir," Grim responded.

Eddy went on with the ten scams he had come up with last night. He didn't even notice when one of Grim's demon friends showed up. "Hey, Grim, I finally found you. I've been looking for you all day."

Eddy continued with his lecture, "and then we'll sell our stories to the tabloids, then immediately copyright our memoirs, so they can't make any of our money, and…"

"So who's the idiot with no idea how copyright works?" the demon asked Grim.

"I lost a bet, and now I have to be friends with these clowns forever," Grim answered.

"So what would you have won in this bet?" the green little demon asked.

"I don't remember," Grim said, a bit angry about losing.

"Hold on," the demon left, and came back with a yellow and blue demon as well, and they started laughing at him. If that's not how it happened in the original show, GEEZ GET OFF MY BACK!

"Hey," Eddy said, finally noticing the demons, "stop distracting my slave." Eddy then grabbed them, and slingshotted them out the window using their tails, and then they landed in a Garbage Truck. YEEUCK! Eddy went on to finish his lecture. "So what do you think?" Eddy asked afterwards, waiting for someone to call him a genius.

"Actually, Eddy, I think we should, well, maybe keep Grim a secret."

"A secret?" Eddy repeated.

"Yes, perhaps it would be best to have Grim on the sidelines for now. Otherwise, the other kids might, um, how do I put this? They might abuse Grim or his secret trunk." Double D explained.

"Hmm, I like the way you think. All right, Grim, how do you plan on helping us get jawbreakers?"

"I don't," Grim said, "I hate all of you."

"Oh, come on, Grimes, we can do all sorts of cool things together," Ed said. He then imagined an entire montage of Grim and Ed being best friends, at places like a ferris wheel, a trust-falling platform, etc. There's really no need for me to go on with this. You get the picture. Grim just shudders.

Rolf walked in at that moment and said, "Forgive this intrusion, Square-Peg-in-Round-Hole Ed-Boy, but Rolf has…" Ed then saw Grim, and the Eds gave him that "Oh crumb, he knows" sort of look. Rolf then said, "Who is this Camgifsa?"

Grim then said, "Excuse me?" because he had no idea what Rolf just said.

Eddy, trying to cover his tracks, then said, "Yeah, a CAM-G'F-SIA. Uh, just to be sure, _you_know what you're talking about, why don't you give us a bit of information."

"Forgive me, Eddy, but that is what Rolf's people refer to him as. As you probably already know, a [smoke appears around Rolf, and cheap yet overly detailed pictures help Rolf tell his story] Camgifsa are skeletons who were once graced with ruby eyes, sapphire noses, and emerald teeth, until one day they were punished by Yeshmiyak for their arrogance in creating the tree of heads. [The smoke transitions back to reality] They had their ruby, sapphire, and emerald body parts removed and placed them in the ground for humans to find, and were forced to always wear white robes with blue fabric within them." Rolf finished his story. He then noticed Grim didn't quite fit the bill. "Yet, your Camgifsa has a black robes with red insides. Interesting. Rolf knew Yeshmiyak forgave the Camgifsa, but not to this extent."

Eddy, trying to save his ship, told Rolf, "I guess your story got, uh, lost in transrazun."

"That's 'lost in translation,' Eddy," Double D corrected him.

"Yeah, what he said," Eddy said, now pushing Rolf towards the door, "Now, I'm afraid you'll have to leave, as we have very important Camfigas stuff to do."

"But Eddy, Rolf requests a favor from Single D Ed-b-" Eddy slammed the door in Rolf's face.

"All right, now where were we?" Eddy asked returning to his friends.

Immediately after Eddy said that, one could hear Sarah yell "ED!" alerting big Ed that he was in trouble. "I told you to clean up the living room, because Jimmy was going to test out his new video game system, and…!" Sarah stopped and saw Grim. I should probably explain the game system. You see, _Ed, Edd n Eddy_never adapted to modern times, as they seemed to always be stuck in 1999. I'd like to modernize this series, because That Grim Show takes place in modern times. Basically, Jimmy's parents bought him a video game system, so he would feel empowered and hopefully gain some confidence. While this show doesn't feature brand names, Jimmy's system looks similar to the Platinum-colored GameCube. So much for modern times. Well, it's a start. Perhaps, Jimmy's parents didn't want to spend a lot, so they got it used.

"Who is that?" Sarah said, half yelling.

"A Camgifsa…" Ed answered.

"That's the Grim Reaper." Sarah said. It was hard to tell if her voice sounded happy because she was thinking of the cruelty she could inflict, or because of the evil-free joy-ride she could receive. It was similar to whenever Sarah would give Ed a long list of things to do, and when Ed asked if that was all, pull out an impossibly long list of things to do, and say, "I'm just getting started." Yeah, that bad.

Where was I? Oh, yes. Jimmy was rather excited about this. "Oh, goody, goody, the Grim Reaper is my play-mate."

"Excuse me, Jimmy," Edd said politely, "but why aren't you afraid of Grim."

Jimmy explained, "At this point, I'm convinced Sarah could beat the Hulk in an arm-wrestling contest if she really wanted to, so I have nothing to fear."

"Fair enough," Edd replied.

Eddy felt his ship had sunk, so he had to explain himself. "We beat the Grim Reaper here in a "Yo Mama" joke-telling contest, and now he has to be our best friend forever."

"Is that so?" Sarah said in the same tone as earlier, "Well then, I guess that makes him our best friend too."

"Listen, bub, I don't just go extending a deal I don't like. I'm the Grim-"

Sarah got up in Grim's face and hissed. No, really, she got in Grim's face. It was really weird.

Sarah got down, and said to Ed, "Ed, you better let us play with your new friend, or I'm telling mom you're housing a monster!"

"Oh no, don't do that," Ed exclaimed nervously.

Eddy whispered to Grim, "Is there any way to brainwash her?"

Grim whispered back, "There is, but it won't turn out good for anybody."

"I HEARD THAT!" Sarah yelled, back in Grim's face, "Listen, you're all going to play with me, and you're going to like it!"

Eddy then confidently said, "No, we're not."

"WHYYYY NOT!?" Sarah responded.

"Because last time we did, it led to one of the author's least favorite episodes," Eddy said.

"Good point," Sarah said, "but we're still taking Grim's stick." Sarah and Jimmy ran off with Grim's scythe.

"Hey, you rotten kids, come back here with my scythe," Grim said with redundancy. He chased after them. Outside, Jimmy and Sarah started to ride the scythe through the air. "Oh no," Grim said to the Eds who had followed closely behind, "This is bad. If two mortals that young are in possession of my scythe, they could cause some serious trouble to the mortal world?"

"Like what?" Eddy asked.

Suddenly, down the Cul-de-Sac you could hear a very girlish scream. Grim, Ed, Edd n Eddy rushed around the corner, expecting Nazz around that left turn, but it turned out to be Kevin. Jimmy and Sarah turned Kevin into his "spirit animal," who turned out to be a Preying Mantis. I could make a reference to _Space Ghost Coast to Coast_, but I'm not going to.

Eddy gasped at this development. Rolf, trying to defeat Mantis Kevin, was turned into a snake. "Ahh! One of Rolf's greatest fears has come true." This is similar to "Hand Me Down Ed," in which Rolf was the only one to notice the change, and remember changing.

Jimmy then points over at Jonny. "Ooh, ooh, Sarah, change him." Sarah laughed as she turned the scythe she was flying on around quickly and striking Jonny. Jonny turned into a crane, still retaining his giant head.

"Nooooo, sto-o-o-o-o-op, don't!" Nazz said.

"Take it, Blondie," Sarah said, before striking her with the pink laser.

Nazz transformered into a half-tiger half-human, similarly to the Thunder Cats. She then ambushed Eddy, who screamed. Then she started to lick Eddy, who couldn't decide whether to smile or not. Double D looks at Grim, and said, "We need to stop them, but how?"

"We need to get back to my Trunk. I hid it in…" Suddenly, Grim was turned into his spirit animal, a penguin, which is actually canon, remember?

"Dear [L-word, sorry, K+ rating], this is awful. It's the abysmal climax of armageddon!"

Sarah laughed manically, thinking this was all in fun. She zapped Double D turning him into a hairy ape, which was, somehow, his spirit animal. Eddy gets into a fetal position behind a bush, and started fearfully singing a normally upbeat song.

Suddenly, Ed jumped way up into the sky, shouted "TURN ME INTO A CHICKEN!" and knocked the scythe out from under Sarah and Jimmy, which then returned to Grim, turning him back to normal. He then slammed bottom of the scythe onto the ground, which, in turn, caused everyone to turn back to normal, and fall unconscious.

"Are they…?" Eddy started to ask, having come out of his hiding place.

"No, their time has not come. They'll wake up, believing that what they witnessed was all just a bad dream. Help me put them back to bed." Sarah and Jimmy tried to run off. "And as for you," Grim said, right before freezing them. The episode ended with Eddy "trying" to get Kevin back into the house, while he's turned sideways, which caused Kevin to get his head hit several times, with Eddy happily repeated "Whoops."

**Original release date: 24 July 2013**


	3. Ed and the Bully

_ The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy _

Chapter Three "Ed and the Bully"

Written by Reginald Konga

It was a bright and sunny day. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and Ed was living it up. "Hey, guys, let's play Base-ket-ball. I'll be the boxer."

"Ed, we don't have time for your nonsense," Eddy said, "we have to get ready for the new scam. Ed's miniature golf course, where the kids line up to play five holes, but not just any holes. Grim here is going to be helping out from the sidelines."

"I hate you," Grim said at his bush, where he was stationed.

"Shut up, slave," Eddy bellowed.

"Yes, sir," Grim said.

"Come on guys, the tennis ball is the most important part. How else can we have a golf club?" Ed asked, still not knowing what game he wanted to play.

"Ed, I don't know what game you want us to play, nor do I want to know," Double D said, "but we need to focus on jawbreakers right now, because when the kids find out about our mythical acquaintance, things are going to go belly-up."

"Frozen penguin," Ed said in stupidity.

Grim walked over to Eddy and said, "Can I take a coffee break?"

"We just started," Eddy said, "now get back into position before someone sees-"

"Well," someone said from far behind Eddy. Down the street stood Kevin, who had discovered the Eds' secret. "Look whose made a new friend," he said, "what an_ugly_skeleton costume. What's up with that robe? What's he supposed to be? Your mom."

"Why, I never," Grim said.

"He talks like your mom too," Kevin said to no one in particular, before laughing, "check it out Rolf, some loser's hanging out with the Eds in a skeleton costume."

"That is a camgifsa, Kevin," Rolf said. Neither of them knew what Grim really was.

"You better stop, little boy, before I get really angr-" Grim said, being interrupted.

"What's a guy in a skeleton costume gonna do, aha-haa," Kevin was either in a really good mood or really bad mood...

Edd tries to calm down Grim, "Take it easy, Grim; we can talk about it." He was a bit concerned Grim would do something that would get him in BIG Trouble.

"Yeah, he seems like the kind to talk about his feelings: little girly girl. Ahaha!"

At this point, Edd was using a large feather fan, (you know, like in ancient egypt), to cool Grim down, saying "stay calm."

Grim had had almost all he could take, "I'm warning you!"

"Warning me of what? That you'll bore me to death with stories of your cosplaying at conventions. HA"

"That does it! I didn't want to have to do this… Well, actually, I did," Grim said, grabbing his scythe. He zapped Kevin with a ray, that shocked Kevin, causing him to jerk and twitch.

Rolf realized this was no Camgifsa, and recognized Grim from the storybooks he read at Peach Creek Elementary. Jonny looked at this development and said, "It's the Grim Reaper, Plank… Cool!" Smoke went everywhere, and when it cleared, they all saw a new Kevin.

Kevin now had a yellow shirt, white pants, and a blue cap. He also had longer eyelashes, and had a softer voice. He spoke, "Hello, my name is Kinev, what's your name?"

"Oh, dear," Double D said in horror.

"Geez Louis," Eddy astounded.

"Hooray! A new friend! Say, have you seen Kevin around here; I haven't seen him all day." Ed was very happy to meet the new Kevin. He introduced himself, "Hello, Kinev. MY NAME IS ED!"

"Pleased to meet you, Ed," Kinev said, "I hope we can become good friends."

"What did you do, Grim," Eddy asked.

"I got fed up with his mouth, so I rebooted his personality," Grim explained.

Eddy was very annoyed that they were still focused on Kevin. "Listen, we need to get back to that miniature golf course right now, before…" Eddy yelled, before Kinev interrupted him.

"Miniature, golf. I love miniature golf," Kinev said. He then reached into his pockets, and pulled out a five dollar bill. "Will this cover it if both Ed and I play," he said in a sweet voice.

"Welleruhh, yes," Eddy said, nervously trying to seal the deal.

"Wow, I don't know me own strength," Grim said, pleased.

"Come on, new friend, let's play some miniature boxetball," Ed said to Kinev, as they walked over the unfinished golf course.

Warning: the following paragraph is very sappy. Read at your own risk.

A montage ensued to the tune of "Why can't we be friends." Kinev putted his ball into the hole. Ed threw his club into the trash can monster that was supposed to be the final hole; even though they were still on the first hole. Kinev and Ed started laughing. Ed and Kinev rode a ferris wheel. They got off of a roller coaster. They got their butts figuratively kicked at the bumper cars attraction. They played laser tag at an arcade; however, the two did terrible at they were on different teams and started shooting their own teammates, which, due to the rules, did nothing. The montage ended with them on a hill overlooking a sunset.

Grim and Eddy were sitting at the kitchen table at Eddy's house. Grim was on the left, with the right hand holding up his head. Eddy was looking at the table moving his finger in a counterclockwise rotation. "So, what did you think of that re-run of Columbo last night?" Eddy asked.

"Didn't see it," Grim replied.

They went back to being bored, then Eddy asked, "Say have you seen Double D? I haven't seen him in a while." Double D walks in and Eddy yells, "Davy Jones, he's naked," a salute to old school SpongeBob fans.

"I wanted to feel the breeze between my knees, ya dig?" Double D said.

"I cannot express how upset I am at this point," Grim said face-palming, "Wait a minute. You don't think…?"

Eddy and Grim went over to Nazz's house, and knocked on the door. A goth Nazz came out, pointed at Grim, and said, "Finally, you're here. What took you so long?"

Eddy and Grim screamed. They went over to Jonny's house. Jonny answered the door with square glasses on and said really, REALLY fast, "Not-now-I-have-to-do-the-dishes-have-some-coffee- paint-the-house-orange-give-the-dog-a-bath-paint-t he-house-green-mow-the-lawn-get-a-job-as-a-cashier -"

Eddy slammed the door in Jonny's face. They then ran over to Jimmy's house. Jimmy not only answered, but also removed the door with his muscles and said, "Yeeeeah, whatdoya want?!" Eddy gasped, and Grim fainted. Grim woke up four minutes later, and said, "Great Barrier Reef. When I changed Kevin to being nice, I must have slowly started to reverse the revolution of the Earth, creating the same effect on people as the Hirozshonic Boomerang."

Rolf then came in, indadvertedly singing, and tried to beg for Eddy to stop him from singing. Eddy asks Grim, "Wait, why wasn't *I* affected by all this?"

"When I fire a large energy beam from me scythe, I create a small forcefield around me. You must have been inside that forcefield when I zapped Kevin," Grim explained, "We've got to hurry and get Kevin back normal before something _REALLY_bad happens."

Eddy and Grim went down the street of the city, looking for Ed and Kinev. "Maybe, this won't be so bad," Eddy said, "Sarah acted very nice to us, when we asked her where Kevin was, Jimmy no longer cries all the time, and Kevin is overall nice. I don't see what the big deal-" Eddy then looked into a store to his left with several Television sets. One was turned to Nickelodeon, and had _Ed, Edd n Eddy _on it. "Dear lord! We've been put on Nickelodean, or worse, syndicated?! What do we do?!"

"Eddy, I think you've broken the fourth wall, enough in this story…" Grim said.

"Grim, we have to do something about Kinev. If we don't, who knows what other horrible things are true in this world."

"Hello, chums," Kinev said, walking down the street with Ed, "How are you two this fine day?"

"There he is, Grim," Eddy yelled, "zap him."

Quickly and anticlimactically, Grim zapped another laser at Kinev, changing him back to the way he once was.

"What are you two dorks doing?" Kevin said.

"Wait a minute," Eddy said, "that was it?! I thought it would be harder than that…"

Grim then said, "Well, at least it's better than the original ending to that "Grim Show" episode. Just be glad you were still in my shield, and not reversed in some awkward twist ending or something."

"I guess you're right," Eddy said.


	4. Get Out of My Ed

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Chapter Four "Get Out of My Ed"

Written by Reginald Konga

On Thursday at 11:05 AM, Rolf, Jimmy, Sarah, Kevin, Jonny, and Nazz held a meeting because they had figured out that Grim was actually the Grim Reaper. The Ed's had been caught red handed creating a hamster to sell to Jimmy… from scratch. They had decided to hold the meeting in Kevin's garage, which had been emptied of jawbreakers, to decide just what to do with the Ed's and Grim.

"All right," Kevin said, hitting the table with his fist, "I propose we steal the Grim Reaper's Scythe like Sarah and Jimmy did, and turn the Ed's and that skeleton into bacon." Kevin was at the end of the rectangular table and was the farthest from the garage door. To Kevin's right there was Rolf, who was sitting opposite to Jimmy. Further down was Sarah, who was opposite to Nazz. Jonny was sitting at the opposite end of the table.

Sarah said, "No way am I getting close to that thing. I didn't know how powerful it was until I stole it. I could be killed."

"Not with a 'K+' rating, you won't," Jimmy said re-assuringly.

"Maybe," Jonny started, "Nevermind." Jonny had become frightened. Striking fear in Jonny's heart was very hard to do. Jonny was going to suggest the idea of getting on Grim's good side, but decided not to join in.

"Rolf thinks we should kidnap the Ed boys," Rolf said, "as Rolf has noticed the Grin Reaper likes the Ed boys, so much he'll do anything to save them." Rolf was wrong as Grim would do anything to get out of his contract. Nevertheless, the kids liked this idea. There were a few exchanges of dialogue, but they could not be distinguished from one another.

Nazz put her hands on the table, and stood up. "We can't just do this," she said, "we need to-"

Something changed. There was a white flash. It erased the day, or rather the last 76 hours, so the Eds were never caught that Wednesday.

On Monday at 7:15 AM, Ed came over to Eddy's house to bother him with stupid questions. When he entered Eddy's house, he asked Eddy, who was eating breakfast, his first dumb question. "Eddy, how would someone know if three mice were blind?" Ed asked.

"Go play in traffic," Eddy growled.

"Why do people drive on parkways but park on driveways?" Ed asked idiotically.

"Why don't you take a long walk off a short pier?" Eddy snapped back.

"If color needs light to exist, is the inside of a watermelon pink before you cut it open?" Ed asked.

"HIT THE ROAD!" Eddy yelled.

"Eddy," Ed started.

"What?!" Eddy asked.

"If hot dogs are sold in 10's, why are hot dog buns sold in 8's and 12's? Isn't that counter-productive?" Ed asked.

Eddy just stared at Ed for a second. He then turns, and walks off, saying, "Is Double D up yet?"

Double D was busy disassembling an old radio, when something weird happened. Eddy was about to sneak up on Double D and yell "Hey, Double D!" but there appeared to be a magenta lightning from the left side of the screen downwards to the right side. It had a slightly slimmer cyan lightning bolt to the left and below it, and a much slimmer yellow lightning bolt to the right of it. It all happened in eight tenths of a second. Eddy then yelled from behind Double D, "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" A salute to any YouTuber who gets this impossibly obscure reference.

Suddenly, life seemed to fast forward, as the Eds were quickly dissembling Rolf's chicken coop. Rolf explained at an impossibly fast speed the story of an ugly boy who took a new head from a tree. Things went back to normal as Ed slanted a 2-Dimensional tree to the right. The tree fell over and became a type of ramp. Eddy ran up the ramp to the other side for an unknown reason and was closely followed by Ed and Double D.

Eddy walked over to Jonny's house, which wasn't far away but instead very small. It was also 2-Dimensional. "Let's turn this into a boomerang," Eddy suggested. Eddy wasn't quite himself. He seemed much more destructive than usual. Eddy than turned away from the camera and twisted the 2-D house. He turned around and threw the boomerang. The boomerang went just to the right of camera, turned around and knocked out the sun.

"This is strange," Double D said, starting to become aware of the situation. "But who cares?" he then said, turning back to the insanity. As the Ed's re-enacted the events of "1 + 1 = Ed," Grim noticed things seemed a bit odd.

"Hmm, this is strange," Grim said, "usually when reality falls apart, we're supposed to see a CGI vortex, and turn into Powerpuff Girls." Grim then looked at the Eds who were trying to shave a pickle with a rusty grilled cheese. I don't know how that would work either. "Hmm, I could understand Ed doing something that weird, but Double D?"

Grim then noticed something more important. There stood a curvaceous woman with long, golden hair, a white tiara, and a slight gap in her teeth. She had beautiful blues eyes and wore a dress from ancient Greek times. She appeared a bit angry at all the distortedness around her. Grim recognized her. He walked up to her from behind and said, "Hey, Eris."

"You fool," she yelled, "you don't know what you've done."

"Don't try to make me the bad guy. You're probably responsible for all this chaos."

"No, Grim, I'm not. The being known as JXCTGKZ is the being responsible for all this, and you've just blown my cover."

From out of newly-formed crevices in the ground came strange anthropomorphic birds on what could either be a motor-bike or a high-tech broomstick. "Seize them!" the purple commander yelled. The other, teal birds responded and started to circle grim. "Ha," the commander yelled, "there's no way out of that circle." Anyone with a brain could figure out that Eris and Grim could simply fly over the circle with Grim's scythe. Of course, this was not what the two decided on.

Grim pulled out his scythe and used it to form a green swirling vortex. "Follow me," Grim yelled, and Eris complied. They escaped to an abandoned middle school surrounded by lava in the Underworld. It was thee-stories, but wasn't big for a three-story school. It could truly only hold 800 students, and when you account for children from the Underworld, it holds even less.

"Grim, why did you bring us to this some random high school?" Eris asked.

"I didn't think anyone even remembered this place. Now, tell me what's going on, Eris?" I would like to remind any fans of _Billy & Mandy_ that Eris was not originally insane. She went insane after a few seasons, possibly due to Billy.

"Fine. I enjoy chaos as much as the next girl, but JXCTGKZ went too far. He erased the world a few days from now, when he cast his spell to deteriorate reality. Without an over world to cause chaos in, I'll simply serve no purpose as the Goddess of Chaos."

"Still going by that title, eh?" Grim interrupted. For the purposes of this fan fiction, Greek Mythology is semi-canon with this story. It makes things easier to write.

"Yes, thank you very much. Now listen, we have to find JXCTGKZ before he destroys the over world, and-"

Eris was interrupted. JXCTGKZ had found them. He was three foot two, and was quite muscular. He had purple skin and had a green mustache. JXCTGKZ was wearing a suit and tie the same color as his skin. He spoke, "Hello, Eris, ah-ah-ah-a" Whenever he laughed, he did it backwards.

"Listen, JXCTGKZ, you're going to destroy the over world in a few days," Eris said trying to rationalize with the strange creature.

"I'll do know such thing."

Grim looked at a screen on his scythe's blade. "Yes, you will," he said, "according to this, at 11:18 on Thursday of this week, you're going to tear a riff in the space-time continuum. You've got to stop before…"

"Before what? Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-a," JXCTGKZ laughed, "There's no way you can stop me. I am all-powerful. I am unstoppable. I am…" Before he could say the word "invincible," Double D, Ed, and Eddy came bursting in, in that order. "Guards, seize them."

Double D then picked up a can of "Spaghetti-loops," and said, "Who wants soup?" He then poured the Spaghetti-loops in the lava, and tasted it. He appeared much larger, because depth had been destroyed.

Eddy then said, "Yeah, but I brought my own: my favorite, Cheddar and Swiss soup with broth made from blue cheese." He then continued using a cheese grader to make noodles for his soup.

"No, stop," said JXCTGKZ, "this is beyond chaos. This is…"

"THIS," Ed yelled behind him.

"What are you doing?" asked JXCTGKZ.

"IS," Ed continued.

"Don't do it," yelled JXCTGKZ. He was held in place by some unknown force. I can only assume that force was that of Ed's comedic interest.

"PA-TRICK!" Ed then pushed JXCTGKZ into a black hole that appeared out of nowhere. Just then, everything went back to normal. Sarah, Jonny, Jimmy, Rolf, Kevin, Nazz, Ed, Edd n Eddy wound up unconscious in the Cul-de-Sac.

Eris and Grim looked at each other. "Did what just happened," Grim asked, "really happen?"

"Perhaps it did; perhaps it didn't," Eris said.

"So, uh, want to get some coffee sometime?" Grim asked, a bit nervous.

"Yeah right," Eris said sarcastically in a valley-girl accent, "like I'd be caught dead hanging out with you!" Eris then vanished in a puff of smoke.

"There she goes again," Grim said sadly, "always changing her psyche."

[Iris-out]

** _The End_ **

Edd: Wait, we forgot to introduce the golden apple.

Eddy: Oh, get over it!


	5. Tickle Me Ed

_The NEW Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Chapter Five "Tickle Me Ed"

Written by Reginald Konga

**Yeah, I know. It's been a month since I updated, but I'm not getting paid, so I don't care. I would care, however, if you read my blog. Visit my profile on here for a link (Fiction Press won't let me post the link here).**

**This marks the final time I'll be writing a story from start to finish. From now on, I'll decide how the chapter will end before I write it. Special thanks goes out to the man who wrote the Earth 2 Edd guide to writing fan fiction.**

**This chapter also appears a bit long, but this may be due to all the breaks between paragraphs. Please tell me in the reviews if the length of this chapter seems a bit overwhelming.**

"No, guys, please don't go!" Ed begged Eddy. He was crying Eddy and Double D a river. No, really. There were streams of tears coming from Ed's eyes.

"For the thousandth time, Ed," Eddy yelled, "we'll be back at four today!"

"But that' s five hours away," Ed said in absolute misery.

"Actually, Ed, that would be three hours," Double D corrected.

"Seven hours without you guys," Ed whined.

"Forget it, Double D," Eddy said, having completely lost his patience, "he can't even count to 2!"

Thusly, Edd and Eddy drove off with Eddy's parents to…

The author then stops to think about where they'd be going. Did they ever explain where Mandy's family went in that "Tickle Me Mandy" episode? Oh, well.

Grim woke up at 2:02 PM. "Ohhh," he groaned. He had been asleep for the past 2 days, and Double D and Ed were starting to get worried about him. "That's the last time I check in on … what the Network's doing … I still can't believe they Green-Lit _Clarence_but not _Lakewood Plaza Turbo_…" The author then forms a troll face, and sings the Trolololo song.

Ed then came into the room, still crying about his loss (or lack thereof). "WAAAAH," Ed bellowed, "Grim, Edd and Eddy are gone forever."

"Forever?" Grim repeated, ecstatic, "YIPPEE!" Grim then sees Ed's nose is dripping a certain lime green substance he knew far too well. "All right," Grim yelled, "I'll make you another Eddy and Double D if you just stop crying!"

"Yay!"

"But I'll need an article of D.N.A." Grim finished.

"That's okay, Grim," Ed said in a disturbingly cheerful voice, "I have a jar _full_ of toenails from them."

"Eeeyuck!" Grim said, "how long have you been keeping those?" He then regained his monotone, "Never mind, I'm sure I don't want to know."

Grim took the jars, and filled them with some black liquid. The liquid turned green in the jar of Edd's toenails and purple in the jar of Eddy's. Suddenly, they started swirling by themselves, forming two tornados. Eddy's jar's tornado was pale blue while Edd's jar's tornado was dark red. Lightning bolts flew out of both tornados. Edd's tornado formed yellow lightning bolts, while Eddy's formed orange lightning bolts. Finally, it all stopped. Ed was amazed, but Grim seemed to be bored. Before them now stood clones of Double D and Eddy. There were mild differences between the clones and the originals. Double D's clone had red-violet pants and green shoes. Eddy's clone had a yellow bowling shirt with a purple stripe and a red collar. He was also wearing green shoes.

Double D's clone spoke with a voice that sounded strange, almost as if it were Ed trying to sound like Double D. He also spoke with a strange lack of emotion, as if he were voiced by someone who was reading their lines for the first time. "Say, Eddy, why are we standing here with the wrong clothing on? Why does my voice sound different? Egads, what happened to Ed's living room?"

Eddy's clone spoke with a much more emotional voice, but he sounded like Eddy trying to sound like Kevin. "Hey, Double D, I think we may have been cloned."

"Why is that?" Double D's clone asked.

"Because Ed thought that Double D and Eddy were gone forev-"

"No, I mean why do you think that we are clones?"

Grim interrupted, "because you are?"

"Oh my gosh," Double D's clone said without any emotion, "I cannot believe this. My whole life is a lie."

"Come on, new friends," Ed said with incredibly slow reaction time, "let's go outside and play."

Before Ed, New Double D, and New Eddy could have a sappy and uninteresting montage, Eddy and Double D walked into the room and were not pleased. They had returned home from … something.

"Umm, Grim, who are these guys?" Double D asked.

Grim almost completely lost his mind. He face twitched. He then turned to Ed and said, "Ed, I thought you said they were gone forever!" He then turned back to Edd and Eddy, and talked in a rushed, nervous voice. "Well, you see. Ed told me that you guys were gone, so I had you cloned from Ed's collection of your toenails. HE FORCED ME TO DO IT, and…"

Eddy interrupted. "Hold the phone. You created these clones out of thin air?"

"Well, I needed some DNA, but…" Grim answered a bit frightened by what Eddy might suggest.

"Do I even need to tell you anything else?" Eddy asked.

"No," Grim answered. With that, Eddy started clipping his toenails, and Grim prepared to make 24 more Eddy's.

"Eddy, please tell me you're not going to do what I infer you're going to do," Double D begged.

"That's right, Double D," Eddy responded, "with twenty-five other me's, I'll be rich. Excuse me, I need to get a cup to spit in. I need as many clones as I can get." As he started walking off, you could hear him say, "Maybe 25 clones won't be enough."

Double D started to panic. "Grim, please inform Eddy of the consequences of his actions!"

"I couldn't change that's boy mind no matter how hard I'd try, so I won't bother," Grim answered.

Three minutes later…

"All right, Grim, I got spit, toenails, fingernails, hair from my eyes brows, hair from my legs, hair from my––"

"Enough," Grim told Eddy.

"But Eddy," Double D pleaded, "it took an entire _jar_ of toenails to get one clone of you. How are we going to do this with…?"

"Shut up, Double D," Eddy demanded.

"Eddy!" Double D said, both annoyed and nervous.

Grim conjured up another 24 Eddy's. This time the smoke filled the entire house. "Air, I must have air!" Double D exclaimed. He went outside, and so did Eddy. When they finished coughing Eddy said, "Man, that's a lot of smoke, but it'll all be worth it. In this episode, my clones will do everything for me: build stands for En-O-Gee drinks, put up signs above the garage, and everything else. I won't have to lift a finger, and Ed won't be messing everything up. Plus, since I read the plot summary, I know exactly how to solve this when it goes belly-up and I won't have to give up my money! Hehehe!"

"Charge!" Eddy #3 (the one with yellow skin) said.

"Get him!" Eddy #7 (the one with orange skin) said.

"We must destroy Eddy Prime," Eddy #5 (the one with Rolf's shirt) said.

"That stupid _Ed Fanon Wikia_ trash lied to me!" Eddy prime exclaimed.

"Capture him!" Eddy #9 (the one with the big nose) barked.

Eddy Prime was surrounded. They grabbed him and thrusted him into the air. They then carried him off to Kevin's house.

Kevin answered the door, saw all the Eddy's, and immediately shouted, "Your mother!" Kevin was then mauled by Eddy's number 2, 4, 8, 10, and 25 and then fell unconscious.

Grim finally stepped out of the house. "All right," he said in a bad mood, "what happened?"

"The clones have hauled Eddy away, and they beat up Kevin?" Double D answered.

"Oh, good. I thought something bad happened," Grim said, relieved. Double D looked at Grim with a very angered face and growled. Grim then said, "Don't worry, Double D. I didn't have enough D.N.A. to create stable clones. In about 45 minutes, they'll just turn to dust in an explosion capable of destroying half of Eddy's house. I'm sure they'll kill Eddy, but that's something we'll just have to live with." Grim then laughed evilly.

Double D then brought something to Grim's attention, "If there's two dozen clones, and they're all close together, won't the kinetic energy be enough to blow up half the neighborhood."

"Oh my gosh! You're right. We can't let that happen," Grim said anxiously, "Four days ago, I bought seven hundred lottery tickets in my attempt to re-enact those clichés you see on television! The rules state if a hundred thousand dollars in damages is spent, the lottery is cancelled with no refunds!"

"What kind of lottery…?" Double started to say, "Nevermind. We need to save Eddy, _and_the neighborhood."

Five minutes later…

"Eddyyyyy!" Grim called.

"Eddyyyyy!" Double D called.

"Eddyyyyy!" They both called.

"So what's the plan again?" Double D asked Grim.

"We're going to summon a portal with me scythe," Grim explained, "then we paralyze them with me scythe and force them into the vortex. It should lead to an igloo they won't be able to escape from, all the way in the arctic circle. That way no one will be hurt by the explosion."

"You know, you're not so evil for a Grim Reaper," said Double D, who hadn't stopped walking.

"Bah, don't mention it," Grim said, displeased. He then heard something. "Look it's them." Down the street, across an three-way intersection was a pet store, and Eddy #14, Eddy #16, and Eddy #2 were standing in an alley to the left of it, talking about something, but Grim and Double D couldn't make it out. Grim and Edd ran to them, and Grim zapped them with his scythe, then he opened the portal, and pushed them in there.

"That wasn't so hard," Grim said, looking to his right at Double D.

Suddenly, a giant burst of water fired from a super water gun hit Grim, and it was up to Double D to stop #4, #13, and #19. Double D thrusted towards the scythe, and grabbed it just in time. Then then rolled to his left, and shot at the clones.

"Ha! You missed!" Eddy #13 boasted.

"Wasn't aiming for you!" Double D said confidently. He winked, and the clones looked behind themselves, to see the vortex. (We can only assume at this time that any idiot can properly use Grim's scythe to do almost anything Grim can do.) Double D made one pink blast of energy, which exploded on Eddy #19. They were then pushed into the vortex. "You haven't heard the last of––" Eddy #4 was cut off.

Double D went over to the beaten up Grim, and extended his hand to help Grim up. Grim then said, "We have to stop them. I'd say we only have twenty-four minutes before they blow up, but where could they be?"

Grim and Double D suddenly realize where the other clones must have went to. "The bank!" they both yelled.

"Well, they weren't at the bank…" Double D said, making the last 20 seconds of your life: a complete waste of time!

"I guess they realized they wouldn't be capable of robbing a bank, but we still don't know where they are, and we've only got about eighteen minutes left."

They were on the steps to the bank. Double D then had an epiphany. "Wait a second! Eddy was always fond of that van in the junkyard. Perhaps we'll find the clones there."

Double D and Grim ran to the Junkyard as quickly as they could. This time, Double D _was_correct. "Good, with seven minutes to spare…" Grim said.

Fourteen clones were standing by the van arguing. They all suddenly noticed Grim and Double, with wide-opened eyes (though not with cartoonishly big eyes).

Grim opened a knocked five of the clones into a portal. Another eight charged at him, while four stayed in the van. Luckily, Grim was able to open up a portal at their feet, causing seven of them to fall in.

The remaining clone spoke, "Hey, you know what? I can jump in that portal." With that the final of the thirteen clones jumped into the portal.

Three of the clones ran out of the back of the van, but ran into a newly-formed portal. Grim opened the door to the van to find Clone #23. "You wouldn't hit a man surrendering, would you?"

Grim opened a portal and tossed the Eddy with the bright green bowling shirt into it.

"I think that's the last of them," Grim said, relieved.

"That's only twenty-three. We're missing one."

"Looking for me," yelled a voice.

Clone #17 was standing with Eddy Prime in a lock, and in his hand was a water pistol (because Standards & Practices won't get off my back!) "Don't make a move or the genetic material gets it!"

Double D looked at Grim, "we have no choice."

"If Eddy dies, they'll all explode. I forgot to mention that part. Kind of seems like the author pulled it out of the air now." Yeah, I guess I could go back and change the part about the clones being unstable and exploding to them exploding because they killed Eddy, but this fan fiction has been delayed enough.

Ed then walked up, "Hey, guys. Oh my gosh! Two Eddy's! Which one do I hit?"

"You… you seriously can't tell us apart?" said the clone.

"Oh my gosh––I just can't tell…!" Ed yelled.

"He's out on the streets and not locked up in a looney bin… I don't want to live on this planet anymore…" With that, the final clone gave up.

Three days later, Ed, Edd, Eddy, and Grim all are sitting on the couch (or in Eddy's case, in front of the couch). "So Grim what'd you ever do with those clones?" Eddy asked.

"Oh, I felt sorry for them and their having been created from you, so I stabilized them and sent them all their choice of Italy, France, Ireland, Scotland, and Spain."

"Wouldn't that cost you a lot of money?" Eddy asked.

"You would think so…" Grim half-way answered before taking another mouthful of popcorn.

"Shouldn't they have exploded?" Ed asked.

"Yeah, it turns out I was mistaken. It wasn't minutes, it was months," Grim answered. Grim then became shocked, "Oh my gosh! I forgot the original clones Ed had."

"I think they said they were going to Mexico, or was it Japan?"

Meanwhile in a laboratory in New Hampshire…

"And in twenty years, we'll have completed the Death Stab. Bwahahahahaha!" Eddy's clone concluded. #1 and Double D's clone laughed menacingly. "Wait is there a gas leak in here?"

BOOM! The laboratory blew up. The end.


	6. Recipe For Ed (Part One)

_ The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy _

Episode 6 "Recipe for Ed" Part One

Written by Reginald Konga

"Eddy, I insist that you do not go through with this scam," Double D begged. "My advanced bubblegum technology was not intended to be used for hot air balloon rides. There's no telling what unsafe predicament could arise from such an unprecedented notion."

"It's plenty safe, sockhead," Eddy reassured his friend, not understanding some of the words Double D used. "Ed!" he yelled, "you ready?!"

Ed gave the "bunny shadow puppets" hand gestures signaling "A-OK." He finished chewing and started blowing a bubble.

"You're an animal, Ed!" said Eddy.

"How are you going to keep Ed to the ground with all that air?" Double D asked.

"Simple," Eddy said. He went around the bubble, which was getting rather large, and said to him, "Hey, Ed, hold onto this weight over here, will ya?" He helped Ed grab hold of the 100 kilogram weight (I prefer the metric system, because I'm a jerk. Also, if Ed turned his head, the bubble would move and possibly be popped). By that point, the bubble was ready.

"All right, Ed," Eddy yelled, "that's enough!" No response. "Seriously, that's enough!" Eddy said again. Ed stopped that time. "All right." Eddy turned. "Grim, get that bubble out of his mouth, but be careful not to––"

"I know," Grim said miserably, "I read your instructions."

Grim took the bubble out of Ed's mouth, (using a very special underworld technique), and placed it over the burner. He then carefully placed the burner in the large basket, and painted it blue. When the paint dried (Ed had a good time watching it), the Eds were ready for business. Within a few minutes they had found their first customer.

"HEY, IS THAT A HOT AIR BALLOON?!" Jonny screamed.

"Why, yes, it is, Jonny," Eddy said suavely. Actually, "suave" means "soft" in Spanish. I wasn't going anywhere with this; I just felt like sharing. "It just so happens that you can hitch a ride for 25 cents." Eddy looked at Plank. "Each, that is."

"Right on!" Jonny exclaimed. He gave Eddy twenty-five cents, then Jonny realized Plank wasn't going to pay. "All right, Mr. _big spender_, I'll float you for this one, but you better pay me back soon."

Eddy looked at the two quarters with glee. "Turn up the heat, slave!"

"Oh," Grim said, "so we're back to _that_ subplot." He, of course, was referencing the idea that the author had Eddy refer to Grim as "slave" in chapter 2, only to immediately forget about it.

"Don't expect any sort of tour guiding from me. That costs extra!" Eddy explained.

Jonny looked over at all the things to see. Even though they were only five meters from the ground. (Yep, still sticking with the metric system. Whatcha gonna do about it?!)

"Hey, I want more gum," Ed whined.

"Then chew some, I'm busy," Eddy said.

Ed obeyed.

"Busy doing what exactly?" Double D asked.

"Thinking of who else to scam. We need THREE jawbreakers, not two, and… wait a minute." Eddy realized something bad was about to happen. "ED, NO!" However, it was too little too late.

Ed chomped onto the balloon, popping it. The five people onboard fell about 15 meters.

"If only I'd landed in China, like in the cartoons," Jonny said.

"Oh, my achin'––Ed!" Eddy yelled, "What's the big deal ruining my scam. What's wrong with––"

"Oh, Eddyyyyy!" said a far too familiar voice.

"No! That's impossible! I killed you!" Eddy screamed, for the voice belonged to Lee, one of the Kanker Sisters, who had just returned from … somewhere. It was like being haunted by something you'd forgotten about. "Okay, maybe not killed, but…" he stopped never finishing.

"Look who wants some smoochin'…" Lee said.

"No, **No, NO,_NO!_**" screamed Eddy. "We're not going through this again! What even makes you want to attack us anyway?!"

This shocked the Kanker Sisters, who didn't answer immediately. Marie and Lee looked at each other, while May looked at Marie. Then, Marie and Lee turned and looked at May.

"Gee," Marie started, "I guess … no one's ever asked us that before."

The Kanker sisters didn't answer immediately. They thought about it in silence for a good 30 seconds. The Eds just stood there waiting to see if they would get off the hook. Lee explained, "Well, I guess mostly it's our parents. Our dads all left us when we were very young, and we don't know how to cope with it. More importantly, Mom doesn't know how to cope with it. She works all the time, to the point we hardly ever see her, and she keeps having to move, because she gets coochy-coochy with the wrong guy, and then she gets involved with the wrong crowd and then, before we know it, we're moving three to five towns over. I don't even know what state we're in."

"I'm not sure why I do some of the things I do," Marie said, opening up about her problems for what may have been the first time. "I mean, I stole this; what am I gonna do with this?" Marie pulled out a lamp with a base shaped like a football helmet.

"I think one of the things that's been hardest on us is that we have such a hard time making friends, so mom finally just told us that the three of us have got each other and that's all the friendship we need. She didn't include herself in that. I've always felt distant from her," May said sadly.

"Yeah, and a lot of her boyfriends are mean to us. They called me cyclops, and they like to play catch with our ship-in-a-bottle, and one of them threw up in my face and didn't even apologize," Marie continued.

"No," Lee argued, "the worst part is that mom won't tell us anything about how any of us were born, like there's some sort of secret she's keeping from us. Sometimes I think Marie was the only one of us who's related to Mom, and that May and I were adopted or something. I mean, what could she possibly be hiding from us. I … I need closure… I need closure." By this point, Lee was starting to tear up.

"That's a sad story," Double D said.

"Yeah, I didn't want to make you girls cry," Eddy admitted, "I just wanted to … you know, not get attacked."

"I'm not crying," Lee said, "I've just got something in my eye." She turned the other way, "Come on, girls, let's go home."

Eddy turned around as well and started to pass by Double D. "Come on, Double D, let's go watch some wrestling."

"Eddy, we can't just let them cry––," Double D said.

"Well, I don't want them looking to me for comfort," Eddy said, worried that Lee might continue to be in love with him. "This way they won't attack us anymore."

"But Eddy," Double D stated, "if we don't give the Kankers some sort of treatment, they could start regressing."

Eddy recognized the word _regressing_ and he didn't like it. He cringed at the idea of losing an opportunity like this. "ERGGH," he grunted, "Fine! Hey, Kankers!"

"What is it, now?" May yelled.

"If you would like Double D to give you some therapy," Eddy said, "I suppose I could––"

The Kankers immediately grabbed onto Eddy, hugging him. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you," they said in unison. They were more than willing to go through with it, because of how nice it felt to let it all out.

That afternoon, Double D set up a therapist's office. There was a door, a chair for Double D, and a couch for the Kankers to rest on during the treatment. "So, Double D, when do we start fixing them?" Eddy asked.

"Actually, Eddy, I'll be the only therapist for them," Double D said.

"Then what do _I_ do?" Eddy asked.

"Just go see a movie with Ed or something while I'm working," Double D said.

"I don't have enough money," Eddy said.

"What about the money you made from your hot air balloon scam?" Double D asked.

"When have we ever gotten more than a dollar fifty from a scam?" Eddy asked rhetorically. Keep in mind they met Grim _before_ Season 2 started, so the squirt gun scam hasn't occured.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Double D asked.

"Movie tickets are _eleven_**_dollars_**!" Eddy said.

"Just go play in the junkyard…" Double D said.

"C'mon, Ed, we know when we're not wanted," Eddy said, walking off with his hands in his pockets.

"We're not wanted?" Ed honestly asked, following Eddy.


	7. Recipe For Ed (Part Two)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Six "Recipe For Ed" Part Two (Chapter Seven)

Written by Reginald Konga

Two days later, Double D was close to finding the trigger to all the Kanker Sisters' problems.

"One night," Lee said, tearing up a bit, "we all had this share dream. You know, one of the dreams we all have at the same time. We were all in bed, complaining about how hard it was to sleep with Mom's boyfriend and his friends making noise, when _he_ showed up."

"Who showed up?" Double D asked.

"The Boogey Man," May answered.

"He was pale blue, and he had a big nose––a fez hat, too," Marie continued.

"So what happened in the dream?" Double D asked.

May said, "He grew this red demon face. It was horrifying. It had bull horns and fangs and warts." May shuddered.

Lee continued, "Then he pretended to apologize and offered us soup, but he tossed it in our faces. It was extremely hot. Then he used a seltzer bottle, which was so strong, it knocked us against the wall."

"Finally, he picked us up and threw us back in the bed," Marie finished, "then he shushed us, and he grew that demon face again. Then we woke up screaming, and Mom came in. We thought it was real, because our faces were sunburned, but Mom's boyfriend's friend said it was just a _gazebo_ effect."

"You mean a placebo effect?"

"Maybe," Marie said.

"That was about two months before we started acting mean," Lee said.

"Hmm," Double D said, "That nightmare might explain something. You may have been suppressing some very strong..." Double D went on and on about all his notes. He concluded, "I'm afraid there's no quick way to fix this, unless, of course, you were to put the Boogey Man in his place." He was half-kidding, of course, but Eddy, having just returned from some form of makeshift golf, took the idea seriously.

"The Boogey Man's not real!" Eddy yelled, "How can _that_ be the only quick fix?! We need to do something to fix this _now_!"

"Come now, Eddy," Double D said, trying to reason with him "Therapy takes time, and …"

"How _much_ time?"

"Um, a couple of months…"

"COUPLE OF MONTHS!?" Eddy repeated, "We'll be back in school by then. You can't be serious about this taking months!'

Double D said, "Eddy, I'm afraid I'm doing that best I ca––"

Suddenly, Eddy formulated a plan. He put his hand over Double D's mouth. "Wait a second, I've got something to tell you in private." Eddy turned to the Kankers, "Ladies, you may go home for now. Get a good night's sleep for tomorrow."

"Do we really have to go?" Marie asked, "I thought we were doing well."

"It's 6:30. You were only supposed to stay in therapy until 5:15," Eddy said. "I mean, don't worry about it. We'll have all this behind us soon."

The Kankers left, and Eddy pulled Double D down to his height, and grabbed Ed. "All right, here's the plan. We're going to dress up like the Boogey Man, based on what they told you, and we're going to let them beat us. I suggest we get Grim to dress up. He needs to get into this story anyway."

"Eddy, I sincerely doubt this plan of yours will work…." Double D said.

"Trust me. It'll work out great. Even if they find out it's us, it's sure to snap them out of it. I saw on a TV show once."

"Was it a sitcom on a cartoon-oriented channel?" Double D asked.

"Well, yeah, but that doesn't matter. What matters is we're going to get what we deserve," Eddy finished.

That night, Ed, Eddy, Double D, and Grim carefully snuck into the Kankers' trailer.

"This is humiliating," Grim whispered to Eddy. He was wearing a paper mache––meshey––meché––muhshay––forget it! He was wearing a costume. That's the important part!

"Shh. We need the element of surprise. If they catch us, our plan is toast."

"Yum, is it buttered?" Ed said above the volume of a whisper.

Eddy and Double D covered Ed's mouth. "Are you _trying_ to get us caught? What part of what I said did you not understand?" Eddy asked.

"You know, Eddy," Ed said, with his mouth escaping through Double D and Eddy's fingers, "you're supposed to paraphrase what you just said, when you use the phrase––"

"Please, Ed, stop!" Double D begged.

"Why?" Ed said, being way too loud.

"You're seriously going to get us in trouble," Eddy said. A light came from inside the living room. "Too late," he said.

Instead of finding Ms. Kanker, they saw none other than … the Boogey Man.

"What are you _dorks_ doing?" he asked them in a rather loud tone.

"Oh, no…!" Grim said.

"Grim is that you? I haven't been able to bully you since High School?"

"Oh, no," Double D said, realizing they were about to meet a force more powerful than the Grim Reaper.

"Who are these chumps you're hanging out with?"

"OH, NO, I FORGOT TO WATER MY PET GARLIC!"

"Even in times of peril, you continue to amaze me with your stupid," Eddy scolded Ed.

"What's going on around here?" Lee said, as all three Kankers came through the door, to be shocked by what they saw.

"It's you…" Marie said.

"Ah, yes, I remember you. One of my favorite scares was done to you," Boogey said.

"Grim, who is this?" Eddy asked.

"You know him as the Boogey Man. He was the meanest bully in all of the Underworld."

"Oh, come now, Grim. I wasn't _that bad_ to you," said the Boogey Man.

[With mumbled voice that drags]: Flash back #1 "Steaks are High"

Wearing an absolutely hideous outfit, Grim was about to enjoy his meal in the Middle School cafeteria. "Wow, I can't believe we actually get something edible in the cafeteria," Grim said to his acquaintances at the table, "I mean, I would've preferred something that didn't come from the Overworld, but a steak is still pretty nice."

"Hey, Grim," said a teenaged Boogey, "Still talking to your imaginary friends?"

"You do realize they're real, right?" little Grim said.

"Are you delusional?"

"No, they're real," said a moth monster.

"Well, they are," said one of Boogey's near-friends. [Purple, what's a brief way to say "a friend who is often the butt of the other person's jokes."]

Boogey just looked angry for a moment, then shoved little Grim's steak into his eye socket.

"Ahh!" screamed Grim.

"Hey, look," said a purple monster, "Grim just got a steak shoved in his eye. Let's all laugh at his humiliation."

"Okay, first of all," said another monster, "Boogey doesn't understand the concept of slapstick. You should never do anything to the toes, fingernails, and eyes, because we know too well what it feels like to be in pain in those regions. Secondly, you don't have to point out what we would be laughing at. Third, it's like 1100 B.C. or something. Stop living in the past and get with the program."

"Killjoy," the purple monster said.

[With mumbled voice that drags]: Flash back #2 "Death and Space Taxes"

"Well, Grim," said another nerdy looking student of the middle school, "I'm very pleased that you've decided to consider joining our puppet club with an open mind."

"To tell you the truth," Grim said, "I've always been tempted to join, but I was always afraid of Boogey's wrath, but since his parents bumped him up to 9th grade with my staying in 8th, I think I'll have a good time––"

Suddenly, Boogey came out of nowhere and gave Grim an atomic wedgie. "Ahahaha," Boogey laughed.

"I thought you were in high school now," said the nerd from earlier.

"I failed Integrated Science, so my parents brought me back here," said Boogey.

He went back to cackling, but the nerd pointed out something, "but you were only gone for four days."

Boogey then grabbed the other kid and gave him an atomic wedgie as well.

"Say, how does this school year numbering system work if we're all thousands of years old?" one of the other kids in the club asked. "No, really, this isn't some set-up for my puppet to joke about. I'm serious."

[With mumbled voice that drags]: Flash back #3 "_Wedgie_, the movie was one of those gags on _The Simpsons_ that takes hours to write yet is only on screen for a matter of seconds."

Grim was watching an episode of _The Price is Politically Incorrect_ when Boogie de-activated a cloaking device he stole from one of the geeks. "Uh, can I help you?" Grim asked. Grim then received some very rough "noogies" and said, "Ow! Come on, I'm not even in school."

"You shouldn't have to be," Boogey said. "You're a sophomore."

"Shouldn't that be freshmen?" he asked.

"Well, there's seven years of High School. There's Juniors, which are year 6, and there's Freshmen, which are year 1, and…" He stopped and pounded Grim's head into the carpet.

[With mumbled voice that drags]: Present Day… maybe.

"Wow, Grim, and I thought we had problems with bullying," Double D said.

"Yeah, he sounds like a much bigger jerk than Kevin," Eddy said.

"Hey, I heard that," Kevin said, barging into the Kankers Sisters' home.

"What are you doing here, Kevin?" Eddy asked.

"I came here to––"

"Frozen Penguin," Ed said.

The camera cut to various stares from Eddy to Kevin to Double D to Grim to Kevin to Boogey to Kevin.

"I came here to make sure you weren't going to do anything stupid to the Kanker sisters."

Double D was confused, "But you were nowhere around when Eddy gave us the original plan, and we didn't leave until 9 o'clo––Kevin, were you spying on us?"

"No, I wasn't," Kevin argued.

"This a friend of yours, Grim?" Boogey asked.

"No, he isn't," Grim emphasized.

"Oh, well, if he's your friend, I guess I'll just be taking him. Seeya."

"Oh, my goodness," Double D said, "the Boogey Man has taken Kevin to parts unknown!"

"This calls for a celebration!" Eddy yelled.

"Eddy, this is no time to be––" Double D actually managed to finish his sentence with "cracking jokes," but Grim started talking over him. Sheesh, there's a lot of interrupting others in this story.

"I am so _sick_ of Boogey taking things away from me!" Grim exclaimed.

"You don't like that Kevin anyway. Why does it matter to you?" Eddy asked.

"Of course I don't like Kevin; it's the principle of the thing," Grim said. "Boogey has always been taking things away from me, whether they be physical or––BLARGH! I'm so mad, mon, I can't even think straight."

"Please tell me we're not going to be getting Kevin back," Eddy said.

"Excuse me," May said, "but is he gone yet." The Kankers had been cowering in the corner for quite some time.

"This is stupid!" Eddy said, "I'm going home."

"You can't just leave now," Double D said.

"It's like eleven o'clock," Eddy said.

"Actually, it's 10:30," Double D corrected him.

"My dad says I'm supposed to be in bed by 9:30," said Eddy, "Do you know how hard it is to sneak out and come home uncaught? Do you know what he'll do if he catches me?"

"Just be glad you have a father who cares about you," Marie said, realizing the Boogey Man was now long gone.

Realizing he had to convince the Kankers that the Boogey Man was not the terror he claims to be, Eddy had to agree to help Grim. "All right, fine, Grim. I'll help you do whatever to Boogey."

Grim summoned a purple vortex with his scythe. "Come on, we've got work to do, mon," Grim said before jumping into the vortex.

"I just know I'm going to regret this," Eddy said before jumping in as well.

"Hilarious one-liner!" Ed said running into the vortex as well.

"I suppose I had better go too," Double D said glumly. He casually walked into the portal, which closed after he walked through it.


	8. Recipe For Ed (Part Three)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Six "Recipe For Ed" Part Three (Chapter Eight)

Written by Reginald Konga

A blue sphere appeared, and out of it popped Grim, Eddy, Ed, and Double D. Why a sphere? Because I liked _Crash Bandicoot Warped_.

"Okay, Grim, so what's the plan?" Eddy whispered.

"Simple, we're going to pour Z9 steak sauce into Boogey's milk," he explained.

"That's it," Eddy said angrily, "Your big plan is to prank Boogey with steak sauce? At least use hot sauce or that 'Dog Steak Sauce' from that other continuity or something." For those of you who don't know, Billy was once under the impression that he using shampoo and later steak sauce when it was actually dog––

"I hadn't thought of that," Grim said to himself. Hey, uhh, I wasn't finished with my… never mind. "Do you have any?" Grim asked.

"What am I? The… The… it's too late at night for a clever comeback," Eddy responded.

"Here you go, Grim?" Ed handed Grim some "Seriously You Don't Want to Know How Hot This Is"-brand hot sauce.

"Thank you, Ed," Grim then poured the hot sauce into the milk cartoon, just enough to let Boogey know he meant business.

"Grim, someone's coming," Double D whispered.

"Quick, hide," Grim said.

They exited the kitchen and hid in darkest spot behind a wall. (There was no door to the kitchen. You see, when building a house––uhh, never mind.)

"Say, Ed," Double D said to his chum, realizing something, "where did you get that hot sauce?"

"Yeah, what kind of freak carries around hot sauce everywhere," Eddy said.

"I don't carry it around. I got it from my kitchen cabinet."

"Your kitchen cabinet? But…" Grim looked around the wall to see Sarah taking a drink of the milk. Grim grabbed his backpack and headed for the door. "Abort mission. Abort miss––Wait a minute. I don't have a backpack." Suddenly, snakes came out of the backpack and immediately latched on to Grim's face. "AAAAHH!"

"Ahahahaha," Boogey laughed. He had taken on the form of an umbrella to avoid detection. "You're _so_ predictable, Grim!"

"Hey," Sarah yelled, "What's going on around here?!"

"Shouldn't your mouth be on fire from the hot sauce?" Double D asked.

"Hot sauce? I wondered why it tasted so good," Sarah said.

"I still don't know who the hot sauce was placed in the house for, but… whatever," Eddy said.

"Why aren't any of you children scared of me?" Boogey asked. "I blame fanfiction and modern pop music and **_penguins_**!" He pronounced "penguins" the way some 1970's Saturday Morning Cartoon Villains might pronounce their archenemy's names.

"What an odd thing to say…" Double D stated.

"You know what? You can have Kevin back. He's no fun to torture. He's scared of needles for crying out loud," Boogey said as he summoned a portal of his own.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! KEVIN'S SCARED OF NEEDLES!? AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, man, that's rich."

"Oh, and I stole fifty cents from your pocket during the flashback scene…" Boogey said popping his head out of the vortex, which reappeared just for that.

"WHAT?! This is an outrage," said Eddy, "Come with me, Double D; we're going to beat that Boogey once and for all."

Later...

"How do we know Boogey's going to reappear in the Cul-de-Sac, Eddy?" Double D asked.

"Shut up, sockhead! It's a great plan," Eddy said while opening Grim's trunk. Now let's see here." He picked up a combination of a modern day electric lamp and the one from the tale of Aladdin. "What's this? A lamp. Borrring!" He tossed it over his left shoulder and it broke releasing a stock-footage scream. You might find that scream when you defeat a technician in the Sewer levels of _Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back_, but enough about that. Eddy found what he was looking for. "Bingo. Fear-embodiments. Grim said these things turn into a person's greatest fear when you release it upon them. Hmm, there's five here. We'll only need one, but I better take them all just in case."

"Hmm, that sounds a little dangerous," Double D said.

"Eh, you don't know what you're talking about. C'mon let's go."

Later still…

"BOOGEY MAN! WE'VE GOT A CHALLENGE FOR YA! DEFEAT US OR DIE!" Eddy continued to yell.

"Eddy, give it up, you've been screaming for twenty minutes now," said a sleepy Double D. "Can't this wait until morning."

"No, we're not stopping until I get my money back."

Nazz came out of her house in her pajamas and said, "Hey, guys, could you keep it down? I'm trying to sleep."

"My apologies, Nazz," Double D said, as Nazz walked closer to him, "Eddy is upset, because the Boogey Man stole the money he made from the scam he held a few days ago."

"Oh, of course," Nazz said. She was losing her temper without her beauty sleep.

"You know, we really did meet the Boogey Man," Double D said.

"Oh, I know, that's why I'm upset. Would you care to tell me how he knows the Boogey Man would come back tonight, if he scares kids worldwide?" Nazz asked.

"I don't get it either…" Double D hung his head in shame.

"Of course," Nazz said.

"HEY, BOOGEY MAN, MY THROAT'S GETTING SORE! COME ON OUT ALREADY!" Eddy yelled.

"Hey, you dorks better keep it down! I'm repressing some memories here!" Kevin then took another sip of spoiled milk (I don't get his reasoning either).

"We're not going until…"

"Aha!" The Boogey Man interrupted Eddy, having teleported behind him. Oh, Kevin did a spit take. I guess that's kind of important to the story. Nah, I still don't see a reason to keep that twerp in this story.

"You're dead––Hey!" Eddy has the fear-embodiments yanked out of his hands. He then realized the horrible thing that was able to happen, so he started stepping backwards.

"Heheheheh!" Boogey chuckled. He then undid the cork on one of the bottles and released a fear-embodiment upon Eddy.

"AAH!" Eddy yelled. He then turned and ran away.

Boogey then released four others, from his left to his right. "Go" Boogey spoke, "and become the things nightmares are made of." The one on his far right went after Double D. The one on his center left went after Nazz. The one on his far left went after Kevin, the one in the center right went after Ed, and the remaining ghost reluctantly went after Eddy.

"Hey," Eddy said, realizing he was in the boss's chair with piles of gold coins, $100 bills, and gems around him. "This isn't so bad. That spirit or whatever must've been confused. This is a dream, not a nightmare."

"Hey, boss," said a generic factory worker, "it's payday."

"What?" Eddy asked, in disbelief.

"You gotta pay all 2,000,000 of us." Eddy then realized there was a huge line of workers in front of him.

"NO!"

"Don't forget to pay all your taxes," said an IRS agent. Eddy was too young to know the names of those forms, so his nightmare didn't know either.

"Oh my!" Double D said, as he saw his greatest fear before his eyes. It wasn't an enormous dust bunny, but himself in the future. Future Double D was covered in all kinds of filth and smelled of a substance too foul to mention by name. Future Edd smoked a cigarette and said, "Hey, you got change for a six dollar bill. I gave all my one dollar bills to the guy who made them, and no one will accept them."

"Oh, no, it can't be!" Double D yelled in agony.

Nazz looked as a giant jellyfish slowly marched towards her. "I knew you dudes existed in the ocean, but I didn't know you lived on land, too," she said backing up.

"Please, no," Ed said in horror, "you can't be here for me. You just can't." Ed's greatest fear stood before him. It looked at Ed, and Ed looked at it. Ed covered his face with his arm to brace for impact, but looked back at the menace he saw. Ed was so afraid, the initial shock still hadn't worn off, and he screamed again, as if he had seen it for the first time. Ed's greatest fear was none other than the man who cancelled the production of _Cyclops Underground III: The Patricide_. Ed didn't know his name, and neither do I. Ed started crying uncontrollably at the sight of this man.

Ed looked over at Kevin, who was facing his fear of Needles. The giant, floating booster shot stuck itself into Kevin's arm and forced the blue vaccine into Kevin. Kevin's right side popped with light blue juice going everywhere, but Kevin hadn't died. He'd merely been convinced he was dead. The fear-embodiments were only illusions, visible only to those experiencing the torture of a fear embodiment.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Boogey said, "All the terror that comes from… Okay, I'm not very good at threateningly poetic speeches, but you get the picture."

Meanwhile, the Kanker sisters were hiding around the corner, watching their peers being tortured by the fear-embodiments. Then, something happened.

"Then, when you go to the store to purchase you gold neck chain, you'll have to pay a 40,000% sales tax on it, and don't forget to file your tax returns come April 15, and…"

"That's enough!" Eddy yelled. "If you want all my money, take it. Just take it and get out of here!"

"Um, excuse me, sir, but we haven't demanded all of your money ye––"

"Forget it! Here just take everything in my bank account!" Eddy handed him a check for "My Net Worth." He was rather serious. "You want my house, too? My car? My wallet? Just take it all. I don't care." Eddy then threw himself down on the floor and started crying. The fear-embodiment just burst into a cloud of smoke and disappeared forever.

"What the––? Oh, well, it's no matter," Boogey said, "the other three won't be able to conquer their fears. They just won't."

"Hey," Marie said, "I think Eddy just conquered his fear."

"Really? Little Eddy?" Lee asked.

"Yeah, looks that way to me," May said.

"If Eddy can conquer his fear, we can conquer ours!" Lee said.

"We know what we must do," Marie said.

Marie, May, and Lee joined hands. The started spinning around forming a small, solid yellow tornado. The Earth began to crack underneath the tornado, which caught Boogey's attention. "Huh?!" Fire starting shooting out of the tornado. "What is going on?" Boogey said, starting to become a bit nervous. A few pieces of ice started to form on the ground from the tornado and it caught Boogey's feet. "I've heard of cold feet, but this is… this is… this is––" The tornado starting throwing out lightning and the tornado turned pink. The ice around Boogey's feet finally broke, and he started running, only to be sucked up by the tornado. Within that tornado, Boogey experienced pain he had never experienced before. What was really three minutes seemed to last eight years.

Boogey fell to the ground as the tornado finally stopped. "You girls are too much for me," Boogey said while walking with his head down. He snapped his fingers and the fear-embodiments vanished. Kevin seemed surprised to see he was alive. "I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble. I'm leaving now. Good-bye." Boogey summoned a portal and walked through it. The Eds knew they wouldn't see Boogey for a long, long time.

"What happened?" Grim asked.

"Yeah, why'd he stop being… well, a jerk," Kevin asked.

"We've conquered our fears," Marie said.

"Thank you so much for everything you've done to help us," May said.

"We're truly sorry for all the trouble we've caused you," Lee said. "We promise we won't attack you like that ever again. Farewell for now." With that, the Kankers left the Eds alone.

"I can't believe no one else in the cul-de-sac saw all of that…" Eddy said.

"Saw all of what?" Grim asked.

"Yes, Eddy, what did you see?" Double D asked.

"All I saw was a giant jellyfish," Nazz said.

"I'm done!" Eddy exclaimed. "Have a cruddy weekend! Hope your car breaks down miles from home in the middle of a blisteringly hot day."

"What's his problem?" Nazz asked.

"Maybe he needs therapy," Grim suggested.

**THE END.**


	9. Something Ed This Way Comes (Part One)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Seven "Something Ed This Way Comes" (Part One) [Chapter 9]

Written by Reginald Konga

Ed was finally finished packing for his picnic, when Grim walked into the room to see why the room smelled like a homeless fish. "Oh, my goodness!" Grim complained, "What is all this stuff on the walls?! Is that barf?! My goodness, you got it on the ceiling, too!"

Ed said, "I was making lunch."

"What could possibly require this much of a mess?" Grim asked.

Ed's brain stopped again, as if his brain was a computer manufactured in the 1990's that was turned off by the greatest computer virus in the world. He paused for a moment, then spoke, "Huh?"

"The food! What were you making for lunch?!" Grim clarified.

"Oh, everything was store-bought. I was making trail mix," Ed said. Grim stuttered with his mouth wide open, as if someone had just kicked him in the kidneys, not that the Grim Reaper had any kidneys. "You all right, Grim?" Ed asked.

Grim composed himself. "Ed, why don't you just go to a fast food restaurant?"

"That's not very picnic-y…" Ed said.

"Ed! Surely you're not going on a picnic. You remember what happened last time." They looked at the camera, as the screen got all wavy.

[Flashback]

Eddy, Ed, Double D, Nazz, Grim, and Sarah were sitting in a grassy field. "Could you pass the potato salad?" Ed said.

A white gorilla with a bulky, robotic right arm then jumped out of nowhere and yelled, "Raggle Fraggle!"

"Heeeelp meeee!" Grim, Eddy, and Sarah just went back to eating, while Nazz and Double D just stood there with their mouths open.

[Flashback Ends]

Sarah walked into the room to yell at Ed. "Ed!" she yelled, "Mom says you gotta clean the––" She stopped to see what had happened to the kitchen. "**ED!**"

"Sarah, he might listen to you," Grim said.

"About what?" Sarah asked.

"He wants to have a picnic," Grim said.

"Ed, you remember what happened last time, don't you?" Sarah asked. They looked at the camera, as the screen got all wavy.

[Please refer to earlier flashback. Thank you.]

"Ed!" Eddy exclaimed, "What did you do to my kitchen!"

"He's trying to prepare for a picnic," Grim explained.

"That's ridiculous!" Eddy responded. He looked at Ed. "You remember what happened last time." They looked at the camera, as the screen got all wavy.

[Refer to earlier flashback, thank you very much]

"Ed," Double D asked, "What in heaven's name is going on in here?"

"We're trying to convince Ed not to go on a picnic," said Sarah.

"Ed, you do remember what happened last time, don't you?" Double D asked Ed.

[Didn't I tell you to refer to the earlier flashback?]

"Hey, Eddy," Nazz said, barging into Eddy's house, "I was baking my grandmother a cake, and, I know this sounds cliché, but can I borrow a cup of sugar?" Nazz stopped, realizing the stupidity that had occurred in Eddy's kitchen. "What's going on in here?'

"Ed wants to go on a picnic," Double D answered.

Nazz gasped. "Do you not remember what happened last time?" They looked at the camera, as the screen got all wavy.

[Why are you not referring to the previous flashback, you pieces of c––]

Then, a man walked in. He was Eddy's father, and his name was Teddy, because the author said so. He had a very solid, brown colored case of five-o'clock shadow, five hairs instead of three, a sea green shirt with pineapples on it, and brown pants. He was wearing a gold wrist-watch, which seemed to be one of the only expensive things on his person, which didn't mean he was poor but instead suggested that he hates spending money even more than Eddy. "What's happened to my kitchen?" he asked.

"Oh, my gosh!" Ed yelled, "A thirteenth human with a face on the show! It's like when you think you're all out of your favorite snack, only to find a whole 'nother bag."

"That doesn't answer my question," Teddy said. Teddy had met Grim before, but it wasn't a very interesting first encounter. In fact, it's not even worth mentioning. You could just assume Teddy _was_seeing Grim for the first time, and he just wasn't impressed.

"Ed wants to have a picnic," Grim said.

"After last time? You guys remember that, right?" Teddy said. They all looked at the camera, as the screen got all wavy.

[Flashback alt.]

Behind the bushes, Teddy and his friends are laughing about the prank they're about to pull. As they hear the words, "Could you pass the potato salad?", one of Teddy's friends, who was wearing a robotic yeti halloween costume, jumps out of the bushes. "Heeeelp meeee!"

[Alternative flashback ends]

"That sounds like a fine idea," Teddy said.

"Woohoo!" Ed yelled.

Eddy knew he needed Ed alive for future scams, so he offered his buddy an alternative. "Ed, if you forget the picnic, I'll take you to Whitney's to get you some chicken tenders."

"I'm there!" Ed yelled.

"Chicken Tenders?!" Grim said, confused. Ed loved chickens, so Grim couldn't figure out why Ed would eat them.

"He's convinced that white meat grows on trees, and I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise," Double D whispered.

"I'm out of this chapter…" Sarah complained, while walking off screen.

"Dad, can we have some money to go to Whitney's?" Eddy asked.

"Okay, but only because the government says I have to," Teddy said. It wasn't that he hated his son. It was just that he didn't like losing his tough exterior in front of people. He was a bit strict with Eddy sometimes, but he did love his son, and Eddy _was_ aware of this. They just didn't like to show it.

Eddy gladly took the twenty dollars and said, "Well, come on, guys, let's go." Grim, Ed, Eddy, and Double D all left the room together.

"I still need to borrow a cupful of sugar," Nazz said, after the boys left.

"Go home," said Teddy.

Thus, the Eds and Grim made their way to Whitney's. Whitney's is most popular restaurant in the state the Eds live in and, possibly, the world. In addition to fast food, Whitney's serves ice cream, pizza, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and even steaks. Although, steaks and, to a lesser extent, macaroni and cheese cannot be cooked quickly, so the customer must wait on them.

Double D looked at the sign below the logo, which read "TACOS COMING SOON." Double D commented, "You'd think they would have the tacos by now, Eddy; I mean, they have three different types of chicken, which all taste differently."

"Eh, it's not important," said Eddy.

They walked into the store and were greeted by the teenaged Scott. In case you forgot, Scott made an appearance on a Cartoon Network short film entitled "Toon Dates." You can look this up for yourself. Scott gave out the normal greeting in a regular cheery manner, "Good day, my name is Scott. How may I help you?" I know he was a bit glum in the short, but this is an alternate universe story, anyway.

"I'll have the usual," Eddy said.

"All right," Scott said. "That's a five piece chicken tender combo for Double D, a ten piece chicken nugget combo for Eddy, and a six piece chicken strip box for Ed, and two cups of Gravy. Would you like sausage in your gravy?"

"Not today, thank you. I already had beans for breakfast," Ed answered.

"All right, that'll be $18.02"

It was rather painful for Eddy, but he handed over the twenty-dollar bill his father had given him. He knew his dad counted the change when he got back, and that if it was different than what it normally is, his punishment would not be worth jawbreakers. It was for this reason that Eddy really hated paying the sales tax, as it made it impossible to leave something off the order and spend the saved money on jawbreakers. It would always be such an odd number that he would never be able to…

"Sheesh, narrator, you're putting everyone to sleep!" Eddy yelled. Fine, we'll move ahead.

"I can't believe you won't even let me get a soda," Grim said at the table.

"Quit complaining. You should be glad we even took you," Eddy stated.

"I wouldn't have wanted to go if I knew you wouldn't give me anything to eat," Grim continued to complain.

"You know, Ed, there is a way to open the box without ripping it apart. There are little flaps on the side, and––" Double D said, trying to educate his friend. Ed then ripped open the box with his teeth and started eating the chicken strips. "Never mind," Double D said.

"Hey, wait a minute. Where are the fries?!" Eddy yelled. "I paid good money for those fries! Where are they?!"

"Eddy, you don't even eat the fries half the time," Double D stated.

"I know that," Eddy said. "It's the principle of the thing." He turned to face Ed. "Go get me the fries I ordered, lumpy!"

"Aye aye, Cap'n," Ed said. Ed left the table, went to the right of the counter where people normally order, headed past the restrooms and opened the door that said, "EMPLOYEES ONLY! "

Ed looked at the many conveyor belts around him. There were many high, and just as many on ground level. The smell of chicken was so strong, you could practically taste it. Ed was in awe of what he saw. "Cool!" Ed said.

"Who goes there?" said a dwarf with a light-gray beard. Ed stuttered a bit, and the muscular dwarf said, "Speak up. I'm blind here."

"Really?" Ed said.

"No, not really. I just can't experience any touch, because of something with my nerves, or––I don't know." He then seemed to be trying to figure something out. "If the pickle died and the puppy…" He stopped. "You know, have I ever told you the time my hand was on the kitchen stove for three years, and I didn't know it."

"That's nothing," Ed answered. "One time, my friends and I made this giant cherry, and then we got in this competition with this giant peach."

"Don't try to control me with your eflven, err… elven tricks. I know what you're after. My Kepsi cola, and I do apologize. I understand you really want Mopa-Cola, but that's all I have."

Ed's brain stopped again. "Who?" he said with a smile.

"That does it!" the dwarf said. He pulled out a spear and guided Ed to a door. "Read it!"

Ed somehow managed to read the door, which nothing but squiggly marks written on it. "Ms. Dulin with a hammer in the kitchen––"

"Who said you could read our S-IIII-IGN!?" the dwarf screamed.

"Well, uhh…" Ed stammered. It took a while, but the sense of danger had penetrated his thick head.

"Don't stop, you crook! Just keep on trucking through door that isn't really there!" said the dwarf.

Ed kept reading, "For a good time, call…"

The dwarf said in a calm voice, "Don't bother with that, she wasn't very … pretty."

"Okay, but…"

"YOU DARE DISAGREE, DOUBLE D!" the dwarf screamed.

"I thought Double D was my..."

"I was IN THE FIRST GAAAAAME!"

"You were?" Ed asked.

"My name is Mice Rula, for your information, and that's 'Mike' with a 'c'."

Ed's brain stopped again. "When?"

"Let's go Tuhnny," said the dwarf, using the spear to lead Ed once again. "Behold," the dwarf said in a rather large broom closet, "the parlor of pain, and that guy in the corner is our king." The dwarf with the light-gray beard went up to the dwarf king with the medium-grey beard and continued, "And this is the king's friendship bracelet given to him by Sasha who has a crush on him but also enjoys––"

"FLOOGARN, I THOUGHT I STRAPPED YOU TO THE BED!" The Dwarf King looked at Ed, "and why have you brought a human into our sacred cave."

"I caught this elf––"

"That's a human!" said the dwarf king.

"Oh," the lower-ranked dwarf said. He paused, then he said, "That's an important piece of information!"

"GET OUT OF HERE!" yelled the king.

"Yes, ma'am," said the dwarf with the light-gray beard. He left Ed alone with the King.

"So, do you like to play Mattio Party 2?"

"No, I don't," the king said angrily.

Ed paused with his eyes unfocused. "So do you like to play Mattio Party 8?"

"What th––?! I just answered that!"

"No, the first time I said Mattio Party 2…"

"No, I don't play Mattio Party 2 or 8!"

"That's okay. I don't play those games either," said Ed.

The King left his palm over his face for a moment. Then, he took Ed by the arm and led him back to the conveyor belts. "This is how we make Chicken strips, and here's how we make the chicken nuggets, and here's how we make the chicken tenders. Here have some." He handed Ed a small piece of chicken.

Ed said, "It tastes like Chicken."

"OF COURSE IT TASTES LIKE CHICKEN! IT _IS_ CHICKEN!" the dwarf king exclaimed. He face-palmed briefly and said, "It's all because of those rotten elves. Curse them! Curse them all!"

"Why do you hate elves so much, dwarf king?"

"Do you really want me to share my pain with you?" asked the dwarf king.

"Kind of," Ed replied.

"Very well. It was 375 years ago, soon after the war for the western world's something, you know… Anyway, so the [inaudible] was won by the druids and the dwarves. Each species sent a group of representatives to discuss who was in charge of what."

[Flashback]

"All right," said the moderator, "I just want to make sure we're all totally on the same page here. The humans will get the hamburger market, because hamburgers are disgusting, and nobody besides the humans like them, the druids will get the lentils and soy, the half-lings are in charge of mushrooms, the elves will make the cookies, and the dwarves will be in charge of all things chicken."

"If I may interject," said the blonde-haired leader of the elves, who was wearing green.

"The floor recognizes," said the moderator. He then sighed about the stupidity that would come out of his mouth, and finished, "daddy elf."

"It seems like the photo was taken, but the flash didn't go off…" said daddy elf.

"What does that mean?" asked the king of the dwarves.

"Well––hmm. I don't know, actually, but anyway, wouldn't you rather take care of the cookies? After all, they're guaranteed to go up 300,000% in the next four centuries."

"Well, when you put it like that, it does sound like I've made a horrible mistake," said the kind of the dwarves.

"How would you like to trade? We want mushrooms, and if I'm not mistaken, the halflings would really like to take care of chicken."

"Is this true, halflings?" the king asked the halflings.

"Well, yeah, we would prefer not working with chicken," said one of the halflings.

"Then it's settled, we'll take the mushrooms, the dwarves will bake the cookies, and the halflings will take care of chicken."

"Hold on a second," said a certain somebody.

One of the druids asked, "Did some invisible child just step into the flashback?"

"Who are you and what do you want with us?" asked the other druid.

"I'm Ed's imaginary friend Jib. Eddy sent me away on a bus, after my good name was ruined by my evil twin, who is also Ed's imaginary friend."

"I like potatoes, cuz they have eyes," Ed said.

Jib continued, "If the elves agreed to give you the cookie industry, why are you still manufacturing chicken?"

"No, they knew the cookie business would be a billion-dollar growth industry," said the dwarf king.

Jib repeated himself, "But you still got the cookie industry given to you freely by the elves. Why are you making chicken nuggets?"

"Well, uh, wait, what?"

"Yeah," said the moderator, "They just agreed to let you have the cookie industry."

"Well, he––duh––errrrgh, they did say that! THIS FLASHBACK IS [end flashback] OVER!" yelled the dwarf king.

"Ed, do you know of anyone who can help us get our cookie industry back."

"There is one…" Ed said, being dramatic.

Double D, still at Whitney's said, "…and that's why we don't eat hamburgers." Just then, Ed and the dwarf king walked up to the table.

"ED! Where have you been?! Where the fribble are my fries?!" Eddy yelled. He was under the impression that "fribble" meant something vulgar in another language, meaning he could use a curse word without getting caught.

"Well, you see," Ed started to explain.

Ed spent the next twenty minutes trying to explain something that could easily be explained in a minute and a half.

"Well, Ed, I suppose I could help…" said Double D.

"Well, I'm afraid we'll have to take this to court, Underworld court…." Grim said, being all dramatic.


	10. Something Ed This Way Comes (Part Two)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Seven "Something Ed This Way Comes" (Part Two) [Chapter 10]

By thebestkindofstupid (AKA Edd Shwartz)

"All rise for the honorable Judge Spleen," said a humanoid fly. The courtroom was filled with all sorts of monsters. Some had multiple eyes; some had no eyes. Some were purple; others were silver. One was even made of pickles, but he was quickly eaten by a large slug like creature.

"Order, order," the judge declared while banging his gavel. He was green with a wig typical of a judge. He spoke in a very serious and low-pitched voice.

"Lather, Rinse, Repeat," said Fred, a green elephant voiced by C.H. Greenblatt.

"What?" the judged asked angrily.

"You asked for the proper order, Judge," said Fred.

"Wouldn't it be rinse, lather, repeat?" asked Ed, "I mean, who the heck lathers before they get their hair wet."

"Well, it was implied," Double D said.

"Order in the court!" yelled Judge Spleen.

"I'd like to call a surprise witness," Daddy Elf announced.

Judge Spleen started screaming, "What the frappe is wrong all of you?! We've just started, and I already have no confidence that in this going to go well!"

"Judge," Fred said, "I left my nachos in the Homer-built car. May I go get it real quick?"

"No, you may not, you'll have to wait until a recess is called…" said the judge.

"Ooh, ooh, when's recess?! I wanna play!" Ed called.

"I remember when they started broadcasting _Recess_," said Eddy, "I always **HATED** it!"

"Can we please get this case back on track?" asked the judge.

"Excuse me," said Grim.

"What is it now?!" said Judge Spleen.

"Remind me again why I'm up in this cage…" said Grim. He was in a yellow cage suspended by a chain.

"Why _is_the grim reaper up in that cage?!" asked Judge Spleen.

"We've done things we're not proud of," Eddy said, sadly.

"You know what? Let's just start over," said Judge Spleen. "Is that okay with everyone? All right, then. Marty, do your thing where you tell people to rise. Marty?! Where is Marty?!"

"He left to pick up his dry cleaning," answered somebody in the courtroom with a nasally voice.

"Just what am I supposed to do without a bailiff?" the Judge asked rhetorically.

"What's a _bailiff_?" asked Ed.

"I think he approves of somebody's bail?" Eddy answered.

"What's bail?"

"Bail is the money you pay to get out of jail, but it's not allowed for people who commit heinous crimes like murder," Eddy answered.

"Actually, it's the money you pay to receive a trial, and––" Double D was interrupted by the judge.

"I can't believe a lawyer doesn't know that bail gets you out of jail," said the judge. "What in the underworld could have caused you to believe you had to pay the court money for a trial? Bribes are illegal, you know."

"Perhaps the, uhh, jargon is different in the underworld," Double D suggested nervously.

"No, you're just stupid. Now then, would someone please tell me what this lawsuit is about?"

The dwarf king answered, "the elves said we could take care of the cookie industry if they could have the mushroom industry, while the half-lings took the chicken industry, but guess what: We got stuck with the chicken industry, and we want to know why."

"Judge," Fred said.

"What do you want?!"

"World peace," Fred answered.

The judge rested his head on his fist for a moment, then he said, "_No_, I **meant**, 'what do you want to tell or ask me?'"

"Could you bring about world peace, because that would be nice," Fred said.

"No, I can't do that," said the judge.

"Why not? What did the world do to you?"

"I am not capable of bringing about world peace," the judge said through clenched teeth.

"Couldn't you be cabaple if you tried?" Fred asked.

The judge whispered to the person next to him, "Hey, uhh, is it legal for me to sentence him to death?"

"No."

"Drat," the judge whispered.

"Can we get back to the trial, please?" Double D asked.

"Very well, Mr., uhh, Eddward, please do," the judge said.

"Um, do what? Shall I call upon someone for questioning?" asked Double D.

"Don't you know how a court case is played out?!" asked the judge.

"Well, how _could_ I know? Here in the underworld, bail is more for you to get out of jail. What other things have changed."

"All right, fine, go ahead and call someone to the stand," the judge said.

"Is that the only option?" Double D asked, trying to form a strategy.

"I don't remember. I think that green elephants comments are doing permanent damage to my brain," said the judge.

"I can spell my name real good," said Fred, "Eff ar ee dee eff ar ee dee bee yoo arr geeee … ee … arr. Fred Fredburger; yes!"

"Man, you can spell your name real good," Ed said.

"Oh, I know," said Fred.

"Don't encourage him," the judge said, while messaging his temples.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the court, I need to bring but one person to the stand to prove my client the one telling the truth. I call to the stand––" Double D then got zapped by a ray gun, put on stun.

"I, uhh, was just seeing if it worked," said a jury-member wearing a storm-trooper outfit and holding a blue ray gun.

"Well, this is just fantastic," the judge said sarcastically. "The only other person in this courtroom with the basic knowledge of how to _behave_ in court is frozen until who knows when. Now how are we going to get this court case behind us?"

"I'll take the case," said Ed.

"Very well, I'm sure no one else is more qualified," said the judge.

Eddy tried to stop Ed from ruining everything. "I think I could…"

"Don't test my patience, or I'll have you thrown in jail for contempt in court," Judge Spleen said.

"There goes my cut of the cookie profits," Eddy whispered to himself.

"This can't be happening," Grim said, as he slowly placed his hand over his face.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the court," Ed began.

"There are _women_ in my courtroom?! Where?!" asked Judge Spleen.

Ed continued, "I would like to call to the stand Kevin Heffley."

"Uhh," said one of the jury members, "I think we'll have to wait until the bailiff comes back. He had the ray gun to summon people to the stands."

"Hold on a second," said the monster in the storm trooper outfit. "I think I may be able to. Give me a minute." He typed some information into his gun, and summoned Kevin to the stands.

"Someone put him under oath," the Judge commanded.

"I'm back from the dry-cleaners. What'd I miss?" asked Marty the fly.

"What possessed you to leave my courtroom?!" asked the judge, "What makes you think you can do that and get away with it?!"

"I have a picture of you at the Christmas party," said the fly.

"R… really?" asked Judge Spleen.

"Yeah," said Marty.

"Well, okay then," said the judge, "please put him under oath."

"You're darn right I'm gonna put him under oath," said the fly in a rather aggressive manner. "Mr. Heffley, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" asked the fly.

"Yes, I do," said Kevin.

"Now, Mr. Heffley, where were you on October 21st?" asked Ed.

"How should I remember that, idiot?!" Kevin said.

"Aha! He's guilty! Lock him up!" Eddy yelled.

"What?!" Kevin bellowed as security guards carried him away. "This isn't the last you'll hear of Kevin Heffley!"

"This is fun," Eddy said, "Let's call up Sarah next."

"Order in the––" Judge Spleen called, only to realize he didn't have his gavel.

Fred Fredburger was using his gavel as a hammer to nail a picture of Abraham Simpsons posing with Marylyn Monroe. As he was doing this, he sang, "Fred Fredburger, Fred Fredburger." He looked back at the judge. "Almost done." He continued, "Fred Fredburger, Fred Fredburger." He turned back around, and gave it back to the judge. "Here you go." The judge then hit him on the head with it, and went back to his seat.

"All right, let's end this chapter quickly before the author has a chance to get a montage of witnesses or a musical number," said the judge.

"Your honor, these accusations are ridiculous. They have no proof we agreed to give them the chicken industry."

"What about that treaty signed 375 years ago?" asked Ed.

"Well, no, that didn't exist; I mean, it doesn't exist. I mean…"

"Let me see a copy of that," said the judge.

"Why didn't they just do that in the first place," said Grim.

The dwarf king handed him a copy that he had apparently been carrying with him for over 3 centuries. The judge then said, "Well, thank goodness we're almost done. I can't take another minute with that idiot."

Fred then started singing "Particle Man" by They Might Be Giants, but the lyrics was incorrect and gibberish.

The judge then shuddered and said, "All right, I hereby sentence…"

"Uhh, judge?" asked Marty.

"What?! What could you possibly want?!"

"The jury has to reach a verdict before you can sentence them to––"

"Fine! Who amongst you thinks the cookie business should belong to the elves? Nobody, good! How many of you think the dwarves deserves the cookie industry?" Nobody raised their hand. "D'AARGH! Nobody voted! UGH!" Judge Spleen then started banging his head on the podium––whatever you'd call it––in front of him.

Grim remarked, "This is why I don't vote."

When he was done, he said, "That does it! For allowing the pop charts to become so polluted, I sentence all elves to serve twelve hundred hours of community service, and the dwarves get the chicken and cookie industries. Court dismissed."

"Well," Eddy pointed out, "according to this contract, you owe me 10% of all net profits from the cookie industries."

"Actually, you need a witness you prove the contract was actually signed by both parties, so technically, we don't," said the dwarf king before walking off.

Eddy exclaimed, "Fribble!"

Fred went up to Ed and said, "Hey, uhh, my house burned down from being so close to lava. Can I stay with you for a couple of years?"

Ed was ecstatic. "We can be like brothers and share the same bathroom."

"Yes," said Fred one last time.

"Ooh," Double D said, recovering from the blast. "What happened?"

"We got ripped off. That's what happened," Eddy said, angrily.

"Did the dwarves lose?" asked Double D.

"No, they won, but we won't receive anything," said Eddy.

"Maybe you could take a little comfort in knowing you did good by righting a wrong."

"Yeah, right." Eddy said sarcastically.

"Can someone get me down from here?" asked Grim.

The End… for now.


	11. Tastes Like Ed (Part One)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Eight "Tastes Like Ed" (Part One) [Chapter 11]

Written by Reginald Konga

"Hey, Grim!" Ed said to his slave the Grim Reaper.

"What?" Grim said, annoyed. Grim was trying to read _The Montana Times_, when Ed walked into his kitchen.

"You know what would be fun right now?" Ed said.

"I give," Grim answered, not truly interested in what Ed would say.

"A go-kart competition. Make me a go-kart with a plastic bin for a cockpit, a refrigerator for a base, and teeny-weeny wheels."

"Maybe later," Grim said, going back to his paper.

"Maybe now," Ed said with a very cheerful face.

It would've become apparent to Grim that he wasn't going to be able to read his paper, but he was _really_ interested in an article this time. No, it's not an obituary. This is a "K+" fan fiction. He looked at Ed and asked, "Don't you have something better to do?"

"Not really," Ed replied.

Eddy barged into Ed's kitchen. "Grim, Ed, we need you two for my latest scam Ed's Polar Sled Ride. Imagine this: An arctic resort––"

"I don't care," Grim said with a rather annoyed face, destined to give him wrinkles. Well, if he had skin, that is.

"Oh, come on, you don't even know what it's about yet," Eddy said, as Double D walked into the room. Eddy didn't _need_ to convince Grim that the idea was great to get him to do it. He just wanted Grim to "admit" that it was a great idea.

"I'm sure I wouldn't be interested," Grim said, trying to read his paper one last time.

"Well, you're going to participate whether you like it or not," Eddy scolded Grim.

Grim sighed. "Fine," he said.

[Scene Transition]

The Eds and Grim made their way outside. "Now, where to put it?" Eddy asked himself.

They walked down the street to see Kevin, who was wearing a hocky mask, and carrying a fake chainsaw. Kevin was picking at the rubber blade, out of boredom. Then he heard someone coming. He shushed the Eds. When Jimmy came out the corner, playing his Game Kid Advance SP, Kevin turned on his chainsaw and yelled, "Jimmeeeh!" Jimmy screamed, and ran off. Kevin started laughing, hysterically.

"Kevin, you've reached an all-time low, scaring poor Jimmy like that," Eddy said.

"Like you wouldn't do the same thing, dorky..." Kevin talked back.

"What are you even supposed to be? A hockey player?" Eddy commented.

"What; do you live under a rock?!" Kevin replied.

"I agree with Eddy. There ain't nothing funny about hockey. It's just a childish sport that nobody watches. You clearly don't know what _scary_ is."

Kevin replied, "What would you know about scary, DORK!" Kevin then went back to laughing hysterically. He then saw Sarah walk around the corner. His laughing quickly turned to crying. Sarah knocked Kevin into the next area code.

Grim remarked, "Bah! At least, _I_ know who the greats are."

"And just who are the greats?" Eddy asked.

"Mon, true scares come from People like the Wolf-Man, Frankenstein's monster, and the king of them all: Count Dracula," Grim answered.

"Did Dracula have dark skin, white hair, a red cape; looked like he would be in his eighties if he was a human; talked in the third person," Eddy asked.

"Why, yeah," Grim replied. "Why?"

"He works down at my dad's dealership," Eddy replied. For the record, he meant the dealership his dad works at. His dad doesn't _own_ the dealership, just in case any of you were confused.

"Really?!" Grim asked.

"Yeah, man, you want to go meet him? I think he's working today."

Grim responded, "That would be great, but what about your scam?"

"Eh, it can wait," Eddy replied. Some of you might believe that Eddy is acting out of character, but _you'll see_.

[Scene transition]

The Eds and Grim made their way to the car dealership. A rather geeky man with glasses and acne said to Eddy, "Hello, Eddy, I haven't seen you around here in months."

"Sorry, but we don't have time to talk," said Eddy. "We're here to see Dracula."

"He's right over there," the man said, while pointing to the other end of the dealership.

Dracula concluded his speech to the orange-haired customer, "… and I will guarantee you this SUV will receive at most eight miles to the gallon."

"I'm sorry, I really can't afford that kind of gas mileage. I guess I'll just stick to my old car," the man said, trying to be polite. In truth, Dracula had messed up so many times, the customer was afraid of getting a bad deal.

"Wait. did Dracula say eight? Dracula meant to say _eighteen_."

"No, sorry, I've already made up my mind," the man said, getting back into his vehicle.

"Wait, Dracula promises he'll get you the best deal…" Dracula then realized the man was now gone. "Dangit!"

Grim assumed Dracula was just having a bad day. Grim went over to Dracula. "Um, excuse me, but…"

"No need to be nervous. Dracula promises he'll get you the best deal on your dream car. Bad credit? Not a problem."

"Um," said Grim, "we're not here to buy a car from you. We're actually here for––"

"Don't tell Dracula you're here to buy from Ol' Gil. Dracula needs to sell a car today, or the boss is gonna fire Dracula."

"No, I meant we're not going to buy a car, period," said Grim. "Listen, mon, you're the prince of darkness. You shouldn't have to sell cars for a living. What happened?"

Dracula started to explain, while the camera did a dramatic zoom that doesn't add any emotion whatsoever. "Dracula had it all: the fame, the fortune, the ladies, but then people seemed to stop being afraid of vampires, like Dracula had become some kind of joke. Dracula even lost his retirement fund. Dracula had a lot of investments ruined by the 2008 stock market crash. Dracula thought it was safer than in 1929, and that Dracula's funds would be able to keep up with inflation, but Dracula was wrong. Dracula suspects someone went back in time and stepped on a butterfly, causing the flow of history to completely change, causing Dracula to go broke among other things."

"Don't be ridiculous, Dracula," said Grim, "there's no way _that_ could've happened." Actually, that _was_ the reason Grim is no longer enslaved to Billy and Mandy.

"Well, Dracula still in the poor house." said Dracula.

"Yep, this is your childhood hero, Grim," said Eddy. "Aren't you upset?"

"No way, Eddy. I see what you're doing, and it ain't going to work. Dracula is still the top scarer. He's just going through a slump is all."

"Yeah, right," Eddy said, sarcastically. "He couldn't scare someone at…" Eddy tried to come up with a punchline but couldn't. "Well, the point is he ain't scary."

Grim said, "Listen, mon, he's scary, and I'll prove it to ya. Come on, Dracula, let's go scare some innocent bystanders."

"Ehh, why not? Dracula gonna get fired anyway."

[Scene Transition]

"Wait a minute," Grim said on their way through town. "If you're a vampire, why aren't you dying in the sun?"

"Dracula could die in the sun. Dracula just don't feel like it right now."

"What happened to the wolf-man and Frankenstein's monster?" Grim asked.

"Dracula don't feel like talkin' 'bout that," Dracula solemnly answered.

"Look, there's an easy target," Grim said, while pointing to a kid with a baseball cap and a paddleball game. "Why don't you scare him."

Dracula snuck up on the kid, with his cape covering part of his face, and made the scariest reveal he could.

The little boy said, "Get lost, you mainstream monster, before I call the cops."

"Mainstream?" Dracula repeated.

"Yeah, mainstream like playing _Thunder the Hedgehog_ games or drinking _Mountain Fizz_ or having a good time or playing paddleball or wearing a baseball cap or or wearing clothes or listening to pop music."

"You're doing half that stuff right now," Dracula pointed out.

"I'm being ironic," the kid said.

"Dracula may not have attended a class in centuries, but if mainstream is popular, then it must be commonly expected, and if you're doing the expected, then you aren't being ironic."

"No! Not logic! It burns!" The kid then disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Dracula stared at the spot where the kid had been standing for a moment, then he said, "Dracula feel like he ain't doing it right."

[Scene transition]

"Perhaps we've been approaching this from the wrong angle," Grim said. "Maybe if you sucked somebody's blood and turned them into your slave…"

"Dracula don't suck!"

"What do you mean? Vampires suck [pause] blood."

"Oh, you see, that is a myth. Vampires scrape and lick. Here let me show you." He demonstrated as he talked. "Scrape and lick. Scrape and lick."

"Are there any _other_ myths about vampires?" Grim asked with an annoyed expression.

Dracula explained, "Vampires aren't actually scared of garlic. It's just that they prefer sour cream and onions, and once a famous vampire went on a rampage after being insulted with garlic. The story changed over several generations."

"Anything else?" Grim asked.

"We're not afraid of running water, or wolfsbane, and we aren't forced to count grains of rice or seeds if you spill them on the floor. We can also enter someone's house without being invited; we just prefer to be polite. Vampires also have no weakness to silver. Wait, maybe that was a myth about werewolves. Hmm."

"What about getting your head cut off, Mr. Dracula Count, sir?" Ed asked.

"What? That doesn't kill you humans?" Dracula asked.

Grim explained, "Listen, I'm sure if you could just hypnotize him into being your––"

"Uh, no, in order to do that, Dracula gonna have to remove his contact lenses, and that's just too much work for Dracula. Dracula don't have any of those cup-y thingies to put them in, anyhow."

"Well, Dracula, do you want to be the king of scaring again?" Grim asked rhetorically, trying to get Dracula to do what Grim wanted.

"Not really, Dracula wants to be the king of the ladies like he was in the 70s, but, Dracula will admit, he's not the ladies man he used to be."

"Why don't you just sign up for an online dating website?" Ed asked.

"You can do that now?" Dracula asked.

"Yeah, Mr. Count-the-Sesame-seeds," Ed answered.

"Truth be told, Dracula doesn't know much about setting up accounts for websites. Dracula has enough trouble asking questions anonymously. It's like Dracula'd have to pay somebody to do it for him, but Dracula only got enough money for candy."

Eddy got a huge grin on his face. He went up the vampire and said, "Well, you're in luck. For just fifty cents per date, and a flat one-dollar charge for setting up your profile, we'l do all the work for you."

"Gee, that sounds awfully generous," the Count said. "Oh, but Dracula doesn't have internet."

"That's okay. How about we charge you a measly two dollars to use the internet at _my_ house," Eddy said.

"Dracula likes talking to people like you. Uh, what was your name again?"

Eddy responded, "The name's Eddy McQuarter, but you can just call me Eddy."

"You're nice," said Dracula. "Dracula feel like paying up front."

Eddy responded, "This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Will Grim prove that Dracula to be better than the main characters of slasher flicks? Will the author figure out if Freddy is the protagonist or antagonist of the film series? Will Dracula become a ladies man again? Will Sonic get a sequel to his made-for-anime movie? Will Scrooge win that rap battle with Donald Trump? Will Mr. Enter ever convince people that bad storytelling in animation for kids is still bad storytelling? Will Mojo Jojo succeed in his conquest to annihilate Quarterlodeon? Is it too late for Subway to make a good commercial for Super Bowl XLVIII? Will Wikipedia ever redeem itself as a reliable website? What about that Animaniacs 100th Episode? Will it ever be made? Will the American public ever realize that Pluto is a dwarf planet? Will Double D say anything in this episode? Why am I asking you all these question? Find out next time on Hyper Ball C.


	12. Tastes Like Ed (Part Two)

_ The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy _

Episode Eight "Tastes Like Ed" (Part Two) [Chapter 12]

Written by Reginald Konga

"Well, this is the place," Eddy said, showing Dracula the exterior of his house.

"Nice place you got there," Dracula said. "Dracula wish he still had a house like that."

Fred then came out of Ed's house (Don't question it), and said, "Hey, Ed, you're out of Peanut Butter, whipped cream, and brusslespouts." I don't know what he wanted with those three food items, either. "Hey, is that Dracula?!" he called.

Grim quietly said to Dracula, "You know, you don't have to fool with that idiot if you don't want to."

"Are you kidding?" Dracula said in an almost ecstatic tone. "Dracula love elephants! Dracula wanna feed him peanuts." He walked over to Fred Fredburger, and he said, "What's your name, little guy?"

"Fred Fredburger! Yes."

"That's a great name," Dracula said. "It's almost as awesome as Dracula's name."

"I can spell my name real good. Eff ar ee dee eff ar ee dee bee yoo arr geee … ee … arr. Fred Fredburger! Yes."

"Well, iddn't that cute." Dracula. "Well, I'm afraid I've got to go now," Dracula said, as he walked off with the Eds and Grim. He came back, looked the audience straight in the eye and referenced _2 Stupid Dogs_ by saying, "Ha! Dracula betcha thought Dracula was gonna say it was WRONG! Didn't ya?!"

[Scene Transition]

"All right, Dracula, my man," Eddy said, "now that we've gotten you an e-mail address, it's time to set up your dating profile."

Note: The creator of _The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_ is not affiliated with any dating website, but I'd like to be.

"All right, first thing's first: What's your first and last name?"

Dracula tried to remember his last name, "Uhhh, just put 'Count' and 'Dracula.'"

"All right, now, we need a username, so stalkers don't murder you."

"Dracula is the Man," Dracula said.

"That's already taken," Eddy responded.

"Uhh, can we add a 17 like we did with my e-mail account?" Dracula asked.

"You're the boss," Eddy responded.

"This is wrong on so many levels," Grim complained as Eddy typed.

"What's your birthday, Dracula?" Eddy asked.

"Dracula was born on, uhh, August 15, 1431," Dracula said. "Wait, maybe it was April 30, 1211… No, I think it was June 27, 1930, or maybe October 25, 1881 or was it––?"

Eddy replied, "Well, it only goes back to 1900, so we'll just say today on 1900. Now, how tall are you?"

"Uhh, Dracula don't know that."

Double D said, "Just stand still, and I'll get a tape measure."

Dracula responded, "Don't tell Dracula what to do. Dracula was born knowing what to do. Just put five foot eight on there. That's close enough."

"Let's see here," Eddy continued. "Previous marraige?"

"Can I tell them later?" Dracula asked.

"Surprisingly, yes," Eddy responded. "Do you have any children."

"Heavens, no" Dracula said.

Ed called out, "What about Ir––"

"He's not in this continuity," said Dracula.

Eddy continued, "All right, ethnicity? Uhh, here we go. Vampire. Uhh, vampire again. Vampire, vampire, vampire… What are things you like?"

"Dracula like disco and dancing and fudge ice cream and Yorkshire terrier mixed dogs and, of course, himself, and…"

"All right, that's enough, I only needed three," Eddy responded, "and your dislikes include…?"

"Ain't nobody gonna tell Dracula what he don't like!"

"Eh," Eddy said, "very well, next question… What celebrity do you look like?"

"Does it matter if he's dead?" Dracula asked.

"No," Eddy answered, truly not knowing.

"Dracula looks like George Washington Carver."

"I wish I knew who that was…" Eddy responded. "Did your mother like you?"

"Of course, Dracula's mother liked him," Dracula said.

"Good. Good," said Eddy, "Now, what brand of watch do you own?"

"Dracula sold his watch," Dracula answered.

"Okay, good," Eddy said. "We all like baseball. How 'bout you?"

"Could we still to questions that are actually on the website," Dracula said, a bit annoyed.

"That's what it says," Eddy said.

"Okay, uhh," Dracula said a bit confused. "Dracula never liked baseball." Dracula then regained his normal attitude, "Dracula likes football, and not the stupid kind they play here. Dracula talkin' 'bout real football that's played everywhere else."

"Soccer?" Eddy asked.

"No, Soccer is for girls. Dracula talkin' 'bout REAL football, where you throw tennis balls and catch 'em with a stick," Dracula said.

"Jai alai?" Double D asked, extremely confused.

"No, they have wimpy sticks that make the ball too easy to catch," Dracula said. "I mean, reeeeal football."

"There's only two options: 'yes' and 'of course,'" Eddy said. "What was your favorite subject in school?"

Dracula thought hard as he said, "Dracula wasn't very good at school, but he was fond of math."

"Math guy, huh? Never would've thought," Eddy said. "How many times have you scraped your knee in public while wearing a tutu?"

"What?" Dracula said. "Never. Why are they even asking Dracula this stuff?"

"It's just part of signing up. Now, how many times did you sleep in your parents' bed when you were a kid."

"Four times, at most," Dracula said annoyed.

"I still think this is a big mistake," Grim complained.

"Say," said Dracula, "how many more questions is Dracula gonna have to answer?"

Eddy said, "I'm sure it won't take that much longer…"

2 and a half hours later…

"All right," Eddy said, "last question: What is your I.Q.?"

Dracula tried to think of an insanely high yet realistic I.Q. "One hundred and two," he responded.

Eddy finished the profile and said, "All right. Now we just wait for women to browse your profile, and they'll be all over you like bees on honey."

"Dracula thought he would be browsing _their_profiles," Dracula said.

Double D explained, "Times have changed, Mr. Dracula. Women now have equal rights as men. It was what people like Susan B. Anthony stood f––"

"Dracula know that, Dummy," Dracula responded. "Dracula just thought that was a requirement of the dating website. Dracula thought it'd be traditional is all." He turned to Eddy. "Why aren't the dates all over Dracula like bears on honey or whatever it is ya said."

"Just give it a couple of days. You can't just expect your website profile blow up overnight. It takes fanboys and fangirls who are going to enjoy the show no matter how bad it gets––" Eddy then heard a noise from his computer. Then another. Then Dracula's profile seemed to be blowing up with women interested in dating the prince of darkness.

"Wow, five hundred and seventy-four eligible bachelorettes," Ed narrated.

"Dracula still got it, after all," said Dracula, triumphant and a little bit surprised.

"Now, hold on," Double D said, "I'm not so sure about this. What if your date turns out to be a dangerous killer? What if they turn into a stalker? What if––"

"Don't listen to him, Dracula," Eddy said, "Come over here and pick out your first date."

Dracula browsed over some of the profiles. He read over the profile of a girl with short blonde hair and said, "Dracula like this one. FemaleYankeesFan1208."

"Let's set up the date right now," Eddy said, "You know any romantic places to eat?"

"Dracula know this cattle ranch with a lot of cows containing tasty blood. No, wait, that was a dream."

Eddy said sadly, "This is going to be harder than I thought."

[Scene Transition]

"All right, Dracula," Eddy said, "I got one of my brother's books on dating here: _Dames, Dates, and You_. I want you to pretend that I'm your date for a moment."

15 minutes later…

"Okay, that was a mistake," Eddy said, quickly.

"Yeah, you're right,' Dracula said, just as quickly.

The less I say about this part of the story, the better.

[Scene Transition]

"Dracula not so sure about this," Dracula said, while wearing a standard white business suit. He was at the fancy restaurant known as Mario's Place. It had several round tables covered in cloth, and it was very large. Two of the walls were more like bridges, in the sense that they have several tall upside-down-U-shaped gapes in the wall. The gaps were just as wide as the brickwork between each of them.

"C'mon, Dracula, you're bound to land that girl," Eddy said.

"Dracula starting to think this is a stupid idea," Dracula said.

"I agree," Grim said.

"Listen, it's all going to be fine," Eddy said. "Now, listen, WildWingedBovine23 should be here soon."

"What happened to FemaleYankeesFan1208?!" Dracula asked, confused.

Eddy explained, "Yeah, she was kind of busy all this week with…" Then, Eddy coughed and quickly and quietly said, "other dates."

"I'm NOT the only person she replied to on that site. Now Dracula REALLY thinks this is a bad idea."

"C'mon, it's not that bad," Eddy said.

"She's not a cow or something is she?" Dracula asked.

"No, it's just a screen name."

"Because that would be really weird."

"Well, it's not going to be weird," Eddy said, "because you and WildWingedBovine23 have a lot in common."

"Like what?" asked Dracula.

"Well, you both like––Shhh, here she comes," Eddy said. The Eds and Grim hid in a bush on the other side of the pillar. "Don't just stand there," Eddy said in the bush, "Talk to her."

"Uh," Dracula said nervously, "you must be…"

"Natalia," the girl said. This girl also had short hair, except it was very dark blue. She looked like a goth, wearing mostly dark clothes, but she wasn't really a goth. She just preferred wearing dark clothes was all.

"Nice to meet you, Natalia. Dracula's the name," Dracula said. Dracula pulled out Natalia's chair, and seated her. "You look very pretty, today," Dracula said, still a bit nervous.

"Thanks, you're not too hard on the eyes, yourself," Natalia said.

"So what now?" Double D asked in the bush, "Do we give Dracula dating advice now or––"

"Don't be ridiculous, sockhead," Eddy interrupted, "As evidenced by that earlier scene, my brother's book didn't know a thing about dating chicks."

"Then, what are we doing in this bush?" Double D asked.

Eddy paused for a moment, then he "whisper-yelled," to Ed, "You idiot, you got us in this lousy bush for no reason!"

Meanwhile, Dracula and Natalia were really starting to hit it off.

"So, then what happened?" Natalia asked Dracula.

"Dracula wasn't going to take no for an answer from the employee, so Dracula didn't just demand to see his manager, Dracula marched up to the C.E.O., and Dracula said, 'Selling ten hotdogs at a time and twelve hotdog buns at a time is like inviting Frankenstein to dinner. It sounds like a good idea, but then you realize you're going to be tired all weekend afterwards."

"Then what happened?" Natalia said in anticipation.

"The C.E.O. said Dracula was out of his mind, and Dracula said, 'That's not the point.'" Natalia started cracking up at this. "Hold on, wait until you hear the rest. So, the C.E.O. of the company invited Dracula to play golf, so we could iron all this out, so Dracula decided to bring…"

The Eds stared at the scene and decided that Dracula had the date in the bag. Eddy turned away from the scene to face Double D and Ed. "C'mon, boys, our work here is done," he said. The Eds then walked home, as it was almost dark outside.


	13. Tastes Like Ed (Part Three)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Eight "Tastes Like Ed" (Part Three) [Chapter 13]

Written by Reginald Konga

Having finished their jawbreakers, the Eds were thinking about what to do next. "Well, this scam turned out great," Eddy said. "Wouldn't you boys agree?'

"What do we do now?" Ed asked.

"I don't know. Usually if we succeed in getting jawbreakers, it's in the afternoon," Eddy said. They had to wait until the next morning to get their jawbreakers, because the candy store closed. "Hmm, what _are_ we going to do?"

"You three really are idiots," Grim said.

Ed pointed and said, "Hey, it's Mount Dracula."

"Huh?" Eddy and Double D said in unison.

Radiating with confidence, Dracula looked to be in a very good mood. He was marching down the street and said, "Dracula gotta thank you boys for encouraging Dracula to go on that date. Dracula's whole life been turned around. I got a new job, I have a beautiful girlfriend, and I feel a century younger."

"You just started dating yesterday," Double D pointed out.

"Time works differently in certain parts of the underworld," Dracula said.

"That might explain the inconsistency with Grim's age," Double D said.

"What do you mean?" Grim asked.

"If Dracula was your childhood idol," Double D said, "he shouldn't be younger than you. You've stated to have been working for at least two thousand years, and death has kind of been around since the beginning of life. When _were_ you born."

"Hold on a minute," Grim said, "Dracula, surely you're not dating a mortal girl. I mean, you can't just––"

"Listen, bone-man," Dracula said, "Dracula's not going to rush into anything. Dracula might turn her into a vampire one day, but not today. Hey, here she comes now." Dracula then rushed over to her and said, "Hey, baby, Dracula was just thinkin' about you. What's with the long face? Who became undead?"

"Dracula, there's something I must tell you. Before I met you, there was another. We were engaged, but he disappeared. Apparently, a deranged lunatic kidnapped him and left him on a desert island. I spent months looking for him, but soon, all hope seemed lost. Dejected, I returned to the overworld, where my two sisters signed me up for that dating website. That's how I found you, but now that he's returned I'm not sure who I love more."

Dracula said, "Oh, no, you're not talkin' about _him_, are you? He probably wasn't even kidnapped."

"Who's he?" Eddy asked.

Another younger-looking vampire then walked out of an alley. He had a lime green cap turned sideways, a fur coat, and a large clock hanging from the his neck chain.

Dracula then pronounced his arch rival's name slowly and dramatically. "**Rualdac!**"

"Well, well, well, look what the bat dragged in. Still wearing that out-dated cape, I see," Rualdac said.

"Capes never go out of style," Dracula argued, "They're iconic. Just look at Superman. Of course, I guess you wouldn't know anything about style, now, would ya?"

"I got more style in my pinkie than you have in your whole body," Rualdac argued.

"Oh, yeah?!" Dracula said.

"Yeah!" Rualdac said.

"Oh, yeah?!" Dracula said.

"Yeah!" Rualdac said.

"I've had it up to hear with people making fun of my childhood idol!" Grim exclaimed. "We're taking this to court."

"We already made an episode where we took something to court, just a couple of weeks ago," Double D pointed out.

"Oh…" Grim said, "Well… in that case…" Grim was taking a long time to decide what to say next. "Is there any _other_ way to settle this."

"Dracula know one way," said Dracula. He turned back to face Rualdac, "Dracula challenge you to the Trials of Marceline."

"Oooh, that's right," Grim said, "The Trials of Marceline! Great idea!"

"I accept," said Rualdac.

"Sounds fine to me," Natalia said, hoping it would make the decision easier.

"Very well then," Grim said, "It's settled. The first person to get three wins in the Trials of Marceline shall win the heart of this fair maiden, but be forewarned for these trials are perhaps the most––"

"Dracula know that," Dracula said, "That's why Dracula called for it, dummy!"

"This is the guy I'm rooting for…" Grim said with a defeated look on his face. He had his arms drooping all the way down and his normally good posture had disappeared. He then sarcastically said, "Super…"

[Scene Transition]

Grim stood there with an outfit similar to the one a high school football team coach might wear, complete with a whistle and a hat. "All right," Grim said, "a group of judges from the underworld have decided the five categories. The first category is: … (sigh) dancing."

A DJ started playing disco music, and Dracula did all kinds of dancing. He was a dancing machine. Okay, I'll admit it: I know nothing about dancing, so I can't give you an accurate description. When the song was over the judges gave their scores: 10, 9, 9, 8, and 10. "Top that," Dracula said to Rualdac.

Rualdac tried to dance, but he did so terrible that the judges each gave him a one out of ten within the first thirty seconds. Keep in mind, there was no zero on this scale.

"Dracula is the winner of the first round," Grim proudly proclaimed. There would have been a crowd cheering, but nobody cared, besides the Eds and Grim, and maybe the judges… maybe.

[Scene Transition]

"All right," Grim said, still wearing the coach's outfit, "the next challenge is: a scare-off."

Dracula went up to a little kid and made the scariest face he could, but the little kid just threw his pistachio ice cream into Dracula's eye. Dracula then heard a scream coming from a large man, who then ran away from Rualdac.

"Rualdac unfortunately wins."

[Scene Transition]

"Grim, are you sure about this?" Double D asked Grim.

"No, but it's what the judges picked," said Grim.

Dracula, Rualdac, Ed, Double D, Eddy, Grim, Natalia, and the judge's were at the top of a huge ski ramp in the void of space. There were meteors all over the place, and the goal was about 300 meters (roughly 325 yards; that's right, I'm still using the Metric system, just to make you mad). Dracula and Rualdac's goal was to land as close to the center of the purple and white target as they could. There were twenty-one layers of the Bull's Eye, starting with 100% at the Purple bull's eye and 0% at the outer rim. Each layer was twice as thick as the last.

A super cool ski instructor then showed up and said, "Hey, I'm here to teach you how to have a good time skiing."

"Dracula already know how to ski," Dracula complained.

"Now, listen, skiing is all about having a good time. If you expect perfect grammar from people on fan fiction dot net, you're gonna have a bad time. If you argue with fanboys in the YouTube comments section, you're gonna have a bad time."

"When do we have a good time?" Ed asked.

"Good question. If you use a fancy font on your English paper, you're gonna have a bad time. If you try to assassinate President Lincoln in present day, you're gonna have a bad time. If you expect _Citizen Kane_ quality from a fan-made project, you're gonna have a bad time. If you watch Nickelodeon, you're gonna have a bad time. "

"Stop giving us common-knowledge advice," Grim commanded.

"If you expect a reply from an internet celebrity, you're gonna have a bad time. If you think asking someone on Tumblr the same question over and over will make them more likely to answer you, you're gonna have a bad time. If you make an internet video expressing how much you don't care about 'haters,' you're gonna have a bad time."

Dracula then pushed the Ski Instructor off the edge of the ski ramp (the side that didn't have a defined slope). Dracula then said, "Let's do this!"

"On your mark," Grim said, "Get set. Go!"

Dracula and Rualdac then skied down the slope and jumped into the low-gravity. It looked at though they were flying. "So, Rualdac, you ready to give up, ya wuss?" Dracula taunted.

"I could ask you the same question," Rualdac said.

"No, you couldn't," Dracula said, "Dracula called you by name."

"That does it!" Rualdac then used those stick things the skiers use and started trying to hit Dracula with it. Dracula guarded with his ski stick, and the two continued with their sword fight. Dracula almost got hit at one point, but luckily, Rualdac missed. They stopped fighting to get out of the way for an meteor, but then they immediately went back to fighting. Then, they realized the target was near.

The two landed on the target and stuck the landing (at least that's what the internet said it was like to "stuck the landing"). They didn't move their feet when they landed; I can tell you that much.

"Rualdac unfortunately wins," Grim narrated.

"What?!" said Dracula. "We _both_ landed on this circle."

"Yes, but he landed first, which is considered the tie breaker," Grim explained.

"That's right, Dorkula," Rualdac said, "Just one more victory, and I win.

Sitting on the sidelines, Natalia then said, "I love a man with poor sportsmanship."

"Why are girls so weird?" Ed asked Double D.

Double just shrugged his shounders while making that "I dunno" humming sound.

Note: The author does not actually believe that all women are shallow or that they're crazy enough to find bad sportsmanship attractive. He believes that you cannot generalize a group of people like that.

"Hey," said a squeaky-voice teenager, "You guys need all-day passes to ride the Asteroid Ski Jump." Apparently, this was all part of a super-advanced amusement park ride.

[Scene Transition]

"All right, Dracula," Grim said quietly to his childhood idol, "You can't afford to lose again, so I want you to give a hundred and ten percent on this next––"

"Ain't nobody gonna tell Dracula to give more than a hundred percent of something," Dracula corrected.

"Listen, mon, I'm serious. You really need to give it your all and then some," Grim said.

"What did Dracula just say?!" Dracula asked rhetorically.

"Give it up, Grim, your hero is finished. Ahahahaha," laughed Rualdac.

"We'll just see about dat," Grim said to himself quietly.

Dracula said, "When Dracula gonna get the power potion?!"

An announcer in a referee outfit and solid red shorts said into a microphone, "Ladies and Germs…"

[Cut. That was stupid.]

[Take Two]

An announcer in a referee outfit and solid red shorts said into a microphone, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we now present to you: The Lodge Race."

"Don't you mean 'Luge'?" Double D asked.

"What's a Luge?" the announcer asked.

"It's the name of the sled the contestants ride down the slide with," Double D explained.

"You mean the sack," the announcer said.

"Never mind," Double D said, feeling defeated.

Another man said to the man in a referee outfit, "Let's go. We need to get this slide to Apple Lake's county fair by tomorrow."

"All right; all right," the announcer said. The announcer then went back to the microphone, "Their names are not important, so let's get down to it. Gentlemen, get into position." Dracula and Rualdac got ready to slide down the slide.

"You ready to lose?" Rualdac asked.

"Gosh, you're obnxious!" Dracula said back.

The announcer started the countdown, "Five… four… three... eh, just go already."

Dracula managed to get a head start, but Rualdac was gaining on him. They were neck-and-neck. Rualdac took then lead, then Dracula, then Rualdac, then Dracula, then Rualdac, then a gnome, then Rualdac, then Dracula.

They both made it to the bottom, but it was a photo finish.

"Let's get an instant reply on that," said the announcer.

The screen went frame by frame and revealed that Dracula won by a single frame (and it was 30 frames per second, just so you know).

Grim was relieved to know Dracula still had a chance.

[Scene Transition]

Later, at the Cul-de-Sac…

"What's the final challenge, Grim?" Double D asked.

"I don't know. Vampires usually realize the Trials of Marceline are stupid by this point."

"Dracula know the final challenge of the Trials of Marceline. Dracula gotta get a vampire hunter to wear a gopher costume."

"Dracula, you're forgetting that vampire-hunters don't exist anymore. There are spectral exterminators, but they don't count unless they focus on vampires."

"How 'bout you guys try to get a _descendent_ of a vampire hunter to wear a gopher costume?" Eddy suggested.

The judges talked this over for a moment, then the one that resembled a giant parrot said, "We'll allow it."

"All right, let's find the descendent of that Simon Whistlemont fellow," said Rualdac.

"I agree. Dracula hate that Simon Whistlemont," said Dracula.

Rualdac then said, "Geez, Dracula, show some respect; the man is dead."

[Scene Transition]

Meanwhile in downtown Peach Creek, a boy was playing with his toys. He had a toy jet, a toy monster truck, and a toy dump truck. In the boy's pretend world, the toy dump truck was on its way to deliver some coal to somewhere when the monster truck ran over it and a plane crashed into the monster truck. The boy went through a lot of toys that way.

Behind some bushes, Eddy said to Dracula, "Are you sure that's him?"

"Oh course, it's him. He's the spitting image of a young Simon Whistlemont, as evidenced by this picture I found."

"That's an image of the boy we're looking at," Double D pointed out.

"Hmm, that explains why he was able to buy a portrait before photographs were invented…" Dracula said.

"Well, at least we know his name _really is_ Alvin Whistlemont III," Double D said.

"So, how are we going to do this?" asked Eddy.

"Kids like to play dress-up anyway," Dracula said, "It should be a piece of cake."

Dracula walked up to the kid, as Eddy said, "We're doomed."

"Hello, little boy. How are you on this fine day," Dracula said.

"Good," the boy answered. He was a bit confused by Dracula's presence.

"I was wondering if you could by any chance…"

Ruladac butted into the conversation saying, "Here kid, put this on or else!"

"AAAAGHH!" The boy screamed, "Mommy!"

Rualdac grabbed Alvin and said, "Shhh! Now put this on."

"You're never gonna get him to put on the outfit doing a deal like that, Dummy!"

"Oh, dear," Double D said. "This is not good…"

"Just as I suspected," Eddy said, "They're gonna get arrested." Hey, that almost rhymed.

Ed then said, "That's a technical foul."

Double D asked, "Ed, what are you––ED, NO!"

Ed blew on a very specially made dog whistle, accidentally calling up Grim's old pet Cerberus.

"Noooooo! Not Cerberus!" Grim exclaimed.

Suddenly, a hole was formed in the Earth, and fire came out of it. From the fire emerged three heads. The first one (in the center) was a bloodhound head. The second (on the left) was of the same vicious breed, but it was a slightly lighter shade of red. Then, the head of a poodle emerged. They were all connected to the same humongous dog.

"Oh, my," Double D said with great fear. Eddy started running off. "Eddy, where are you going?!"

"I'm leaving. What's it look like?"

"What?!" Double D asked.

"C'mon, Double D, let's go. He's gonna kill us."

Cerberus then breathed fire upon the scene with all three of its heads.

[The fire acted as a scene transition]

In his room, Eddy started by saying, "Well, I guess we're not going back to the candy store for a couple of days." At that moment, Cerberus was burning down the city. There were no casualties, because no one ever dies in this story, but back to the Eds. "So, in short, we need to find something new to do with our time."

"Hey, guys," Dracula said, coming into Eddy's room.

"Dracula, you're alive!" Ed yelled.

"Sorry, we couldn't help you win the Trials of Marceline," Double D said.

"It's cool. Rualdac let me have Natalia anyway," Dracula said.

"What? Why?" Eddy asked.

"Yeah," Rualdac said, "It turns out Natalia likes cats, which is a deal-breaker for me."

"But her profile said she didn't have any cats…" Eddy stated.

"Yeah, I know she doesn't have any cats. It's the principle of the thing. I can't be tied down to a woman who likes cats. Seeya." With that, Rualdac left.

Eddy face-palmed, and Dracula said, "So, we going to the candy store or what?"

[Iris Out]


	14. Jacked Up Boo Haw Haw! (Part One)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Nine "Ed, Edd n Eddy's Jacked Up Boo Haw Haw!" (Part One) [Chapter 14]

Written by Reginald Konga

Dateline: June 28, 2013

Eddy came bursting through the front door, ready to explain his next big plan. Double D, Ed, and Grim had waited for him at Eddy's place. It was a very warm Friday, with green leaves on all sorts of trees, not at all fitting for a Halloween special.

"Eddy," Double D said, "I know you called us here for something important, but can't it wait until after the President's speech?"

"What are you talking about?! What could be more important than this?!" Eddy said with glee while holding up folded up piece of paper the color of Scarlet.

Double D looked at it briefly and then said, "That's nice and all, but I honestly don't have a clue what you're––"

Eddy quickly unfolded the 7-inch by-10-inch piece of paper, and said, "My brother gave me this, Double D. It's a series of directions to the scariest, most monster-ridden neighborhood in the land. It's called: SPOOKYVILLE!" He yelled the last word as loud as he could for reasons I don't quite understand. I know I'm an omniscient narrator, but there's always a limit, except for that one thing. "This is the kind of place, where people give out buckets and buckets of candy. It's gonna rock! Am I the man, Ed?!"

"You're the man, Eddy!" Ed yelled back.

"Eddy, I sincerely doubt that map will lead us anywhere," Double D said. "There are hardly _any_ locations on Earth––as far as mortals are concerned––that would contain something so legendary without people knowing about it, especially in the general location that we reside. Furthermore, it's not even Halloween, so there is no way that we would receive any candy."

Eddy looked angry at Double D for having doubt in his grand scheme, but then he said, "Wait, not Halloween?" He looked very sad, like he was about to cry. Eddy then got angry and said, "My brother's a whiz at messing with me. It's not fair! Why does he always have to give me all this horsebull. Why, I oughtta––"

"Tsk, tsk, what language," Ed said, with a condescending tone.

"I said horsebull!" Eddy reiterated. "Now, listen, Ed, I'm tired of––"

"Shh, the President's about to come on," Double D said.

"Ladies and gentlemen," a female voice from the news report said, as Double D turned up the volume, "now, a word form President Wallace Henry Harrison." Double D didn't even notice the sentence fragment. He rather enjoyed hearing the President speak, even if he couldn't vote.

"My fellow Americans, I have some good news and bad news. The bad news is a man by the name of Smith has filed a patent on the American flag, so legally, no one is allowed to manufacture any American flags until the copyright on it expires. Now, I, the President could pardon anyone who manufactures these flags, but I can't be bothered to file all the paperwork. Therefore, the Fourth of July is cancelled. The good news is: In its place we are going to have Halloween. In order to make up for the American public having to buy candy and costumes on such short notice, Halloween will be a national holiday for the next three Halloweens, not counting the one in July, which will also be a national holiday. That's just more days that you don't have to work. Now, I know this can be hard on employers, but it is important to remember––"

"Look out––!" shouted a man in a suit who jumped in front of the president to catch a spitball.

The secret service then pulled the President to safety. "This interview is over," one of the Secret Service agents said into the microphone.

The picture then turned to static, and Double D turned off the Television with the remote, with an extremely confused look on his face.

Eddy then said, "Looks like the hunt for Spookyville is on…"

Ed then said, "They start the Christmas Season earlier every year…"

[Opening Sequence, whatever it may be]

Dateline: July 4, 2013

"Woohoo!" Eddy announced sliding out of his house onto his knees (which somehow didn't get scraped), "C'mon, boys, it's trick-or-treatin' time!" Eddy had white sideburns made from construction paper, a very messy wig that extended to the back of his neck, and furry gloves which stopped just before his elbow. He also had a hat over his wig and he seemed to be dressed in the pajamas that some English-speaking person from century's past would wear.

"Wait for me, Zombie Elvis," Ed said. Ed had a viking hat, a red viking beard, a viking sword (or rather a spatula), and a viking tunic. In other words, he was a viking.

"Nice nut costume, Ed," Eddy retorted.

"I am LOTHAR! Viking! Protector of Montezuma!" Ed said.

"Besides, Ed, I'm not a Zombie Elvis," Eddy said.

"Then, who _are_ you supposed to be," Ed said.

"Duh, I'm Werewolf Scrooge," Eddy said.

"Huh?" Ed said.

"The werewolf version of a main character of that 'Three Ghosts of Christmas' story," Eddy said.

"Huh?"

"An extremely greedy yet successful business man, only bitten by a human-wolf creature that turns others into human-wolf creatures by biting them," Eddy explained, trying his best to explain the whole concept to his unintelligent companion, while trying to sound smart.

"Huh?"

"I'm supposed to be Pac-Man," Eddy said.

"OH!" Ed said, "Now, I get it. _Werewolf Scrooge_ … makes perfect sense now."

"Enough of that!" Eddy said, "Where's sockhead?"

"My apologies, Eddy," Double D said. "It took me longer than expected to put on my costume." Double D had a strange spherical hat over his regular hat and a labcoat.

"Oo, oo, I know this one; I know who you're dressed as, Double D!"

"You do?!" Double D asked, rather proud of his friend.

"Yes, I do. Pick me! Pick me!" Ed begged.

"Very well, Ed," Double D said, "Who am I?"

"You're Jimi Hendrix!" Ed shouted, proudly.

Double D looked in disbelief for a second, then shouted, "NO! Not Jimi Hendrix, I'm dressed as Dr. Alfred Peninsula, discoverer of the cure for Sheen's Disease."

"Sheen's disease? That's not a real thing," Eddy said.

"Yes, it is. If it weren't for his work, Sheen's disease would affect almost a dozen people every year," Double D said.

"Yeah, whatever you say, Hendrix," Eddy taunted. "Say, where's Grim?!"

"I'm right here," Grim said walking towards them from Ed's house. He had been watching his favorite soap opera on T.V. when he realized he had to attend to the Eds. "Are you sure I can't just sit this one out?"

"No," Eddy answered, "Now listen: we're going to go trick-or-treating before we head on to Spookyville."

"Why?" Ed asked.

"Shut it, stupid!" Eddy said. "Now, Grim, I want you to come with us, so we can maximize our Halloween candy, all right?"

"Like I have a choice," Grim responded, sarcastically.

"Hey, Grim, can I borrow your scythe?" Ed asked.

Grim asked, "Ed, don't you know that in the wrong hands, me scythe could open a portal between the dead in the living––"

"––Releasing-countless-souls-to-cause-chaos-and-an-untold-amount-of-damage," Ed finished quickly. "I know. I'll be real careful with it."

Grim said, "Well, you can't just––"

"I WANT TO USE THE SCYTHE!" Ed whined.

"Give the big baby his bottle," Eddy commanded Grim.

"Fine," Grim said, "You can have me scythe, but just for tonight."

"We'll use your scythe whenever we **d a r n** want to, slave," Eddy said. Grim just grumbled something.

[Scene Transition]

As the Eds headed downtown, they saw a few houses that had been pranked. One of them had a large number of plastic eating utensils that were blue and red. It spelled out the words, "Happy Birthday," but the _y_'s were a bit off, so they looked like _v_'s.

"Say, Grim," Ed said, "Why do people play tricks on Halloween?"

"I suppose that's partially my fault," Grim replied.

"What do you mean?" Eddy said, stopping.

"Well," Grim started his story, "it all started a very long time ago in the kingdom of West Zorea."

"West Zorea?" Double D interrupted.

"Hey, who's telling the story here?" Grim asked rhetorically. "Yes, in West Zorea, there lived a man named Jack O. Lantern. Now, Jack was a pleasant guy, but he loved tricks.

In the flashback, a man with a large nose and long orange hair walked in a goofy fashion towards town. This was Jack. Jack saw a sign that read "BE SURE TO FEED YOUR OWN COWS AND CHICKENS TO PLEASE YOUR SPOUSE," but Jack changed re-arranged the letters to say "YOUR WIFE SURE IS A COW!" I'd be more insulted by how stupid the sign looked before he messed it up.

Grim continued his narration, "Now everyone enjoys a good laugh every now and then, but the problem with Jack is that he didn't quite know when to stop."

A man pointed to the flower sticking out of Jack's pocket, and Jack agreed to let the man sniff it, but he didn't want to remove it from his pocket. As the man leaned in to take a whiff of the flower, Jack snuck a cobra into his pocket, and the man went about his business. Jack then gave someone a single pat on the back as he walked along his merry way. A little kid walked up to the man, whom Jack had given the pat on the back, and the little kid kicked the man, because Jack had placed a sign on the man's back that read, "Kick me exceptionally hard!" Jack then saw a pie in the windowsill. He also saw a man looking at a clipboard to the right of the pie. Jack threw the pie in the man's face. The man with the pie in his face was paying too much attention to his clipboard to notice who threw it. Jack pointed to the other guy who had just walked up to the scene. The two men got into a fight, and Jack got off scott-free.

"Then, one day, the townspeople decided they had had enough, so they decided to deliver a gift to the queen of West Zorea."

"Excuse me," Double D interrupted again, "but colonial America didn't have a queen besides the––"

"Shh, this is a dramatic part. You're ruining the tension. Now, everyone in West Zorea knew the queen had no sense of humor, but she simply adored gifts, and well…"

The queen is handed a jar that read "I give to you, our beloved queen, one box of the finest peanut brittle. ––Jack O. Lantern." The note, of course, was a forgery. The queen opened it to be surprised by some fake snakes that had jumped out. The queen was not amused.

"The rest was history. She sent for her best knight to teach Jack a lesson."

A knight rode his horse out of the royal castle, through the woods, and up the hill to Jack's house. Jack awoke to the sound of the knight bursting though the door.

"That's when I made the scene."

The next morning with two black eyes, Jack opened the door to find the Grim Reaper outside. He looked to find an ax in his back. Grim pushed the dull end of his scythe's blade on Jack's chest, but Jack simply pushed it back and closed the door. Removing the ax from his back, Jack walked back to his living room to prepare some more pranks, but Grim materialized in front of Jack.

"Well, his time had come. I, however, had underestimated the power of his tricks."

Jack removed his very special feather from his hat and used it to tickle Grim. The feather was from a now-extinct bird. The bird was considered by its prey to be a delicacy, so it adapted by making its feathers in such a way that any predator would break out into a great fit of laughter. It is extremely difficult to remove feathers for this reason, but Jack had connections.

Jack grabbed Grim's scythe and started making demands.

"He stole me scythe and wouldn't give it back until I gave into his demands. He wanted me to grant him eternal life, so he could continue pranking people forever."

Eddy asked, "Well, did you give it to him, Grim?"

"I had no other choice."

Grim grabbed Jack's hand and Jack glowed purple, signifying that he would be immortal.

"I granted him eternal life, but the Grim Reaper does not like being tricked, so I decided that Jack would never be showing his face around town again."

The flashback ends just before Grim slashed through Jack with his scythe.

"You cut off his head?!" Ed said in shock.

"Yup," Grim said. "Felt pretty good, too."

"Then, what happened?" Double D asked.

"Some say he cut a face into a pumpkin and stuck it on his shoulders, so he could speak. He only comes out on Halloween to play tricks. The rest of the time, he remains in his little house, unchanged in an ever-changing world, longing for his old head."

"That story is so stupid!" Eddy complained. "There's no chance that Jack would… I shouldn't even have to explain why your story's a bunch of nonsense! It's… UGH!"

"Hey, guys, you know what I'm thinkin'?" Ed asked.

"You think?" Eddy asked, playfully. Double D couldn't help but giggle.

"We should split up to cover more ground."

"Yes, Ed," Double D said, "but if we split up, we won't receive as much candy from each house,"

"Huh?" Ed said.

"HOW MUCH MORE CANDY WILL WE GET FROM DOING THAT?! THINK!" Eddy said.

Ed then thought about it really hard.

"C'mon, we'll be here all night. Let's go!" said Eddy.

"But, Eddy, what will we do without Ed?" Double D asked.

"Eh, forget 'im. Nothing bad will be happening tonight. We're going to Spookyville." Little did Eddy know that something bad _was_ going to happen that night. Because Eddy let Ed think for an entire 48 minutes, he opened a great Pandora's box. Wait, hold on, is that the right metaphor? Or is it an idiom? Wait, is there a difference? Where was I? Oh, yes.

After a total of 48 minutes, Ed realized that Eddy had left him all alone. "Hey, wait a minute, Eddy … Eddy …" He thought extremely hard. "Eddy left me all alone. Well, I'll show him. I'll gather way more candy my way. I'll start with that house." The camera then shifts its focus to an ordinary… no, not that house, the one to the left… no, a little further. Sorry, folks, a couple of our cameramen retired, so we're having to find ways to fill their shoes. No, DON'T GO BACK TO THE FIRST HOUSE! What are you doing now?! Going to the house on the right? What the––?! Now you go two houses over. Why can't you do that to the left?! J- just stop… NO, YOU'RE GOING RIGHT AGAIN! Yeah, that's it! Keep going the way you're going! Brilliant! No, wait stop, that's perfect. Thank you. Upon a rather sizable hill, there was a rather old-looking house. This house belonged to Jack O. Lantern.

Scythe in hand, Ed went up to it. He said, "Hmm, no doorbell. Oh, well." He knocked at the door.

Then, Jack with his pumpkin head opened the door and said, "WHAT?!"

"Trick or treat!" Ed chanted.

"Trick," Jack said. He then handed Ed a baby bear. "Aw, how cute! The little dickens…" Ed then looked behind him to see the mother bear. "Uh, I was just––" The mother bear grabbed Ed by the neck, and Jack watched as Ed was beaten off screen.

Ed fell to the ground, but then he said, "Do it again!" He then got up and said to Jack, "Wait a minute, you didn't give me any candy…"

Jack grabbed his bag of tricks, filled with water balloons, "Kick me" signs, skunks, stink bombs (for when skunk smell just wasn't enough), trick flowers, cream pies, safes (for dropping on people), glasses with holes to spill water on people, et cetera. "Beat it, kid! I got plans for tonight. Take your phony scythe and play with somebody else."

"Phony?!" Ed said. You people may be noticing that Ed sounds an awful like Billy from that other continuity. Well, the truth is he started taking pure sugar from the cabinets at home, and doing so really amped him up. "Hey, this scythe ain't phony! It's the real thing!"

A connection was made in Jack's pumpkin brain. "_THE real thing" instead of "a real one." What could he?_ Jack looked at the scythe and realized that it was indeed the scythe of the Grim Reaper. An evil smile grew on Jack's face. "Say," Jack said slyly, "Maybe I was a bit harsh. Tell you what? If you help me raise money for charity, I'll buy you some candy."

"Hooray!" Ed yelled.

"C'mon, kid, we've got work to do," Jack said.

"Yeah!" Ed cheered.


	15. Jacked Up Boo Haw Haw! (Part Two)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Nine "Ed, Edd n Eddy's Jacked Up Boo Haw Haw!" (Part Two) [Chapter 15]

Written by Reginald Konga

With Grim's scythe in hand, Jack brought Billy to a nearby pumpkin patch. "Gee, mister," Ed said, "If we're raising money for charity, why are we here in the pumpkin patch? What are we even raising money for, anyway?"

"Oh, you'll see soon enough," Jack raised Grim's scythe and blasted a red laser towards the dark clouds above. This opened a green, swirling vortex that released several hundred souls from the underworld. "With the Grim Reaper's scythe at my side, chaos will reign. Be free, spirits of the underworld. Take these pumpkins for bodies, and live again." The spirits started to possess these pumpkins, which gained faces like Jack's. Together we shall rule Halloween and take our revenge on the people of Peach Creek. Now it's our turn to roam the streets, while _they_ cower in _their_ homes, and the sun shall never rise again, and it will be Halloween every night … FOREVER!" Jack began to laugh evilly.

Ed then said, "Now, that's what I call the Halloween spirit." He then started laughing, completely oblivious to what would become of him.

"Ahahahaha," Grim laughed as he continued to throw eggs at a lady's house.

"Happy halloween, you nutty kids," the young woman said.

"Isn't this fun, Double D?" Grim asked.

"I suppose anything can be good in someone's opinion," Double D said in a calm, low voice.

Eddy stopped and saw Jimmy and Sarah walking across the street. "Hey, maybe I can mooch some candy off of Jimmy." Eddy ran over to Jimmy and Sarah. "Hey, Jimmy, what are you supposed to be: Bootleg Mattio?" Eddy asked.

"I'm his brother Lorenzo," Jimmy replied.

Eddy remembered something. "Oh, you mean like that two-player mode in _Super Mattio World_ where it wasn't really two-player, because you had to take turns."

Jimmy said, "Well, yes, but––"

"I saw that on ViewTube, but why would you be him when you could be––"

Sarah was starting to get tired of being ignored. Jimmy interrupted, "They were out of Mattio costumers in my size."

"Oh, okay,"

Sarah was _REALLY _tired of being ignored. "Are you at least going to ask who I'm supposed to be?" she asked. She was wearing a purple costume that made it obvious that she was supposed to a witch.

"No," Eddy said. He turned back to Jimmy. "So, you gonna share your candy with Uncle Eddy or what?"

Sarah then knocked Eddy high into the sky.

"Hey, Double D," Kevin said in a friendly voice. "Do you know what time it is?"

"I'm sure Grim knows," Double D replied.

"Oh, it's about 8:30," Grim replied.

"Shoot, I'm late. Rolf wanted me to meet him at his mushroom plantation in the woods at 8:20. Seeya, Double D," Kevin said riding off on his bike.

"Say, Grim, how much longer do you think you'll be?" Double D asked.

"I've got another twelve dozen."

"Twelve dozen eggs?" Double D asked.

"No, twelve dozen cases," Grim corrected. "Why don't you head off about your business."

"If you wish Grim," Double D was a bit disappointed, as he thought tonight was going to be a good night with his "chums." Double D knew this would be one of their last Halloweens where they could trick-or-treat. The next few years they'd have to go to parties. Turning around the corner of the sidewalk, Double D saw Nazz down the street.

Double D thought about talking to her for a moment. _It's Nazz. Oh, how I would love to tell her how I truly feel! Maybe tonight will be the night, but what will I say? "Hey, Nazz, may I kiss you?" That'd just be ridiculous. No, I mustn't keep this attitude forever. I need to think of something to say to her: something bold, something poetic, something charistmatic, something incredible…_

"Hey, Double D," Nazz said, "Happy Halloween."

Double D gasped, but composed himself quickly and said, "And a merry valentween to you, Nazz. I like your Aphrodite costume."

The author walks onto the stage and says, "Eris will appear in a chapter someday, I promise, guys; that is, if the story isn't cancelled by then. Stop boo-ing me. Writing this story is hard. You're the monsters!" The author walked off stage, thinking to himself, _That could've gone better_.

"Thanks, Double D, you're the first person to recognize it. Jonny said I was the Statue of Liberty," she complained. "Can you believe it?"

Double D continued his nervous conversation, as Eddy regained consciousness.

"Oh, my achin'––Aw, man, I gotta get back to trick-or-treatin'." Eddy got up and dusted himself off.

Jonny walked onto the screen, (staying in the background), dressed in a black muscle shirt, which he had stuffed with cotton to create phony muscles. He also had a fake blonde pompadour. He said, "Hey, Eddy, want to see my costume? Check it out! I'm Johnny Bravo. Pretty neat, huh?"

"I see. You dressed up as a cartoon character who's also named Johnny," Eddy said.

"Huh?" Jonny didn't have a clue what Eddy meant.

"Never mind," Eddy said, walking off.

Jonny shouted as Eddy walked off, "Hey, if you see Plank, tell him to meet me at the playground! I've been looking for him everywhere."

Eddy quickly found Nazz and Double D talking. Double D was nervously rambling in front of Nazz. The topics kept changing and somehow he got stuck on toothpaste.

"Hey, Nazz, would you believe that I can eat three dozen ice cubes in a minute," Eddy interrupted.

"Um, what?" Nazz asked.

"It sounded cooler in my head," Eddy said. "Say, we found this map to Spookyville, and when we get there, we'll be rewarded with buckets and buckets of candy. You wanna come with?"

"There you are," Grim said after finding the Eds. It had taken him 159 dozen eggs, but Grim realized that the young lady truly didn't care that her house was being egged, and thus, be became bored. "I was wondering what happened to you. Say, where's Ed? I bet that idiot's probably too incompetent to go trick-or-treating. I bet he got … one single… piece of… butter… scotch." Grim slowly stopped, for he heard the sound of great stomping. A giant living pumpkin with a villainous smiley face carved into it walked around the corner with an army of other pumpkins behind it. Jack, who, along with Ed, was riding on top of the giant pumpkin, gave the signal for the pumpkins to stop.

"Hello, Grim," Jack said in a menacing tone. "Fancy seeing you in Peach Creek again?"

"I still don't believe that stupid story," Eddy said.

"Quiet you," Jack said to Eddy. He looked back at Grim, "So, Grim, I've heard you were enslaved to three mortal children. Care to explain."

"Um," Grim said, "well, you see… uhh…"

"Well, Grim," Jack said, "since you don't feel like elaborating on that, allow me to ask another question. Do you know what's so special about tonight?" Jack asked.

"It's Halloween?" Grim suggested nervously.

Jack just looked at the audience for a second. Then, he said, "Let me rephrase that: Do you know what's so special about this Halloween night?"

"Uuuhhhhhhhh…" Grim stammered.

"Tonight's the night," Jack said slowly. He then turned to a quick and angry tone and finished his sentence, "that I finally get revenge on you for ruining my life!"

"Hey," Ed said, "I thought you were just going to raise money for charity, and where's my candy?"

"Foolish child," Jack said, "don't you see? There is no candy. I tricked you into giving me the tool for my revenge against your 'best friend' Grim because I am really Jack O. Lantern."

"So, you're giving me candy tomorrow?" Ed asked.

"No," Jack said, somewhat defeated.

It seemed that there was a hamster wheel inside Ed's head. The hamster ran as fast as he could, but he overexerted himself and fell down. The hamster went for a loop or two before the wheel stopped.

"Say, this has been fun and all, but I think I'll just be heading home now…" Grim said.

"Not so fast, Grim," Jack said. A large hallowed out tree with a large pumpkin head and a candle now blocked Grim's path. You might recognize this monster from the _Billy & Mandy_ Harum Scarum game on Cartoon Network's website. Man, that game's hard! Jack continued. "You know how I'm gonna get revenge?" he asked in a very calm yet villainous voice. "I'm gonna cut off _your_ head with your own scythe."

"What?!" Eddy exclaimed, "Don't be an idiot! Grim's head is removable." Eddy then removed the Grim Reaper's head. Then he reattached it to the rest of his skeleton. Then he did it quickly several times.

"Yes," Jack said, "but any head cut off by the Grim Reaper's scythe can never be reattached."

"Oh," Eddy said, "Well… Can I have that scythe back?"

"No!" Jack yelled.

"Please," Eddy said.

"NOOO!" Jack yelled. "Looks like it's time for me to _head_ out." He turned to Ed, "Well, it's been swell, kid, but it's time for you to get lost."

"Wait a second," Ed said. "You're a bad guy, aren't you?"

"Yep," Jack said. He knocked Ed off the large pumpkin monster and said to Grim, "Come on, we've got a beheading to attend to."

"Wait, Jack," Grim said, "if you kill me, you'll never get your head back."

"What…?" Jack asked. He was very confused.

Grim explained, "You see, there's a dimension that's home to the seven Crystals of Osirus. If you can gather all seven, I can recite an incantation to grant your wish. I swear."

"Very well," Jack said, "I'll let you live to give the incantation… then, I'll cut off your head." Grim gulped at the sheer thought of this.

Jack laughed, as Kevin popped up from behind him. Kevin kicked Jack in the knee and said, "I don't know who you are…" He punched him in the stomach, "but I don't like what you're doing!"

"Insolent little worm," Jack uttered.

"If you mess with Kevin," Nazz said, standing next to Rolf, "you mess with all of us."

Epic music seemed to play, as the kids stood their ground. Rolf grabbed a club with nails on the thicker end. Sarah put pieces of metal in each of her two boxing gloves, then she put them on her fists. Jonny pulled out a katana, and Nazz held out a crossbow.

"Where did you kids get those weapons?!" Jacked asked.

Down the road, the Discount weapons stand's going-out-of-business sale was doing fine. "Get your discount weapons here," the clerk exclaimed, "Everything must go! Credit problems?! NO PROBLEM!"

Plank then fell on top of Jack's head, and Jack exclaimed, "That does it!" With one move of the scythe, Jack encased all of the kids (and Plank) in blue energy barriers. Jack then asked, "So, where is this dimension?"

"It's in the land of Spookyville," Grim answered, sadly.

"Very well, to Spookyville, then… Ahahahahaha!" Jack then opened a vortex that sucked all of the kids and Jack's army into the alternate dimension.

"Well, this stinks," Eddy said angrily, "What are we supposed to do now?! Go home and forget that the neighborhood kids ever existed?!"

"Eddy," Double D explained, "we have to save the kids and Grim and maybe the entire world,"

"Forget that!" Eddy said. "_What we need_ is a new group of kids to scam."

"But Eddy," Ed whined, "if we don't save Sarah, my mom will ground me!"

"Besides, Eddy," Double D said, "don't you remember what happens to your brain when you can't scam anyone."

"ERRGH!" Eddy grunted, "Fine! Come on, boys, let's go to my house. I got a plan."

[Fade to Black]

"All right, it should be down here in my basement," Eddy said.

"What are you looking for, exactly?" Double D asked.

"Bingo," Eddy said. "All right, we've found Grim's trunk. Now, we just have t––"

"I don't know," Double D said, "I mean, after last time."

"Do you want to save Grim or not?!" Eddy asked rhetorically.

"Very well," Double D said, sadly.

"Ah, here we go," Eddy said. He pulled out a large clear glass jug containing green slime and said, "With this goop, we'll get superpowers based on our costumes."

"Talk about Deus Ex Machina," Ed said.

"Day of Ex Masheema," Eddy tried to repeat. "What is that?"

Double D explained "Well, when characters…"

"Shut up," commanded an annoyed Eddy.

"How do we use it, Sir Humbug-a-Lot?" Ed asked.

"Well, like Grim said during that banned cartoon…"

"What banned cartoon?" Double D asked.

Eddy reminded his friend, "Remember: apocalypse, even more fourth wall breaks than usual, ViewTube videos, that song that offended all human beings at once?"

"Oh," Double D said blushing, "_That_."

"Now, if you'd quit interrupting, Grim said that if we pour this over ourselves, it'll give us superpowers based on whatever costumes we're wearing."

"EEEEYUGGH!" Double D grunted.

"Cool, but how does it know what powers to give us?" Ed asked.

"It's a living thing, Einstein. How else would goop give us superpowers?!" Eddy said sarcastically.

"Okay," Double D said, completely horrified, "first of all, it's disgusting to pour a living glob of slime on top of us. Secondly, how could you know about the nature of nonliving supernatural objects? I mean, how do you know that nonliving objects can't––I'm so confused." Double D rubbed his forehead.

"Come on, you big baby," Eddy said pulling Double D and then Ed together. Eddy let go of his friends to uncork the jug and throw the slime into the air. The goop, as Eddy intended, landed on all three of them at once. The goop had a low viscosity, so it fell to the floor immediately. The eyes of the three Eds began to become all swirly, and their costumes were nowhere to be found. They all suffered severe muscle spasms with no injury. Then, Eddy fell to the floor, catching himself with his hands and knees. Brown hair burst out of his hands and the lower half of his arms. Ed experienced changes as well. He grew a red beard and viking clothes appeared out of nowhere. Double D's clothes materialized too.

Eddy then said, "Aha! Now I'm a werewolf, and when I've had my fun I'll turn myself back to normal with that pink antidote." Eddy was now wearing a gold-colored piece of battle armor over his torso encrusted with fake sapphires, rubies, and emeralds. He now had hair on the lower half of his arms and throughout his entire head except for his face and chin, (despite the chin being one of the most obvious places to grow hair). "I wonder what else I can do," Eddy said. He quickly shot the peace sign and out of his wrist came a stream of one-dollar bills. "Woah, money powers," Eddy said somewhat quietly and somewhat quickly. He then yelled, "AWESOME!" Just to clarify, Ebenezer Scrooge could not shoot money at people. I, the narrator, shouldn't have to explain that to you kids. It is, however, interesting to note that in Spanish-speaking countries, the name Ebenezer has a very positive meaning (though, I couldn't give you an accurate translation right off). Despite the fact that _A Christmas Carol_ is not popular in most of these countries, people in these countries who _have_ read the book find it very ironic that a popular fictitious character named Ebenezer would act so selfishly.

"Check me out!" Ed said from behind Eddy. Ed was now wearing a white tunic. He also had his red and green viking helmet with the horns. His red beard was now real, and he was looking much more buff than usual. Even his spatula had become more powerful, as it was now a full fledged sword––a relatively large one, I might add. Given, his sword's blade was made of a semi-transparent, purple crystal with a spatula on the inside.

"What on Earth happened to me?" Double D asked. He had an afro, a purple vest, and a multi-colored shirt.

"Didn't you want to be Jimi Hendrix this Halloween?" Eddy asked, rhetorically.

Double D answered, "No, I was supposed to be dressed as Dr. Peninsula, but it has become apparent that even the goop thought I was dressed as Mr. Hendrix––May he rest in peace."

"We've wasted enough time," Eddy said, sticking his upper body back into Grim's trunk. He pulled out a small jar of purple gunk (which was three-quarters empty) and said, "All right, we've only got enough to make one round trip, so we better make this count." He pulled out half of the gunk, threw it in the air and said, "Take us to Spookyville." The Eds were then struck by a thin white energy beam and were teleported to the other dimension.


	16. Jacked Up Boo Haw Haw! (Part Three)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Nine "Ed, Edd n Eddy's Jacked Up Boo Haw Haw!" (Part Three) [Chapter Sixteen]

Written by Reginald Konga

Ed, Double D, and Eddy arrived in the strange alternate world. It looked a lot like the cul-de-sac, but every house was covered in decorations. The houses screamed, "Please, please, _please_ come over here and take candy from us!"

The children would answer, "Okay, can we have some candy?"

Thus, the owners of the houses would say, "Here, have some candy. Seriously, you _need_ it!" I'm speaking metaphorically, of course. The houses didn't literally speak.

Eddy's voice became high pitched as he said, "Check out these houses, guys!"

Double D responded, "I must say Eddy, it does feel as though giving out candy is some sort of competition, but we have a quest to––"

Eddy yelled, "It _is_ a competition, sockhead. My brother said that whoever gives out the most candy gets a $100 gift card––good anywhere."

"Time is of the essence, Eddy. We need to gather those crystals or who knows what could happen to our friends?"

"ERRRGH!" Eddy grunted, "Are you sure we can't just trick-or-treat for a little while."

"No, Eddy, we have to hurry!"

"Fine!" Eddy said, "Let's go, but where?"

"Perhaps, there's a clue somewhere…" Double D suggested.

"Maybe you should check the map," Ed said, butting his head into Double D.

"Wait a minute," Double D said. "That's it! Maybe we just need to look at the map a certain way. There's gotta be something we can do to reveal––" Double D stopped and realized something. "Eddy, I would hate to suggest the idea of playing with fire," Double D said, "but would you happen to have a match? Perhaps holding the map against a bright light would provide some sort of clue."

Eddy lit a match, and Double D held the map next to the flame. The fire started to reveal the true secret of Eddy's Brother's map.

"Egads, it appears that this map actually leads to the location of every one of the Crystals of Osiris," Double D narrated.

"Well, that might explain why we arrived in Spookyville immediately after traveling to this world," Eddy said, half-way complaining about the writing of this story.

"According to this map," Double D narrated, "The first crystal should be in a dormant volcano just to the west of here."

"Fine, let's get this over with," said Eddy.

The Eds trekked up the volcano. They saw the wooden bridge and started their way across. "Gosh, it's hot!" Eddy complained as they walked.

"Of course it's hot, Eddy," Double D said. "We're only above a volcano!" he said sarcastically.

"When are we gonna get to the role-playing game?!" Ed whined.

"Shut up, Ed!" Eddy yelled.

Ed then said, "Hey, you're not being very––"

Eddy interrupted him. "Hey," said Eddy, "do you see that?" Eddy directed his friends attention to a small shrine. On it rested a yellow shard. This shard was not a perfect cylinder by any stretch of the imagination, but that's the closest you'll get to an accurate description from me. Depending on how you measured the diameter, it was four to six times taller than it was thick. "The first crystal! Finally!" Eddy rushed his way over to the crystal, only to be greeted by a puff of sea green smoke. He stopped in his tracks to look at the being in front of him.

It appeared to be a humanoid with pale blue skin. In addition to being solid red, the creature's hair was very thick and bountiful, going all the way down to the creature's knees. She had a smirk on her face, revealing that her teeth were slightly purple. She was wearing a solid white dress. She was––you guessed it––a vampire. After a few seconds, which seemed like an hour, it spoke, "I've been expecting you … For the last 948 days, no one has made it to my humble lair, not grave-robbers, not archaeologists, not anyone."

"We're terribly sorry to bother you, miss, but a being by the name of Jack is going to come here and––"

"It's no trouble," the being interrupted. "I enjoy a good fight." She jumped up in the air. The screen had the words "Boss One: RARURIRORE" on it, with several different poses by the vampire lady. She returned to reality (and I would mean that quite literally, if it were not for the fact that this is a cartoon) and said, "I'll even let you keep the crystal in case of a stalemate."

"Oh, dear," Double D said, "We just wanted to keep it safe. We didn't know there'd be any kind of challenge. We didn't even know there'd be a––"

"Don't be a wimp, sockhead," Eddy said, "We can take her."

"Buttered Toast of the dead," Ed exclaimed.

"Oh, dear," Double D uttered.

The screen went to orange, and blue lightning flashed… for some reason.

Ed held up his sword and cried, "You're going to get it, Rarurirore!"

Ed slashed his sword through the vampire lady three times, but she used the wind to push him away with a swift wave of her hands. Eddy then came up to her and punched her once with each of his fists, stepped back, then punched her with each of his fists again. She then knocked Eddy away with a single punch. Double D pulled out his blue bow and red arrows and launched three of them at her, but she just reflected them with the wind ability.

"What do we do?!" Eddy asked in a quick and worried voice.

Ed got back up on his feet and said, "I got this!" He then ran over to her and threw a filet mignon steak––cooked medium––at her.

"My one weakness…!" she exclaimed.

"All right, take this!" Eddy yelled.

Eddy then gave the peace sign fired a stream of one-dollar bills, damaging her. "Ow!" she screamed.

"What can I do?" Double D questioned.

"Try pulling out your guitar," Ed suggested.

Double D pulled out his trumpet instead and said, "Oh, well." He played one short note and one long note. He stopped at just the right time, knocking the lightning that struck his trumpet into the enemy.

"Gos t!" she yelled.

"Check this out!" Ed yelled. He then called upon the winds to start spinning him around very quickly. He then moved towards her and started continuously hitting her with his sword.

"Stop!" she begged.

Eddy then threw a roll of quarters at her and yelled, "Lightning bolt!"

"QUIT IT ALREADY!" she screeched. She was trying to get her powers to work again.

Ed then looked for something to throw. He grabbed a large rock (or a small boulder depending on how you look at it), and threw it at her.

"Now you've really made me mad!" she announced. She then went up and grabbed Double D. Double D struggled as hard as he could. He did everything he could to avoid being bitten by the vampire, and in the end, he succeeded. He knocked Rarurirore away from him.

"That does it!" Eddy yelled. "Take this!" Eddy then summoned several streams of twenty-dollar bills and five-dollar bills out of the ground, forming a huge web and giving the vampire a series of severe paper cuts.

"AAAAAAAGHH!" she hollered. She was finally defeated. She fell to the ground."I guess you win after all," she admitted, "but be forewarned, I am but the weakest of the seven protectors of the Crystals of Osiris." She then closed her eyes.

"Oh, my goodness!" Double D exclaimed. He walked closer and asked, "Is she really dead?"

"Nah, not really," she said, "I'm just unemployed now, but you gotta take your prize."

Double D said, "We're really sorry we made you lose your job."

Eddy proudly added, "I'm not."

"Eh, I was thinking of quitting anyway," she responded.

Eddy grabbed the first Crystal of Osiris and said, "Come on, we've got a lot of ground to cover if we're going to go trick-or-treating tonight." The Eds then saw a large passageway materialize before their eyes. The passageway was made of metal. It was full of holes of the same size much like a mesh backpack, but the holes were too small for a no. 2 pencil to slide through it. The passageway took many ninety-degree turns at random intervals, and it went up at a 2/5 slope. "Come on, sockhead. This must be a clue to the next cyrstal," said Eddy. "Come on, look at the map."

Double D read the map and said, "Yes, I suppose you're right. The map does say to––"

Eddy grabbed him and said, "Come on, this way."

The vampire then yelled, "Stop saying 'Come on' so much! It's driving me crazy!"

The Eds ran up the passageway into the sky.

They saw the same alter, but this time it carried a green crystal. "There it is!" Eddy yelled. He then ran towards it, but was stopped by a lime green beam of light. The monster before them had green skin and stitches all over his body. He also had two pieces of metal sticking out of the left and right sides of his neck.

"Oh, no, it's Frankenstein," Eddy said with a slightly upset tone. Double D rolled his eyes, and Eddy said, "What?"

Double D explained himself, "Frankenstein was the scientist, not the monster. Large groups of people getting a simple piece of what should be elementary knowledge about an all-time classic is a pet peeve of mine."

Eddy asked, "Are you mad at me because you hardly spoke in the last episode?"

Double D stated in a rather angry voice, "No, I'm not mad because I hardly spoke in the last episode. I'm mad because people keep calling the monster from _Frankenstein_ by the wrong name. It's annoying!"

"Can I help it if everyone else calls the monster Frankenstein?" Eddy asked, starting to get angry too.

"No, but you could at least pretend to know something about the novel by Mary Shelley," Double D argued.

The monster moved his eyes to look at Eddy. "Who's Mary Shelley?! What are you talking about?!" Eddy yelled.

The monster moved his eyes to look at Double D. "Can you seriously not read between the lines?!" Double D ranted.

The monster lost his patience and yelled, "HEY! ARE YOU GOING TO CHALLENGE ME OR WHAT?!" He jumped in the air and the words "Boss Two: HANK-AND-STEINBECK" appeared on screen.

"Prepare for the fight of your life!" the monster shouted.

Blue lightning, once again, flashed on an orange screen.

Frankenstein's Monster started by enlarging his green fists and pounding the ground with both of them at once.

"Hey, this isn't an turn-based RPG!" Ed yelled. "What are you trying to pull?"

"Uh, sorry about that," the monster said.

Double D pulled out his blue bow and launched about five arrows, but the monster knocked them back at him. Double D narrowly dodged them. "Phew…" said Double D.

Eddy then threw his roll of quarters at the monster, but he knocked those back too. This time, Eddy couldn't dodge them. "OW!" he yelled.

"What do we do?!" Double D asked.

"I know what to do…" Ed said. He drew a picture on a sketchpad and showed his drawing of fire to the monster.

"AAAAAAGH!" the monster yelled. He ran away and fell off the edge of the passage way to his watery doom; I mean, watery unemployment. A large _THUNK_ could be heard.

"Man," Double D said.

"At least, we won," Eddy said a bit annoyed. "This is taking too long," he said as he grabbed the crystal. Just then something grabbed his feet and started dragging him. "Hey, what's going on?! Help! SOMEONE HELP!" He was quickly being dragged into a factory.

He heard a voice in the dark area. "So, we finally meet… WEREWOLF!"

"Wha––?!" Eddy stuttered, as he was held upside down.

The lights came to reveal the mummy_. The mummy said, "Because of you, I'm out of work in the cereal industry. I could've been renewed this year, but _nooooo_, you had to get picked back up last year too." The mummy jumped to do a flying kick pose and the words "Boss Three COPYRIGHT INFRINGING MUMMY" appeared on screen. "Well, now you will see the true power of a egyptian pharaoh." Oh, wait, that joke would really only make sense in October 2014. This story takes place in 2013. Shoot, I try to make a Fruity Yummy Mummy and Fruit Brute reference, and I miss my––Oh, never mind.

Blue lightning flashed over an orange screen.

Eddy was released from the mummy's bandage tentacle. He quickly grabbed it, gave it a great tug, and the mummy continued unwrapping until he was no more. Eddy could hear someone say in a deep voice, "Flawless victory."

Ed and Double D bursted into the factory and Ed said, "Eddy, the secret to beating the mummy is––Oh, I guess you already know."

Eddy complained while grabbing the red crystal, "Where do they get these guys?! I want something exciting!" A huge trap door then dropped our heroes a great height. "Me and my big mouth!" Eddy said to himself.

The Eds landed on an ice berg. Double D landed to the left of Ed (Ed's right) and Eddy landed spine first on top of Double D.

"Are you fools ready to face… _me_?" asked a voice. The Eds looked up and saw a figure in black riding an equally black horse. The headless being had a jousting sword in his left hand and a pumpkin in his right hand. "In truth, I sympathize with Jack. Once I finish you three off, I shall hand him the four crystals without question."

The horse put its front legs in the air, as the words "Boss Four THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN" appeared on screen. Blue lightning flashed on an orange screen.

"We're doomed," Eddy said. The Eds ran in the opposite direction. "Scatter!" Eddy yelled. Double D went farther away from the screen (they were running to the right of the screen), Ed went closer and Eddy continued straight. Eddy could hear the horseman closing in on him. It seemed hopeless now.

"Eddy!" Double D shouted in fear. He pulled out his guitar and played a short solo at a very fast pace. A huge energy shield was raised in front of Eddy, and the horseman was caught in this field of plasma. He fell of his horse, which continued running without him.

Ed yelled from a distance, "he's only half as powerful without his horse, Eddy. NOW'S YOUR CHANCE!"

"That's stupid," Eddy complained once again. He then started a very fast werewolf clawing attack on the monster, but the horseman grabbed Eddy's hand.

"Hahaha, now you're doomed." The horseman was about to strike Eddy with his sword, but Ed ran and kicked the horseman's pumpkin far away. "No!" the horseman released Eddy to run for his dear pumpkin. He grabbed it and said, "Now you've asked for it."

He darted towards Ed and Eddy, but Double D rushed in front of his friends and played a chord on his piano, thus summoning a ball of green smog. The horseman fell into this and stopped. "Ugh, not this." After the smog disappeared, the horseman dropped on his knees and said, "So cold it hurts… Can't go… on… This… can't be…" He fell on the ground and faded into oblivion.

"Whew, that was close!" Eddy exclaimed. A beam of natural light fell from the heavens over the blue crystal. Eddy ran over to it, and grabbed it. "Yeah, now we've got four of them."

"Maybe, we should quit now," Double D said. "We have four of them. At this rate, we're only collecting them for Jack."

"Double D, you're not supposed to point out the Macguffin delivery service trope until it's too late," Eddy scolded.

"Aha, so you _do_ read TVTropes!" Ed announced.

"Now we have to come up with a new reason to continue our quest," Eddy said. Our heroes sat on a suddenly-there tree stump. _Thinkin' Thinkin' Thinkin' Thinkin' Thinkin'_

**To be concluded in Part Four…**


	17. Jacked Up Boo Haw Haw! (Part Four)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Nine "Ed, Edd n Eddy's Jacked Up Boo Haw Haw!" (Part Four) [Chapter Seventeen]

Written by Reginald Konga

Having finished sailing across the waters, the Eds started their trek through the woods to find the next crystal, but first, they had to bury the crystals they had collected, so that Jack could not get all of them at once.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Eddy?" Double D asked as Ed finished digging with his hands.

"I'm sure," Eddy answered. They threw the blue, yellow, red, and green crystals into the hole, and covered them with dirt and grass. "Come on, we've got things to do."

The Eds continued through the woods until they found their next opponent. "Greetings," he said in a friendly voice, "I am the monsoon wizard." The being looked like a wizard Penn Ward would design. He was a rather large man of medium height, and he had a very large, solid white beard, and a wizard's hat that had a swirled, monochromatic green design. He jumped up in the air and struck a pose, while words were summoned to spell out "Boss Five MONSOON WIZARD." "However, I'm afraid I must destroy all of you."

Blue lightning flashed on an orange screen.

"Take this, why don't you…" he yelled, continuously spitting flames out of his mouth.

"Do it again!" Ed yelled, after the wizard had finished.

Double D launched arrows towards the wizard, but he just blocked them. "Why do I even bother using these things?" Double D asked himself.

"Here's a present," the wizard said before shocking Ed with lightning.

"Keep it coming," said Ed, who was still enjoying it.

"Take… this…?" the wizard said confused, just before he blasted Ed with a large force of frost.

"HAHA!" Ed laughed.

"It's about time I showed you my full power," Eddy said to the wizard. He then moved his arms around to direct a large wave of gold towards the wizard, which swept him away. "No, I left my guard down."

Eddy exclaimed, "All right, let's get that crystal and…!" He stopped to realize the Monsoon wizard wasn't quite ready yet.

The wizard held on to his lower chest with his left arm (right from the Eds' perspective) and said, "I have only five hit points left. That's five out of twelve thousand health, but I still have one trick up my sleeve. It may cost me the forest, but it will be worth it to protect the crystal. I'm going to summon a comet to kill you all… or was that a meteor… or a meteroite… actually, I think it'd be a meteoroid."

"Not if I can help it!" Double D said, pulling out his clarinet. He started performing a song too high-pitched for the human ear to hear, thus blowing purple energy out of the end of his clarinet. The energy formed a man of relatively muscular build (not quite slim but not quite the Hulk).

The wizard said, "Wizard Ultra Fighting … PRYO BA––" Before he could finish the word "ball," the wizard was punched by the energy being. The wizard stammered a bit, then he fell down and faded into oblivion. "We'll all float on… once I regenerate. I'm just unemployed is all," he said weakly, as if he were addressing this episode's graphic violence.

"Geez, Double D, wasting your strongest move on five HP. Overkill much!"

"I didn't use my strongest move, but _you_ did prematurely," Double D pointed out smugly.

"Yeah, yeah," Eddy said a bit upset, not realizing the full effect of Double D having one last trick up his sleeve for a later boss.

"Hey, Eddy, can I have a solo fight, since I'm a viking, please!"

"Knock yourself out," Eddy said with a smug smile. He truly did not want to fight the second-to-last monster. This way, he could save his strength for the next battle."

"Oh, boy!" Ed yelled in an ecstatic tone while running forward. Ed ran through an opening in the forest into an even bigger opening. He saw rock everywhere he turned. The doors separating that opening in the forest started to metal doors swung closed within three seconds. It closed just fast enough to keep Ed from escaping, but it still felt slow and agonizing. Ed then realized that he was trapped inside this huge arena. He then saw a rather large monster (resembling Rolf's monster appearance from the original "Boo Haw Haw!"). In place of the large troll's right hand was a large club with spikes coming out of it. The troll's other hand was huge. The troll was not accompanied by a servant (that demon pig), but he was indeed a worthy adversary nonetheless.

"You have fought well to make it this far, Lothar, but your journey ends here!" the troll said.

The troll struck a pose, as the words "Boss Six TROLL" appeared on-screen.

Blue lightning appeared on an orange screen.

Ed used his sword to call upon the winds to lift him high into the sky. He then swung his sword up, then, just as he was about to land on the troll, he swung it down as hard as he could. "OUCH!" the troll yelled after having lost an eighth of his HP.

The troll beat down with his club hand as hard as he could, but he went just enough to his right that Ed could dodge it. Ed then swung his sword seven times before the troll could lift his club-for-a-hand. Ed swung his sword twice more, then bolted out of the troll's way. The troll had lost another third of his health bar. "I can see mere physical attacks won't stop you. Time to bring out phase two. Believe it or not, mushrooms are not all I do."

"Mushrooms?!" Ed exclaimed.

"Did I not mention that?" the troll asked. Ed shook his head. "Well, yeah, that's the misleading piece of infor––Well, I'm actually a DENTIST TROLL!" he said unveiling dentistry equipment from a tarp that wasn't there a second ago. "Time for you to be get a crown… ON YOUR HEAD! AHAHAHAHA!"

"NOOO, NOOO, Please not today!" Ed yelled running away.

The troll jumped in front of him, and Lothar had no other choice than to fight. He stabbed the troll dentist in the toe before the foe could stop him with the drill. "Oh, no, my Achilles Heel."

Ed then used all his strength to summon a tornado to suck up all kinds of debris. The tornado chucked all the rocks at the troll's face. The troll started to rock back and forth. Ed used his foot and push the troll forward, and thus, he fell for good in front of the door.

Double D and Eddy ran through the door. "Ed, you did it!" Double D yelled.

"I had total faith in you, Lumpy!" Eddy said.

"That's Lothar, kind sir," Ed corrected.

"Yeah, whatever," Eddy said, as he grabbed the white crystal. Suddenly, the world, around the Eds started to swirl all around. "Hey, what the––" Eddy gasped.

They were thus in a humongous room. There was an purple, black, and red energy ball in the center of the room on a raised circular platform, just below a hanging circular pillar. It seemed to be a generator of some sort. The rest of the room had three long passageways, and three large pits. The passageways as wide as a basketball court was long, and they were much, much longer than they were wide. A voice called, "Werewolf Scrooge… Lothar… Jimi Hendrix… You have done well."

"Dr. Alfred Peninsula," Double D grumbled in a low voice.

"However, I am afraid I cannot allow you to continue any further." A bedsheet ghost appeared in the room. "It's time to face your permanent fate." The words "Boss Seven GHOST" appeared on the left side of the screen.

For the final time, blue lightning flashed on an orange screen.

"Thank goodness, we don't have to look at that orange screen anymore!" Eddy complained.

"You'll all surely die. This room is filled with a poison that will gradually decay your heal––No, wait, we haven't finished installing that feature yet, but you'll still all die––" Ed slashed his sword through the ghost, but the foe was unharmed. "You fool, ghosts don't die! Ahahahaha!"

"Oh, dear," Double D said.

Eddy threw a roll of quarters at the ghost, but it was no use. Eddy then used his ultimate attack to fire liquid gold at the enemy, but it didn't do any good.

Double D then said, "I was going to save this for a special occasion, but I have no choice. Here's my ultimate attack!"

Double D then pulled out his guitar, and played a 45-second guitar solo. As the solo continued, small beams of yellow light started being emitted from the ghost's body. "What? No, STOP!" By the time, Double D had finished the ghost was halfway covered with light spots. It screamed, but it was soon no more. The ghost exploded, and the Eds had succeeded in getting the last crystal, which fell from the spot where the ghost exploded into Eddy's hands. "We did it! YAY!" The area around them started to swirl, and the Eds were returned to the spot where they had arrived in Spookyville. The Eds began to cheer, but then, something happened. As Eddy pulled out the other two crystals, Jack swooshed by on Grim's scythe and grabbed all three of them out of his hands.

"Ahahahahaha!" he laughed, "and I got the other four crystals from where you hid them. Now, I'm afraid the hour of Grim's beheading has grown near. It's been swell, fooling with you guys, but I gotta jet. So long!" With that, Jack summoned a green vortex and flew into it.

"Oh, man, we've got to do something," Eddy said. He pulled out the jar filled with the purple gunk and said, "Time to go home!" They used the gunk to teleport to their home dimension, but they had not realized the full extent of something important. "Oh, dear, we forgot to calculate where Jack would be for the ritual."

Eddy shouted, "The pumpkin patch! That must be where he is! I mean, why wouldn't he go there!?" The Eds then started running towards the pumpkin patch.

Jack had all seven of the Cyrstals of Osiris. He held them with joy, as he knew they could bring back his head. He handed them to Grim and said, "All right, summon Osiris, and don't try any funny business. My eternal life was part of our deal, remember?"

"Trust me, Jack," Grim said with a serious tone of voice, "I never go back on my word." As the Eds rushed to the Pumpkin Patch, Grim stood back and started the incantation to summon the dark blue dragon Osiris. A beam of energy emerged from where the crystals stood. It burst up into the sky. The dragon had been summoned.

Osiris spoke in its native language, "You have summoned the services of Osiris. Speak your wish, and it shall be granted, but there shall be only one per century, so choose––Master, is that you? Is it finally time to lay waste to this land?"

Grim said in the same language, "No, that day won't be today. Um, things haven't really gone well, since last we spoke."

Jack then yelled, "Grim, you better not think of taking away my life with your wish. WE HAD A DEAL! Now, ask it to bring back my head!"

The dragon heard this, even if the request was in an invalid language. "Master, is this what you want?" the blue dragon asked.

Grim frowned. Before he could answer, the Eds came running into the pumpkin patch. "Hey, wait up! You can't do this!"

Then, Jack used Grim's scythe to blast the Eds. The Eds fell down on the floor. They were severely injured, but Ed and Double D were nowhere near as badly hurt as Eddy, who had taken the full blunt of the attack.

Jack laughed, "Ahahaha! How do you like them apples?! Your health will degrade into nothing soon enough." He turned back to face Grim. "Come now, bonehead, give me back my head."

Grim continued to look at Eddy. "Grim, we're sorry about all this," Eddy said. "If we hadn't split up, then none of this would've happened. We're sorry." Eddy was starting to slip away.

"Today, Grim!" Jack demanded.

Grim then had an angry look on his face. For whatever reason, he had decided he didn't like the way Jack treated him or the Eds. He turned around and said something to the dragon in its strange native language.

"So you have wished it," the dragon said before giving a brief pause. "It shall be…"

A beam of light came down from the heavens and restored the Eds to full health.

"What?! NO!" Jack screamed.

"Farewell, master," the dragon said in English. He then disappeared in a burst of light.

"NO! NO! NO!" Jack screamed. "What have you done?! Where did he go?!

Grim then said, "I asked for them to be made immune to the effects of me scythe for the next 24 hours. He only grants one wish every one hundred years. I may not be able to take your life away, Jack, but perhaps these three will teach you a lesson. They did find all the crystals after all."

Jack blasted energy beams into the Eds, but they had no effect. Jack started getting extremely upset. Then, he held up the scythe, and hit himself with an energy, absorbing all the powers from the scythe.

"Jack, what are you doing?! NO!" Grim yelled.

Jack yelled, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE?! ANOTHER CENTURY BEFORE I GET ANOTHER CHANCE?! NOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT!" Jack gained a very strong aura. He dropped the scythe, which had been drained of all its power. Jack then said, "PREPARE FOR THE BEATING OF YOUR LIFE!" Jack started firing large balls of green fire at the Eds, who narrowly avoided them.

Eddy took off running to re-think his strategy. Double D and Ed stood their ground. Double D fired his arrows, which only caused Jack a little bit of pain. "Oh, dear," Double D said.

"Hey," Ed said. He pointed to Jack, his sleeve falling down his arm, and he said, "Now, it's my turn!" He pulled out his sword and said, "Feel my righteous fury!" A bolt of lightning came down from the heavens, and Ed redirected it into Jack. Jack braced for impact, but he quickly realized he had just absorbed the lightning as well.

"What happened?" Ed asked.

"Ed," Double D explained, "electricity, by its very nature, cannot hurt anyone who isn't touching the ground."

"Oh, fooey," Ed grunted. Jack redirected the electricity into Ed, who took it on full force. "Ouchie," Ed said.

"Now, it's your turn, Hendrix," Jack shouted.

"For the last time," Double D said, performing his guitar solo, "I'm going as DOCTOR ALFRED PENINSULA!" Double D then fired a series of power chords after the spell was over. It drastically drained him of health and energy. He finally just fell down, exhausted.

It seemed as though Jack had been defeated. When the smoke cleared, it seemed that that simply wasn't true.

Kevin, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, Jonny, and Sarah were all watching this display of strength, despite having their bodies wrapped in blue energy. "He's not hurt at all," Kevin said, "That's awful. Double D got himself hurt for nothing!"

"Where's that little twerp?!" Jack asked, starting to sound demonic from all the supernatural energy.

"Hey, Dumbface!" Eddy shouted on the ground behind Jack. "Get a load of this!" He then used a hose connected to a fire hydrant to blast Jack with a huge stream of water.

"I'll get you for that!" he yelled, still sounding a bit demonic.

Eddy made a splint for the scythe. He slid on the grass and grabbed it, once again narrowly avoiding a green ball of fire.

"You've got this, Eddy!" Kevin shouted.

"You can do it!" shouted Nazz.

"Rolf has much admiration for you, conniving Ed-boy!" Rolf said.

With the encouragement of his "friends," Eddy leaped into the air with his scythe, and grabbed onto Jack, giving Jack a very quick barrage of right-handed punches and kicks from his opposite side. Jack, of course, started firing back. Jack grabbed Eddy's scythe in an attempt to rid himself of Eddy.

"You won't get away with this, you pest!" Jack yelled.

The scythe regained a very small and insignificant amount of energy after Jack and Eddy touched it at the same. A blast came from the blade, and it went in completely the wrong direction. Jack punched Eddy, and Eddy landed on his hands and knees, finally too tired to fight anymore.

"Oh, no," Jimmy uttered.

Jack returned to the ground and taunted Eddy before destroying him, "Haha, you missed, moron. Now what? Are you gonna cry, _you little weasel_?"

"Actually," Eddy said with a smile, "I wasn't aiming for you."

"That's right; I have returned," said a heroic voice.

Jack gasped at what he saw to his right. "Rubious Dragon-Slayer."

The knight who had killed Jack decades upon decades earlier was standing in front of a portal––summoned by the scythe––that brought him there. He started stepping away from his horse towards Jack. "How does it feel, Jack?! _Are you scared of me?!_"

"Yes, sir. I am very scared of you…" Jack said, frozen with fear.

The knight walked around Jack. "Good," the knight said, raising a piece of his helmet to reveal his tough-looking face. "Then, this will be all the more painful."

The knights started viciously punching Jack in the face. The last punch sent Jack backwards, and he almost fell to the ground, but the knight's black horse caught Jack, pushed him up, then used its hind legs to knock Jack back to the knight. Jack was met with yet another punch to the face. The knight grabbed Jack by the shoulders and started punching his kidneys. "Please, make it stop!"

"As you wish," the knight said. The knight sent Jack flying with a mighty kick. As Jack started falling down, the knight launched himself forward and punched Jack yet again. Knocking him onto the dirt of the playground. The knight held Jack still, right next to the merry-go-round. He gave it an incredible spin, then stopped it, then he gave it another spin.

Next, Rubious buried Jack in front of the chicken-shaped bouncy ride. He pulled the bouncy ride back with one finger, and released it, causing it to knock Jack further into the ground. Jack pleaded, "Please, I'm begging you…" He started crying.

The man knocked Jack forward, then launched himself onto Jack's stomach and started riding him through the woods of Peach Creek, going through a variety of trees. Jack arrived in the construction site, but he realized that Rubious was gone. "Where could he have––?" Jack then saw a large crane with a wrecking ball coming for him, and its pilot was none other than Rubious Dragon-Slayer. "Sto-aw-awp!" Jack cried, but he was still too scared to move on his own. The wrecking ball picked Jack up from the ground, and the knight began to demolish incomplete buildings with Jack still on the wrecking ball. The knight's horse took over, and Rubious jumped and grabbed Jack, punching him over and over while still on the wrecking ball. Jack was immortal, so he was left alive through this entire sequence of events.

Rubious punched Jack again, launching him back into the pumpkin patch. Jack landed on some of his pumpkin minions. The souls that had taken over these pumpkin bodies were released and returned to the vortex above them. Rubious dragged Jack over to the tree with the pumpkin head. He used Jack to chop down the tree. When the pumpkin hit the ground, it splattered, and the soul returned to the underworld through the portal.

Rubious then threw Jack across the field, causing him to land on more pumpkins. Mr. Dragon-Slayer then said, "It's time for me to finish you." The knight then started glowing green. Blue lightning started coming towards him, causing his aura to glow much brighter. More and more energy came to him. The knight released it in a mighty blast of red energy that went in all directions, with many powerful beams of energy blasting much farther. This move destroyed Jack's entire pumpkin body. The blast ended, and Kevin, who had braced for impact, couldn't believe that he was left uninjured. Now free with Jack's blue energy containment bond, he walked forward, revealing to the camera that a pumpkin had survived, only for it to be destroyed with a leftover blast. The Eds had also lost their powers from the blast.

Rubious walked over to Jack, who, as indicated by his facial expression alone, flinched, despite the fact that Jack still not being able to move the rest of his body. The knight just spit on Jack's face, and rode off on his horse into a light blue vortex that he himself had created.

Grim was now free from the spiky vine that had imprisoned him. He walked forward, and grabbed his weapon. "That knight certainly knows how to get the job done. All of the energy Jack stole is back in me scythe."

Double D said, "Apparently, he even healed our battle scars with that explosion."

"Napkin please," Ed said.

"Now what are you going to do with Jack?" Eddy asked. "You _did_ have a deal."

"I never go back on my word," Grim said, "but I think Jack has overstayed his welcome."

Grim was about to pick Jack up to allow him to float into the vortex, but Eddy said, "Wait a minute. Wouldn't throwing Jack into that portal to the underworld be the same thing as reaping him, which would violate your deal."

"Hmm, you're right," Grim said, raising his finger to his chin. Grim used his scythe to close the portal in the sky, then he used opened a portal to Alaska. "I guess we'll just have to send him to Antarctica," he said with an evil voice.

Jack woke up and said, "Ooooh, I broke every bone in my body. Hey, what are you––?!" Grim picked up Jack and threw him into the portal. Grim then laughed evilly. "Well," he said, "I guess that about wraps it up."

"I can't believe it," Kevin said, "I got out of this whole mess without getting hurt. I suppose I should beat the tar out of Eddy for causing this mess." Eddy gasped as Kevin said that. "However, I suppose I'll let you go… just this once, but don't ever let that happen again!" Kevin started walking home, along with everyone else. "I hope you dorks enjoyed your little game in Spookyville." Just within earshot of the Eds, Kevin muttered, "Idiots."

"Hey," Eddy said, "That's right, we can still go trick-or-treating in Spookyville. Come on, boys, let's––"

"There you are, Eddy," yelled Eddy's father, coming through some dead trees. "Do you know what time it is?! It is Twelve-O-Two. You were supposed to be home over two and half hours ago. I hope you had fun because you're _grounded_!" Teddy McQuarter grabbed Eddy by the arm and escorted him back home.

"Aw… crum!" Eddy muttered.

"Hey, Ed," Sarah yelled, "you better get back home or I'm telling Mom."

"Please, Sarah, don't tell Mom," Ed begged, running towards his sister.

"Well, Grim," Double D said, "I'm satisfied with going home if you are."

"Yeah, we should go…" Grim said.

Double D and Grim started watching television, when Double D said, "Hey, Grim, do you ever feel like we've forgotten something important."

"Like what?" Grim asked.

"I just feel like there should be some loose end to tie up," Double D said.

"Maybe we forgot to leave a loose end to tie up," Grim said.

"Oh," Double D said, "you're probably right."

Jack had his head buried in the snow. He moved it up to speak and said, "I'll get you, Grim, even if it takes me till Christmas! Oh, please, who am I kidding?!"

**The end… for now.**


	18. Nigel Planter and the Prisoner of Neptropitox (Part One)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Ten "Nigel Planter and the Prisoner of Neptropitox" (Part One) [Chapter 18]

Written by Reginald Konga

It was a bright and cheerful day, but not all was well in the cul-de-sac. Eddy was very angry with his parents and was out on the sidewalk with luggage. Grim returned to the cul-de-sac through a green swirling vortex.

"Where have you been the past few days, Grim?!" asked a very upset Eddy.

"I went to the store and got milk. I guess I got a little distracted," Grim said just before letting out an evil laugh.

Eddy explained, "Things have really gone south the past few days. Since the Halloween incident last week, my parents have only gotten angrier at me, and now they're sending me to English camp for three weeks." Eddy shuddered, as he held up the pamphlet.

"That does sound pretty rough," Grim said, performing that "I'm going to stroke my beard while thinking even though I don't have one" expression.

"Are you kidding?! It's going to be _awful_!" Eddy corrected. He then lowered his voice and said, "I'm going to have to learn what a participle is." When he said _participle_, he placed the emphasis on the _-ti-_ rather than the _-ci_-.

"Wait a minute," Ed said. He thought really hard, as music resembling the _Jeopardy_ theme played. "You're going away for three weeks?! I'm never going to survive! It'll be like hop, skip, and no jump… like up, up, without the away… like––"

Grim then comforted them by saying, "Now hold on, children, I believe I have a solution." Grim then clapped his hands twice, and Eddy's pamphlet for English Camp transformed into a brochure for Dean Toadblatt's School of Sorcery. Double D and Ed had one too.

"Wow," Ed said. He then began to read off the brochure, "Dean Toadblatt's suh-chool … off sor… ker… why." He was having a very hard time reading it. "Coe-may… visit the legune-dar-why––"

"All right, Ed, don't hurt yourself," Grim said.

Double D and Eddy just stared at their friend. "It's a good thing he's not going to English camp," said Eddy. "They'd probably boil him in hot oil."

"Hold on a minute, Grim," Double D said. "How are we going to convince Eddy's parents that he's going to Dean Toadblatt's School of Sorcery when he's supposed to be going to English camp."

Grim said, "I magically changed the system at the camp he was supposed to be going to, so now he's not on their role call. I know Dean Toadblatt very well, so we'll just have the school pose as the camp. We'll call your parents too. Don't question it. Shut up. Now pack your bags; the bus will be here soon." Grim then looked behind himself and saw Jonny and Nazz. "What do you two want?"

"Plank and I want to go with you to Dean Toadblatt's School of Sorcery, so we can become wizards," said Jonny, holding his best pal Plank in front of his head.

"Yeah, and I want to establish my character to the audience," said Nazz. "I've waited long enough."

Grim said, "Nazz, you can't come just to do something the author should've been doing the whole time, mon, and Jonny, why would you want to become a wizard? You've never shown any interest in magic ever!"

Nervous, Jonny exclaimed. "It's not me! Plank's the one who's always wanted to be a wizard! It's his one of his many life long dreams, and I want to make it happen!"

"Forget it, Jonny," yelled Eddy.

"Yeah, mon, beat it," Grim added.

Still nervous, Jonny continued, "Plank says he'll squeal if you don't take us with you!"

"What?" Grim asked.

Eddy then said, "Dang, that board's just crazy enough to do it."

"You're joking, right?" Double D asked Eddy in a low, fast voice.

"Fine, you can come along," Grim said. He then looked at Nazz and said, "What about you? Why should I bring you along for the ride?"

"Um," she said very unsure, "I'll let Eddy kiss me and brag about it to Kevin?"

"Please," Eddy said, "that may have worked back when you were the only cute girl in my life, but thanks to the Internet, I now have––"

Double insisted, "Eddy, this is a children's story!"

"Um, I was once the writer's favorite character…?" Nazz half-heartedly suggested.

"Maybe when he was eight," Eddy protested.

"How about I convince Kevin to give all three of you a jawbreaker sometime?" Nazz suggested more confidently.

"We have a deal," said Eddy.

The green elephant Fred then casually walked over to the Eds and said, "Have you seen my hat?"

"You don't wear a hat," Eddy said in a calm manner.

"Why not?" Fred asked.

"That's your problem, not mine," Eddy said.

"Never mind," Fred said. "Hey, where's my yellow T-shirt."

"Fred, you already made that joke; you don't wear a T-shirt," Eddy said, growing a little tired of talking to him but not enough to get excited.

"Well, why can't I?" Fred asked.

"You never bought one," Eddy said in the same tone.

"Hey, where's––"

Eddy then threatened Fred, "Fred, I swear, if you mention another piece of clothes you don't wear…"

"I won't," Fred said.

"Good," Eddy said.

"So, where are my cleats?" Fred asked.

"What the––?! Errr! You just said––"

Fred then explained, "Shoes aren't clothes."

"I wish something big and heavy would come and knock you for a loop," Eddy said.

The bus then flew from the sky, went towards the end of the cul-de-sac, and knocked Fred over Jimmy's house. "Fred Fredburger!" he exclaimed as he flew into the wild blue yonder.

Eddy looked at the horizon in amazement. He looked up at the sky and held out his arms. "I wish a bag with a billion dollars in it would fall from the sky into my hands," said Eddy. "I'm waiting!"

The door to the black and purple school bus then opened, and the goblin driver said, "Get in."

"May we pack first?" asked Double D.

"I assure you we have everything you'll need at the school, including fresh toothbrushes. Now hurry up; we're running late!"

[Scene Transition]

Within twenty minutes, Eddy, Nazz, Ed, Jonny, Double D, Grim, and three other kids were ready to meet Dean Toadblatt. They waited just outside the door to Toadblatt with the receptionist.

"Grim, darling," said the receptionist Ms. Largebottom, "Mr. Toadblatt will see you now."

These nine individuals opened the door to Dean Toadblatt, and started walking in. Toadblatt was a humanoid toad-like creature wearing purple robes a wizard would typically wear. He had a matching pointy wizard's hat with yellow stars on it. Toadblatt got up from his desk, walked towards them, began smiling, started choking, fell to his knees, and lied down on the floor.

There was a moment of silence. No one knew quite what to say. Finally, Eddy said, "Well, so much for that."

"Not quite, Eddy," said Grim.

"What do you mean, Grim?" Double D asked.

"Every so often, someone assassinates Toadblatt––whether it be swords or magic or in this case poison––and he has to regenerate his body. He retains his previous memories, but not his personality… just like that Doctor… um, what was his name again? Anyway, his personality and appearance is completely different, but I assure you he's the same person. Normally, I'd object to him tampering with my work, but since he's a friend of mine, I naturally let him––"

"Hold on," said Double D. "Who murdered him? Isn't that… kind of important?"

"It would be, but it was probably the producer of this crossover reboot who murdered him. He probably didn't want to pay his second voice-over actor money, especially since his original voice-over actor passed away. They'll probably replace him with someone they found in the back alley."

The shiny green and white energy restored Toadblatt's body. He was a large green toad like before, but now he was voiced by Mr. Charlie Adler. He wore brown pants and––to avoid copyright infringement––a blue shirt with white robes and a white wizard's hat with red stars.

Dean Toadblatt then said, "Hello, it's _me_––Dean Toadblatt."

Ed pointed at him and said, "You sound familiar."

"I should," said Toadblatt.

Ed said, "You look familiar too. Oh, I know! You're––"

Double D interrupted to save his friend's hide, "Ed! We don't talk about that network, remember?" There was a tone of worry in his voice.

"Oh, yeah," Ed said, "Cartoons from our channel only. I forgot."

"Ahem," said Toadblatt. "Welcome to Dean Toadblatt's School of Sorcery. I am Dean Toadblatt, and through these halls have passed the greatest wizards the world has ever known." This version of Dean Toadblatt liked to change his tone of voice at near random. Sometimes he would talk in a feminine voice and in the same sentence switch to a very angry voice. "So long as my wizard hat is on, I shall dedicate as much time as possible to TEACHING YOU LADIES how to better yourselves with knowledge, and crud like that."

Dean Toadblatt then explained the houses of his school. "You see, children, the students of Dean Toadblatt's School of Sorcery is divided into four houses that all compete to be named the head house. First, there's Gunderstank. They're obviously **THE BEST OF THE BEST**, which is why they win Dean Toadblatt's Head House Competition every year."

Eddy then asked, "Wait, does each house earn points or––"

Toadblatt interrupted, "Please save all questions under the end of the presentation." Toadblatt continued his lecture. "Then there's Bandibor House. I think we all know what animal is _their_ mascot."

"A boar?" Nazz asked.

"A bandicoot?" Double D asked.

"A loaf of bread?" Ed asked, truly guessing at random.

"NO, NO, NO!" Dean Toadblatt scolded whilst slamming his head on his desk, "An elephant! What? Are you crazy? How could you get Bandicoot out of that?! You some sort of **SMART-MOUTH** or something?!"

Dean Toadblatt calmed himself down and said, "Sorry…" He continued his discussion, "Finally," he said with a sigh of disapproval, "We have Weaselthorpe… **THE WORST HOUSE ON THE CAMPUS.** They were the ones who wrote bad things about me on the bathroom walls." For some reason, he said it with [description of that feminine voice Charlie Adler makes]

"Hold on," said Eddy. "I thought you said there were four houses on the campus."

"So… what's your point?" asked Dean Toadblatt.

"Never mind," said Eddy.

He then directed their attention to his right and said, "Now, it's time to put on the Squidhat. Aheheh."

The curtain to the side of the room opened, revealing a singing Squid with a guitar, "Oh, I'm slimy and ugly and covered in Mold, but I'll tell you where you can go! Put on your Squidhat, baby!" he sang before being pulled away by Dean Toadblatt. Dean Toadblatt placed Squid Hat on one of the unnamed children's head. "This one goes to Gunderstank." Dean Toadblatt then took the Squidhat off and placed it on the head of the next child. "Gunderstank." Toadblatt moved the Squidhat to the next child again. "Gunderstank."

"Slendid," Dean Toadblatt said.

Nazz then switched places with Jonny, so he would have to have the Squidhat on his head.

"This one goes to Weaselthorpe," said the Squidhat.

"Weaselthorpe?!" Dean Toadblatt bellowed.

"Weaselthorpe," the Squidhat repeated.

"ERRRGH," Dean Toadblatt grunted. He then realized he shouldn't be angry at new students. "Oh, I mean, uhh…" He stopped never finishing.

With the Squidhat still on his head, Jonny exclaimed, "I guess my best buddy Plank is next, huh?!"

"Great, the more the morrier," said Dean Toadblatt He then said in a relatively normal voice, "Say, where is he?"

"Right here in my hand," said Jonny, pointing to Plank.

Dean Toadblatt then said, "Eh, I've seen weirder." Dean Toadblatt then stuck Squidhat on Plank.

Squidhat's pupils shrank slowly. "No," he whispered. "No!" he shouted. "**NO!**" he screamed in agony. Squidhat jumped onto Toadblatt's shoulders and said, "Just put the rest in Weaselthorpe," he said, shaking in fear.

[Screen Transition]

[Description of Nigel Planter and the Eds' new magical robes] Nigel Planter announced, "Attention, everyone! We now have not one, not two but six––**six** new recruits here at Weaselthorpe house."

The other members of Weaselthorpe cheered.

"Wait," said a kid with a low, nasally voice. "I only see five recruits."

"We already made a dumb joke about Plank, and it wasn't very funny," said Nigel, breaking character. Nigel cleared his throat. "With them by our side," he said with confidence, "Weaselthorpe will finally be the head house on the campus." The crowd then cheered again.

Eddy then started talking to Nigel "Head of the campus, eh?"

"Yeah, but Weaselthorpe always loses 'cuz Dean Toadblatt hates us," Nigel answered.

"Well, it looks like there's only one way to ensure our victory," said Eddy.

"Sabotage?" Ed asked.

"No, stupid, blackmail," Eddy said. "We're gonna blackmail Dean Toadblatt, and I know just how to do it."


	19. Nigel Planter and the Prisoner of Neptropitox (Part Two)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Ten "Nigel Planter and the Prisoner of Neptropitox" (Part Two) [Chapter 19]

Written by Reginald Konga

At sunrise the next day, Nigel Planter, Ed, Double D, Eddy, Jonny, Plank, and Nazz waited outside the door to Dean Toadblatt's sleeping quarters.

Ed then said, "Gee, Eddy, this sure seems dishonest. What was the plan again?"

Eddy didn't answer and instead just stared at Ed angrily.

"I said, 'What was the plan again?'"

Eddy still didn't answer.

"Eddy," Double D said. "I believe that's your cue."

"No, I'm not going to say my line," Eddy said. "Not until Ed apologizes for eating my last cookie."

"Aw, come on, Eddy, it was just one peanut butter cookie."

"You don't even remember! " Eddy grunted. "It was a chocolate chip cookie, and my parents had to special order it. It's hard to come by."

Double D tried to play peacemaker. "Oh, come now, Eddy. I'm sure he didn't know any better."

Eddy exclaimed, "Don't defend him, you little––"

[NTSC Color Test]

"Gee, Eddy, this sure seems dishonest. What was the plan again?"

"Shhh, just let me do all the talkin'," Eddy whispered.

Eddy then kicked open the door with his foot and said, "Dean Toadblatt!"

"What?!" Toadblatt asked with blistering fury.

"I know what you're hiding and I don't like it," said Eddy.

Dean Toadblatt started getting sweaty and nervous. "Uh, you do?"

"Yes, and I'm gonna tell everybody unless you make us grade-A wizards and make Weaselthorpe the head house this semester," Eddy demanded.

Dean Toadblatt stutted, "W-w-w-w-why, I can't do that. Think of the consequences. I could get into a lot of trouble."

"Not as much trouble as if I spill the beans," said Eddy.

"You're bluffin'," Dean Toadblatt said, trying to fake confidence. "You don't know anything."

"Oh, don't I?" Eddy said, firmly.

Realizing he was in no position to make demands, Dean Toadblatt batted his eyes to the right and left. "All right, fine," he said quickly. "I'll seal large quantities of skillful magic into your wizard robes."

Dean Toadblatt then shot some very light green lightning from his fingers, and the Eds' robes now possessed all the wizard power they needed.

"There," he said, "Now you're all **LEVEL TWENTY-FIVE WIZARDS!** (That should be all the magic you'll ever want.)"

"Cool," said Eddy, clearly pleased with how things went.

"Now, each one of you has control over one of the natural elements––(not to be confused with elements on the periodic table). Nazz, you now have the power over the wind."

"Woah," Nazz said, impressed with hearing this.

"Eddy," said Dean Toadblatt, "You can now manipulate fire, but please, for goodness sake, don't play with it."

Eddy then said while reading from an index card, "Yes because as we all know, if you're playing with fire, you're going to be burned––Oh, who wrote this?!"

Dean Toadblatt then said, "Double D, you now have the power to manipulate Water as well as electricity."

"How come he gets **two**?!" Eddy complained.

Dean Toadblatt then said, "Because the ability to manipulate water is terrible––unless you're talking about Hokémon, but that's a totally different episode. Now, Ed, you have the power over Earth."

"You mean he can control the whole Earth?!" Nazz asked.

"That's dumb," Eddy said. "How come he gets to manipulate the entire planet?!"

"No, it's just the ability to cause earthquakes and the like," Dean Toadblatt said.

"Ooh, ooh," Jonny said, "What power did I get? Ice?"

"What is he? A monkey?" Eddy suggested to Double D.

"Young man," Dean Toadblatt said, putting his right arm over Jonny's shoulders, "in addition to the powers all twenty-five wizards get, you can also have the power to manipulate the growth patterns of wood and even grow plants from nothing."

Jonny looked like he was about to throw up. His face even turned green. Jonny then took off his wizard's robes and ran away.

"I wonder what got into him?" asked Dean Toadblatt. "I thought he'd like that power."

"Welp," Eddy said, "now that we've got all sorts of wizard powers, I think it's high time we take advantage of it. Let's scam some pigeons." Eddy started out the door. "C'mon, boys. We've got jawbreakers to earn."

Dean Toadblatt was still a bit nervous. "You won't tell anybody about my … _terrible secret_, will you?" Toadblatt asked.

"Nah, just don't get in our way," said Eddy.

As the Eds were walking down the sidewalk on that sunny day, Double D looked back at Dean Toadblatt's house. "Say, what was Dean Toadblatt's secret anyway?"

"Eh, I was just bluffing," answered Eddy, "but he'll never know that. His secret's not important anyway."

Meanwhile, Jonny had calmed down and was walking through the dark woods near Dean Toadblatt's after having discarded his wizard clothes.

"Gee, Plank, I'm really sorry you had to witness that. I guess I'll talk to him tomorrow about making you a wizard of ice or something. Right now I need to my head." He paused for a moment. "Plank, my head's not **that** big!"

Jonny began admiring a tree that had caught his eye. "Hey, Plank, what do you think of this one?"

Behind Jonny, a shadowy figure took form seeming nothingness as if it was just being formed. It took the form of a humanoid and moved right behind Jonny.

"Gee, I think so, Plank, but if there's a female President, does that mean her husband will be considered the First Man." The creature behind Jonny rolled its eyes. Jonny once again answered his friend, "No reason to be grouchy about it, Plank. It was a simple question."

The creature tapped Jonny on the shoulder. Jonny turned out to see the creature reveal its form with a blast of magenta fire. He appeared to be an old man with incredibly male skin but also teal-colored bull horns and red coloring on his right hand. "Fear not, mere mortal, for I am an ally in the quest you call your life."

"Why?" Jonny asked.

"Please save all questions for the end of the presentation."

"Why?" Jonny asked.

"Well, I feel it's proper etiquette to do so, especially since the rest of the presentation might clarify your question without your need to ask it."

"Why?" Jonny asked.

"I mean, I spent a lot of time on this presentation, and I'd like for you to pay attention without interrupting."

"Why?" Jonny asked.

"Please don't do this."

Jonny then said, "Okay, I love you, buh-bye."

"This kid knows too much about quality television programming," the figure said to the audience just before throwing down a small fig-like creation that quickly expanding into a vortex of a swirling green glow that sucked up Jonny, Plank, and himself.

Now in a castle, Jonny fell from the portal above, skeleton first, followed by his muscles, the rest of his internal organs, and his skin. He then grabbed Plank before his wooden pal hit the floor.

"Welcome to my arrogant, err, not so humble home," the creature from earlier greeted his guest. I am the admirable Count Orlafio. Now… I need something from you. You see, I need you to sneak into Dean Toadblatt's to, umm, umm, uhh…"

Jonny began guessing the next part of his sentence, "Paint the toolshed? Organize wardrobe? Collect some tools that are rightfully yours?"

"Yes, the third one," he said. "You see, those items were taken from me because of… err, umm, uhh…"

Jonny again tried to finish this for him, "…Teachers catching you with gum? …your girlfriend hearing you tell an inappropriate joke? …a misunderstanding that ended with Toadblatt taking them without hearing your side of the story?"

"Yes, due to my former colleague's ulterior motives, he framed me, and Dean Toadblatt took from me some items that I need for, um, uhh, uhh…"

Jonny tried guessing one last time, "A charity organization that helps old trees that I would certainly find appealing and would likely be interested in helping?"

"Yes, child, you have phrased it perfectly!" he said, "Now listen carefully. There are two halves of an amulet you must find for me. The pieces look like this." He then showed Jonny a picture from an old scroll.

The first half of the amulet was red and had the ancient inscription "Colpisci il formaggio con un bastoncino" engraved on the top of it. The second half was blue and had "L'oliva sfugge" on the bottom.

"Young man, bring me one half of the amulet, and I will be able to help you locate the second half. I will ask that you retrieve the second half shortly thereafter. If you do this, you will help me in an absolutely imperative way."

"Okie dokie, stranger," said Jonny.

"Excellent, aha!" yelled Orlafio.

At the house of Weaselthorpe, the Eds detail their victory to the other students.

"Yep, it worked like a charm," Eddy finished.

"Tasty charms," said Ed.

Nigel Planter said, "Hey, we're really happy to hear that. So you say Dean Toadblatt is going to rig the competition in Weaselthorpe's favor."

"Yeah, sure," said Eddy. "Now if you'll excuse us, we got some wizard powers to exploit."

"You'll have to pardon, Eddy. Ed, Eddy, and I are consistently trying to earn money for jawbreakers. They're quite—"

"Coming, Double D?" asked Eddy.

"Coming, Eddy," said Double D, walking after him.

"Hey, wait a second," said Nigel, "what was TOADBLATT'S SECRET?!"

About two hours later, Eddy had organized a performance in front of a group of kids. Backstage, the Eds (and Nazz) were discussing their scheme.

"Hey, Nazz, is our money safe?" asked Eddy.

Nazz replied, "Yeah, it looks like we got eleven dollars and seventy five cents here."

"Wonderful," said Eddy.

Nazz asked, "Say, why am I helping with this scam?"

"Not sure," said Eddy. He turned and said, "You ready Ed!"

"The cat has a tuxedo but no pants, Eddy," said Ed.

"Huh?" Eddy asked.

"What?" said Ed.

Eddy stopped for a moment. He quickly got annoyed. "Are you ready, Ed?" asked Eddy.

"Do we have a basket of macaroni?" asked Ed.

"No," said Eddy.

"Good cuz that would've helped," said Ed.

"You're making less sense than usual, Ed," said Double D. "Please say you're ready, so we can get this show over with."

"Oh, yeah, I've been waiting on you guys," said Ed. The crowd in the makeshift circus tent was chanting for the Eds to come on stage by now.

"Yeah, right, Ed!" said Eddy. "All right, boys, you know the drill." Eddy jolted out on stage. "Good evening, ladies, germs, and whatever that thing in the front row is!"

"Actually, I'm a germ that grew out of control, but I would like to think of myself as genderless since I reproduce through mitosis," said the thing up front.

"Um, uhh," said Eddy. The mic made some feedback. "Time for our first act. Would the lovely assistant Nazz bring out the assists or something…"

Backstage, Double D remarked, "Well, he almost got one of his lines right."

On stage, Nazz had started levitating some dishes that were spinning on upright spinning sticks.

"Fire one," said Eddy. He then shot one of the plates down. "Fire two." He shot another down. "Fire three." Eddy shot two plates at once. "That's two plates for the effort of one. Can I do three? Well, I don't know about th—Heyo!" Eddy shot three plates at once.

"How are they doing that?" asked a small kid in a yellow shirt and blue shorts in the front row.

A gentlemen in the back and to the left then remarked, "Oh, brother! This guy STINKS!"

"Double D, get out here already; change of plans," Eddy said to his friends back stage.

Double D stepped out and said "Here goes nothing." He then summoned a blast of water forward and up in the air before electrocuting it and making some free lights.

"Get on with it!" yelled another customer.

"Geez, we can't catch a break," said Eddy.

Double D then summoned water to his hands and used his electrical powers to create a laser light show with smoke for good measure. The audience went "ooh" and "ahh."

"Glad that shut them up," Eddy said under his breath. "All right, Double D, it's time for the acrobatics act with Nazz, and then after that, we'll do the fireworks display together and—"

"Up parascope!" Ed yelled.

"Ed, wait," warned Double D. It was too late. Ed had jumped ten feet in the air and thrusted downward onto the ground like… um, something that falls faster than objects on Earth. Speaking of Earth, the resulting Earth caused the audience to be propelled high into the sky, and the circus tent collapsed.

"Oh, my achin'—ED!" Eddy yelled. "What's the big idea. We just lost our jar of cash cuz of you."

"I am sorry, Eddy," Ed said sincerely, "Do you have some money I could borrow?"

"Hey, Ed," said Eddy.

"Yeah," said Ed.

Eddy then shot a small rock at Ed's head at high speed with a spark of his fire powers.

"Don't break it. Got it!"

Double D went up to Eddy, who was dusting himself off, and said, "I could only find a dollar and seventy five cents of what we had, Eddy."

"Let's take him back to Toadblatt's before the cops find us here," said Eddy.

Eddy kicked the door open. "Hey, Nigel, we're dropping Ed off here, so we can make some cash. See ya!"

"Wait," said Nigel, "What was Dean Toadblatt's secret?"

Eddy then said, "We don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Nigel said annoyed.

"We don't know. Now, listen, we gotta go!" Eddy said. "We'll be back in time for supper.

Nigel then looked at Ed, "Gee, Ed, it looks like it might be up to us to find out what Dean Toadblatt is hiding."

"I found your radiator by the way," Ed said, holding the heavy piece of machinery in his hands.

"That's the water heater," said Nigel.

"What's a water meter?" asked Ed.

"This is gonna be tougher than I thought," said Nigel.


	20. Nigel Planter and the Prisoner of Neptropitox (Part Three)

_The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_

Episode Ten "Nigel Planter and the Prisoner of Neptropitox" (Part Three) [Chapter 20]

Written by Reginald Konga

Dean Toadblatt was walking down the street and entered the dry cleaners. Around the corner and to the right of the block, Ed and Nigel were peaked around the corner to spy on Toadblatt. Nigel then said, "Ed, pass me the eagle."

Ed then said, "The what?"

"The eagle is the codename for the belt of invisibilty," said Nigel.

"Why a belt?" asked Ed. "Wouldn't it make more sense to have a blanket or something?"

"I didn't make the belt! Now hand it over," said Nigel.

"Why did you wait until just now to ask me for it? Wouldn't it make more sense to wear it on the way over here since this is a stealth mission?" Ed asked.

"That's… That would have actually been a smart idea," said Nigel.

A buzzer sound went off, and Ed said, "Dr. Paprika soda doesn't taste like pepper or salt. That's weird!"

"Uhh, what?" asked Nigel. Toadblatt then walked back out from the cleaners. "Oh, shoot, he's back out. That was fast."

Dean Toadblatt then said, "You know? I think I'll take THE LONG ROUTE BACK HOME! Maybe then I'll be able to get in more people's way."

Nigel panicked and said to Ed, "What do we do now? He's gonna see us snooping on him?"

Ed then said, "Wait. My brain is working."

Toadblatt walked around the corner and saw Nigel and Ed. Ed yelled out, "WE ARE NOT YOUR STUDENTS!" Nigel slapped his face in disappointment.

Toadblatt then said, "Well, I suppose that's true, but you ladies didn't have to make such a big deal out of it, WHEN WE'VE CLEARLY NEVER MET!" Toadblatt then started whistling and went on his merry way.

Ed then said, "Boy, that sure was close… what were we worried he'd do again?"

"I can't believe it," said Nigel. "This is my fourth year at the school, and he didn't recognize me. He didn't even remember anything bad I might've done."

Ed then asked, "Why are you upset about a mushroom named Toad not knowing your name again?"

"I mean, after all the times I've tried sucking up to him too…" Nigel continued.

"I feel like a ghost. Maybe _I_ am the phantom of the earwax," said Ed.

Back to the scams, Eddy was holding a game on the street corner.

"Step right up and test your skill!" said Eddy. "Just follow the emerald under the cup and you're a winner." It was a fake gemstone by the way.

"I feel lucky today," said a blonde-haired man, putting two quarters down. "You'd better not be cheating though."

"Oh, I'm not," said Eddy with his fingers crossed behind his back. "I'll even show you where the emerald is when we're done, so you know I didn't remove it."

"Oh, well, in that case, I'll bet two dollars," the man said, adding another six quarters.

"All right," Eddy said revealing the emerald under the middle cup. "Keep your eyes on the prize." Eddy then use his wizard powers to move the cards at a medium speed. Any faster, and the man wouldn't be able to keep track.

The man correctly pointed to the cup on his right. "That one," he said.

Eddy then put his hand on the cup. "You mean this one?" Eddy then used his magic to teleport the phony jewel to the cup on the man's left.

"Yes," he said.

Eddy removed the cup and said, "Oh, too bad." He then used his other hand to remove the other two cups to make the man believe he hadn't been cheated.

"I could've sworn I picked the right one." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a two-dollar bill. "Double or nothing."

"You seeing this, Double D?" he said to his friend who rolled his eyes.

Jonny returned to the woods where he'd met Orlafio. "Did you find it?" Orlafio asked. Jonny showed him the red half of the amulet. "Excellent, AHAA!" He stopped for a moment. "By the way, where did you find it?"

"In Trash Co. Waste Disposal Unit," Jonny answered.

"You mean a dumpster?" Orlafio asked.

"No, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't abandon a dumpster model. Those are too fancy," said Jonny.

"I shall return to my home to determine the location of the second half," said the tall figure.

Orlafio turned to a shadow and teleported back to his castle. As he placed the first half of the Amulet into a machine to locate the second half, his assistant entered the moved towards him. It was a raven called Allen (named so because of Edgar Allen Poe). Allen landed on a wooden peg and said, "Master, is that cantaloupe-headed fool still gullible enough to believe you're going to do good?"

"Yes," said Orlafio, "He seems completely convinced I am working for charity. I didn't even have to trick him. He literally did it himself!"

"Hahah! That's hilarious!" said Allen.

"Yes, once I have both halves of the amulet and a possession from Dean Toadblatt, I will be able to escape this barrier and resume rule over that school. Toadblatt will rue the day he denied me of what I rightfully deserved as his loyal assistant. Ahahahahahaha!" He then stopped, and there was an awkward silence. "That machine takes a while…"

Allen then said, "Wait, why a machine? Shouldn't you use magic to find it?"

Orlafio then said, "Silence, henchman."

Back at the streets, a balding man had lost his final game with the Eds. "Aw, dang it, that was my last quarter. Now how am I going to get home without bus fare?"

As the man walked off, Eddy remarked, "Better luck next time!" He then turned to Double D. "How much was that?"

Double D replied, "Six dollars even, Eddy. That makes a total of fifteen dollars and fifty cents. That might be the most we've ever earned!"

"Yeah," Eddy said fantasizing.

"Can I have a cut of that since this game was my idea…?" Nazz asked.

"Well, you did provide that phony emerald, so… I suppose we could spare a couple of bucks, but no more than that."

"That's fair, I guess," said Nazz. "I mean, Kevin does have more jawbreakers than I could ever want."

"All right, great job!" said Eddy. "Onto the next scam…"

Later, Jonny returned to the forest once again.

"Did you secure the second half?" asked Orlafio.

"Yeah, but why'd those folks get so mad at me and Plank?" Jonny asked.

"Well, it is a library," said the count.

"I hope they don't stay too mad," said Jonny.

"Now, I need one more thing from you. I need you to sneak into Dean Toadblatt's room and find a personal possession of his, like his pillow."

"Okay, but wait…" said Jonny, "If it's his pillow, how can it belong to you?"

"Um," said Orlafio.

"Oh, I get it, you bidded on it in an online auction, and then he bidded five cents higher at the very last second. A different kind of stealing, so it's okay."

Orlafio was astounded, "Uh, you're serious? I mean… Yes, that's exactly it. Thank you for doing this for me. I assure you the charity work I'll be able to help with will be a hundred percent worth it."

"Easy peasy, lemon squeezy," said Jonny before running back to the school.

Allen flew down and landed on Orlafio's shoulders. "That was painful!"

"You know," said Orlafio, "I almost feel bad about doing this. Mwuhahahaha!"

Meanwhile, Ed and Nigel were spying on Dean Toadblatt at the Wall-to-Wall-Mart between an aisle of clothes and some groceries.

"Hey, Ed?" said Nigel.

"Yeah?" answered Ed, hiding behind a high-quality tea set he was holding.

Nigel said, "When you said we were going to do the kids in a trench coat thing, I figured one of us would be standing on top of the other. Wouldn't that make more sense instead of me wearing the trench coat and you wearing the bowling hat?"

Ed then dropped the box containing the tea set, which shattered. "Um…" He stopped for a moment and tried to think of a response. "What was the question again?"

The assistant manager walked up and said, "Are you boys going to pay for the items you broke?"

"Um, no?" said Ed.

"Oh, my apologies, sirs, I won't bother you again," the assistant manager said before leaving their sight.

"Whew," said Ed, "that was close. I was almost out of toy airplanes."

"What was that about airplanes?" Nigel asked, confused.

"Shh, here he comes," said Ed. "Act natural." Ed then began doing a dance routine in which he lifted up his leg and then moved it with his hand. "Work that body. Work that body. Don't you go hurt nobody!" Nigel just covered his face with his palm as Toadblatt passed by them.

"Another close call," said Ed.

"Ed, I'm beginning to think we may never crack Dean Toadblatt's secret if we don't get serious. Why were you dancing? What were you talking about with those toy airplanes? Why did you eat that doggie biscuit?"

"Well," said Ed, "I need pocket change, so that I may exchange those pieces of dried up cotton for goods and s—" He stopped suddenly.

"Yes, Ed?" asked Nigel.

"Huh?" he asked.

"What?" asked Nigel.

"I thought you said something…" said Ed.

Nigel grunted, "ARGH! This is getting us **nowhere**!"

Ed then said, "Maybe we should head back to Weaselthorpe. They say the culp—the cool Brit always returns to the scene of the crime. Heroic Forces of that thing that I forget, away!"

Nigel then said begrudgingly, "Maybe watching TV at home is the way to go…"

Ed and Nigel went back to Dean Toadblatt's, and the two of them began to sit on the couch.

"I can't believe we got nowhere with finding Dean Toadblatt's secret!" said Nigel, arms crossed and very annoyed.

"Shh, the TV's back on," said Ed.

Nigel said, "That's just a microwave. You sat it on the table and stuck some wooden spoons into it, remember?"

Ed then said, "That's odd. The cartoons made it look like all you needed for a TV was a microwave and some sticks."

"Oh, brother!" said Nigel.

Just then, Eddy, Double D, and Nazz got home.

"How'd it go at your job or some other thing, Eddy?" Ed asked.

"Well, we made thirty-nine dollars and seventy-five cents," said Double D. "I suggested going home and putting them in a safe place, but Eddy insisted on making it an even forty dollars."

Eddy then finished the store, "Some bird flew off with it! He just couldn't take that guy's quarter. He just had to have my money."

"You mean our money, right?" asked Double D.

"Wait for the movie, Double D," said Eddy.

"I've never understand what you meant by that. I feel like I asked you about it once before and never got an answer," said Double D.

"I still haven't established my character to the audience," said Nazz. Double D and Eddy looked back towards her for a second.

"So, Ed, how'd your day with Nigel go?" Eddy asked.

Ed, now wearing his wizard clothes, said, "Oh, we did all sorts of cool things, like… um, the … uhh…"

Double D then said, "How did you get in your wizard outfit so quickly?"

"I don't know!" said Ed, distraught.

Jonny then walked in and acted worried.

Eddy asked him, "What's the problem, uhhh, Jonny?" Eddy looked at the annoyed Double D and said, "Well, I can't come up with an original insult every time…"

Double D then said, "Jonny, why don't you tell us what's bothering you?"

Jonny then said, "Um, I may have… sort of … kind of… somewhat… accidentally helped an evil wizard escape his prison and attack Toadblatt's School of Sorcery."

"You're kidding…?" Eddy said.

Nigel then said, "You mean, Orlafio? Didn't you get suspicious the way he appears all shadowy and acts friendly towards a talking raven?"

Jonny then said, "Plank says, he told me a couple of times and then he thought I knew something he didn't."

"Of course, he did," said Eddy.

Suddenly, the building began to shake.

Eddy then said, "Ed, please tell me you're using your earthquake powers again."

Ed responded, "Nope, I've been a good boy while you were away, Eddy. Fix it, not brake it. No, break it, don't fix it. No, wait, I was right the first time. Not broke, don't fix it."

Suddenly, the building was cut in half with the roof over the Eds completely removed. The sky was overcast, and the wind was at high speeds.

With his power restored by the violet amulet Jonny found, Count Orlafio declared, "Nigel Planter, your time has come! Choose your weapon and prepare for certain doom!"

"Oh, yeah?" said Nigel. "I took down He Who Must Not Be Named thrice. It won't even be a challenge to beat you."

"Who did you not name?" asked Ed.

"No, we don't speak his name," said Nigel.

"Did he get banished like that guy?" asked Ed.

"No, I just can't say his name," said Nigel.

"Did you forget it?" asked Ed.

"I know his name! I just can't say it out loud!" said Nigel, annoyed.

"Why?" asked Ed, "Is it a bad word?"

Nigel then yelled, "I just can't!"

Ed then said, "So, if it's not a bad word, why can't you say it?"

Nigel then yelled out, "Because bad things happen you say, 'Lord Moldybutt'!"

A tone sounded, and glass in the room started to break. Nigel was soon struck in the head by a bowling pin.

"Lord Moldybutt?" Ed repeated.

Suddenly, Kevin and his bike fell on top of Eddy.

"This better be important, dorks!" he said. "I was about to beat my own record."

Ed then said, "What record?"

Eddy, still underneath Kevin's bike, then said, "Can you guys please stop addressing that guy by name?"

"Who?" Kevin asked.

"Lord Moldybutt," said Ed. The tone sounded, and a set of freshly sharpened knives fell from the sky and a bowling ball crashed into them, causing one of them in particular to head directly towards Kevin.

"No, wait," Kevin said, putting his arms up, closing his eyes, and bracing for impact. The scene went sepia tone, and a sad song with the four chords of pop began playing, mostly likely "Forever Young" by Alphaville.

Kevin then realized the knife had stopped in midair. He looked it, and it then fell down. Ed then said, "Don't be ridiculous, Kevin. The censors would never let us get away with that."

Double D then said, "Guys, stop saying that name already! It's completely immature!"

Ed then said, "What's immature about a Moldybutt." The tone sounded again and a train set fell on Eddy's head one piece at a time.

"Guys, seriously, this is important," Nigel said.

"Why, I oughtta—" said Eddy.

Growing impatient, Count Orlafio then said, "You fool, Nigel, you won't win. I've grown far more powerful than that old fool."

Ed then said, "You mean Duke Fungal Bottom?"

Orlafio yelled out, "No, LORD MOL-!" He caught himself and stopped. "Phew, that was close!"

Dean Toadblatt entered the door and said, "Lord Moldybutt!" before closing it. The tone didn't sound though.

Everyone looked around, even Orlafio. "That's odd," said Nigel looking to his right. He then looked to his left, as the camera panned to the right to reveal the Dwarf King. The tone sounded, and the Dwarf punched Nigel in the face.

"Knock out!" someone yelled from off-screen.

"Nice to see you again," said Ed.

"Same to you," said the dwarf as he walked off.

"Are you quite finished?" asked Orlafio. Everyone was silent, and Ed nodded. "Good because I'm ready for my battle for supremacy."

"Um," said Ed, "I think Nigel is uncon-shoo-unce, and I think Dean Toadblatt booked it out of here."

Orlafio then said, "Well, then, I guess I'll have to battle the five of you. Have at you!"

He then summoned a beam of fire forward, and Eddy managed to match this ferocity with his own pyrokinesis. The two engaged in a beam struggle, but Orlafio soon proved too powerful. His stamina was better, and he wasn't even fighting at full power.

"I'll help too," said Double D joining in with a beam of electricity.

Nazz soon joined in too, "I summon the winds!"

Everyone was blowing towards Count Orlafio who wasn't even breaking a sweat.

Jonny said his wooden board, "Gee, Plank, today has not gone as I'd hoped." He then looked shocked and mad at Plank. "No one asked for your opinion, Plank." He continued to look at Plank angrily. Jonny then said, "I'm sorry too, Plank."

"Wait," said Ed, "My brain is working, but we're only gonna get one shot at this."

Count Orlafio looked like he was nearly ready to get serious and defeat Ed, Double D, and Nazz all in one shot. "Ahahahaha!" he laughed.

Orlafio then heard Ed, just offscreen, say, "Hey, Mr. Butt."

Orlafio yelled back, "You idiot, I am not Lord Moldybutt!"

Suddenly, a beam in the floor below them collapsed, and as a result, one side of a floor board went down, forcing Jonny upwards. "Give it all ya got, Plank!" Jonny yelled on his way up.

Jonny then hit Count Orlafio right in the face with Plank, causing him to lose grip on his wand. This resulted in him getting burned by the beam of fire and electricity. The smoke cleared, and it was shown that Count Orlafio was now a piece of burnt bacon. "Well, this stinks," he said. He then landed on the ground and hopped away in shame.

"Wow, Ed, that was intense," said Eddy, somewhat proud of Big Ed's trick.

Double D then asked, "How did you know the cursed name would cause Jonny to be launched up in the air like that, Ed?"

"Huh?" said Ed, "Oh. I was just gonna throw a rock at him."

Double and Eddy looked at him kind of strange.

"It was a big rock," said Ed.

"To think we were almost proud of him," said Eddy.

Jonny then said, "Hey, guys, a little help here. My head's stuck in the tree."

Eddy then said, "Seventy-five cents, Jonny boy!"

Double D then said, "Eddy" in disappointment.

Dean Toadblatt then returned and said, "My, what a splendid fight! You kids saved my school! Of course, you did cause a lot of the collateral damage."

"Well, uhh," said Eddy.

"I mean, you call this a mess? You hardly wrecked Kevin's bike," said Dean Toadblatt.

"Hey, you're right," said Kevin getting back on his bike (after huddling in fear from the fight). Kevin then said, "This is another episode where nothing bad happened to me." His bike then fell to pieces. "Shoot!" he yelled.

Toadblatt then said, "Tell you what? Give back the wizard's robes with their powers, and I'll give you a dollar fifty to go back home. All's well that end's well, right?"

Eddy then said, "Convince my parents to let me off the hook, and you got yourself a deal."

"A fine offer. I accept," Dean Toadblatt said just before shaking Eddy's hand.

"Guys, I still need rescuing," said Jonny.

"Not everything's about you, sweetheart," said Dean Toadblatt.

"You tell him!" said Eddy.

Grim then came back and said, "I couldn't find that bird, Eddy." Grim then looked at the damage done to the school. "Did I miss something?"

"Only Lord Moldybutt!" said Ed. Fred Fredburger then fell from the sky and landed on Ed, knocking both of them down a few stories. "I deserved that!" said Ed.

**The End**


End file.
